A to Z of Lessons Learned in 2014: Motion

Sorry for my absence lately. Right after my last post, a variety of setbacks hit and struck me down, for all intents and purposes. As such, I have absolutely no hope of actually finishing the challenges in time. 

It's important for me to finish the series, though, because writing through all these things are part of my efforts to moving on with my life. 

As such, I've decided to continue with this series until I've finished it. It's going to take me a bit, but I'll get through it eventually. 

In the meantime: I'm on M at the moment. 

The best word I could think of for M is Motion. 

After 2014 went so spectacularly wrong, there needed to be a time for me to withdraw. To pull back and mourn all the damage that had been done. To come to terms. To just sit still and keep breathing through the pain. 

This is natural. It's good for us. 

Within limits. 

See the thing is that sitting still and coming to terms means that we're stationary. And honestly, it means we're often sitting much too close to the negativity of the things we're mourning. For a while, this isn't bad. But indefinitely, sitting still like this allows negativity and bitterness to take hold. Those two paralyses us until we're basically just drifting along into more negativity and more bitterness. 

I don't know if you'd be okay with that, but I'm not. One day I will tell you why I do this, but I measure my life according to one standard: When I'm at the end of my life and looking back, will I be pleased with the amount of living I did? 

Honestly... I can say it's a good thing I didn't die at the end of last year. Because I would not have been pleased. No, I don't mean this in a "I'm beating myself up because I couldn't do anything about things that were completely out of my control" way. It's more that I got stuck in all this negativity and bitterness all year long until it was okay for me to just survive, but I didn't do nearly enough of anything else. I didn't live. 

Since I'm still alive, though, I'm being a bit more forgiving, but I do realize the importance of getting back into the business of living. It's not always easy, but I'm slowly but surely getting it done. 

In short: There's motion in my life again. Not always fast, and definitely not always forward (as the last week or so demonstrated), but I'm moving on into a better year. I'm learning and moving on, because I can't bear wallowing in a pit of despair any longer.

And I know I'm learning, because even though I indulged in some wallowing last week, I was in a hurry to be done with it again. 

Which in itself is a good thing. 

How are you doing? Is there motion in your life? 

A confession

I went to a new church today after a almost a year of taking a break from the church I’d belonged to. The break had been necessitated by my becoming involved with said church’s activities. I had joined up with the youth and music ministries in good faith, thinking that I could really help and make a difference, but ended up three years later, angry and embittered because of being ignored despite the fact that the current methods being employed helped absolutely no one.

The experiences brought along by my involvement exhausted me emotionally and spiritually to the point where I withdrew from church entirely. I didn’t feel like being friendly and civil to anyone in church. I didn’t feel like doing anything for anyone, since no one there appreciated it anyway. No. Correction. No one even wanted me to do it.

So I shook the proverbial dust from my ankles and walked away.

But the damage had been done. Because although I didn’t know at the time, the experience did much more than just tire me out. It planted a seed of bitterness. Or maybe poured water and fertilizer onto it so that the bitterness could once again take root in my life and infect every aspect of it. The big thing is, though, that I'd allowed this to happen. In fact, I didn't even see it happen. 

The only reason why I do now is that I went to the new church and spoke to the pastor there. He told me that once there’s bitterness in my heart, it’ll deliver fruit according to the tree that’s there. So anger, resentment, impatience, frustration with my life and so on will all be there. They’re bringing my life to a standstill. Which actually makes things even worse. Because nothing adds to my frustration, impatience etc like not moving forward in my life.

It stops now. I’m going to address this bitterness with prayer. I’ve forgiven the people who’ve embittered me, but I know I’ll need to do it again and again and again. For as long and as often as it needs to be done until this anger and resentment I have is rooted out of my heart and get replaced by something healing.

I know it won’t be easy, because it’s been a fall back position to me for so long. But I have to start. And by the grace of God, I know I’ll succeed with His help. 

Do you have bitterness rooted in your heart? Do you want to get rid of it?

A to Z Challenge: Materialism

One of the most dangerous developments in our modern culture is consumerism. All around us are messages and images about what we should be wanting and why we should be wanting it. Most often, these reasons are because this thing we're supposed to be desiring is a symbol of our success. 

We want bigger houses. We want faster cars. We want designer clothing. We want that Rolex watch. Hell, we want the Mont Blanc pens for when we sign credit buys. And on... and on... and on... 

And above all, we want more money in order to afford these things. Because if we can, we've arrived. We can show the people around us that we're more successful than them. That we have richer lives because of them. 

We make choices based on how much money we can make. Worst of all, we're changing our children into little materialists as well. 

Because hey! If you can afford all those status symbols, you're going to be so happy. Here's the thing, though. Buying expensive things don't make you happy. They give a short buzz. And then it's gone. And then you have to go buy something else to feel it again. I suspect that's why so many people are trapped, neck deep in credit card debts. 

But the thing is... what's it all really for? 

All this running around, chasing material gain. When you do gain it, what do you win?  

Because I can tell you what you lose. If you're picking for money first, you're missing out on a chance to do what you love. You're missing out on a chance to be happy. Truly happy. To have this core of absolute joy in your life that doesn't go away, no matter what. You might be missing out on a chance to see your children. You're probably losing your health and welfare to stress as we speak. You're probably selling your soul bit by bit in order to afford a little more. 

And your kids are watching/will watch you do this. They'll see this as normal. And when the time comes to make the choices about their lives, they'll put themselves through the meat grinder as well.  

When I look at it like that, materialism just doesn't really seem worth it. Is it to you? 

Once you answer that question to yourself, you'll find yourself much more able to decide your next steps. Because once you know the true value of money to yourself, it's won't constrain you in your choices. 

And that will make a huge difference once you want to take charge of your life. 

Prayer

Lord, 

I've fallen into the trap of materialism a long time ago. I want to get out of it, but it's difficult. It means I need to change the way I think about everything I want. 

Please guide me as I find my way towards making the right decisions for my life. Help me to break the chains of consumerism around me. 

Help me to make choices based on what I want, instead of what I'm told I should desire. 

I pray this in Jesus's name. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Internal Battles

In order to function in our lives, we condition ourselves every day. We bend over backwards to fit in with what our loved ones and our society expects from us.

The main expectation here is conformity. Sacrificing happiness for material gain.

We get rewarded for this. Encouraged to choose based on the above parameters.

And these parameters betray us. Because conforming and making choices based on money usually aren't all that conductive to being happy. Content, maybe. But we know how worthless contentment can be.

Still... once we come to this realization, this method of making choices are ingrained. Our value system... our measurement of success... everything is built around conformity and money.

So when we decide to move away from this way of thinking, the process is sort of like taking a wrecking ball to our personalities.

I'm not going to lie. It's a scary process. Because suddenly, your measuring stick is gone. And you can't blend into your surroundings. You're going to be picked out for being odd, because how dare you assume that you don't have to settle for a life you didn't want? Everyone else does.

And if you don't make money, you'll end up unable to compare yourself to those around you and say: wow. I'm more successful than other people.

I think some people will roll their eyes at this, but when you're in this phase of your life. Of having to refocus on the truth, you'll know how difficult this is.

I took about 6 months doing absolutely nothing because I couldn't trust my choices. I took around a year after that venturing forward bit by bit before I managed to know what I wanted. And only then did I plan.

But hey, someone might say. You said we must decide what to do and act on it.

And that's absolutely true. But usually, the first decision is to get out of the situation. And then, depending on the person, your new life starts. But you have no idea what to do with it. And that's where the changing of our values comes in.

Because if you don't change your values, the foundation to your choices will be the same. And if so, how do you expect to choose differently than before?

I think that's why so many people want to move forward, but move in cycles instead.

Before you can change your life, you need to change yourself.

Prayer

Lord, 

It's so dark and terrible where I am right now that I just want to run towards the first light I see. But You've taught me that everything looking like a solution isn't. And I don't ever want to come back to this place in my life ever again, so I know I need to change myself in a way You intended. 

Please guide me in this process, Lord. Help me to find the true measuring rod for success. Help me to be able to stand out to Your glory. Even when it means it sometimes feel like I'm alone. 

Thank You for always being with me. No matter what. 

Amen. 

A to Z Challenge: Doing What You Decided

You've made the choice to change your circumstances. That's only the beginning. 

Now you have to act.

And now, we get to the hard part. Because no matter how many choices you make, nothing happens if you don't act on them. 

I wish I could say things fall right really fast once you start acting, but I can't. Because they don't. The things that are really worth doing take incredibly long to come to fruition. 

For me, my big decision was to move towards the career in arts I'd always wanted. I want to publish books. I want to perform on stage. 

It's been about three years since I came to this decision. And I'm still working on it. The publishing part could happen before the end of the year, though (which I'm SERIOUSLY excited about). 

So what takes so long? 

Well... to explain, I need to explain how I see life. Poker. 

Yeah, that maybe will surprise some of you. Because everyone wants life to be a strategy. But then maybe, you've never looked at Poker from a game theory point of view. And don't worry. I'm NOT going to explain game theory. I'm going to quote the chorus from one of my favorite songs of all time instead. 

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

People play poker trying to win the hand. 

Winners win because they're aiming to win the game. 

They know when to take a chance that will put them ahead. Other times, they'll sacrifice the money they bet because they know playing right now will make them lose more than they want to. And they're constantly doing all they can to have a measure of what's going on around that gambling table. Who has the best hand?Who's bluffing. Oh yeah. They also know how to bluff the hell out of the game. But they also know when. 

These are things you'll need to learn when you're doing what you've decided to do. 

A lot of people say that they've been dealt cards and they have to play with them in life. I disagree. You've been given poker chips. 

And you get dealt cards every day with which you can do your utmost to get more chips overall. Sometimes, you're going to take a chance that should put you forward, but doesn't. Sometimes you're going to bluff yourself into doing something daring. Sometimes you'll pull it off.

The only time you stop getting cards is when you leave the table. Sometimes you have to. I left the table twice so far. Because sometimes, you need to adapt your thinking and get to a better table. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't lose a view of what you want to achieve.

And the only way to stop winning for ever is to stop playing. 

Prayer

Lord, 

I have decided to (name your decision). Thank You for guiding me and making me brave enough to decide. 

Now that I can live the life You want for me, please help me to do it. Please bless my new life, Lord. Help me, soothe me and heal me through all setbacks. And please help me to remember You when everything is going well. 

Let my life be to Your glory, Lord. 

I pray this in Jesus's name.

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Choices

Being in charge of your life means that you're going to have to start making choices. Difficult choices, sometimes. 

The first one would be to change your circumstances. 

As some of you mentioned, circumstances are hard to change, because it affects other people. And, like Julie pointed out yesterday, a lot of times, you're in a situation because of good-natured (if naive) choices you'd made before. 

And here's the thing. You can't undo your choices. Even if you do get to a point where you were earlier in your life, say... by divorcing your spouse, you won't be the same person you were before. You've changed. 

So no. Taking charge isn't about getting back to a point of being happy. It's about moving forward. It's about growing as a person. That's what brings you happiness. 

But the choices to move forward have as many forms as people have different lives. Not choosing is never a good option. It just shoves you back into living a stagnant life. One where you have to passively deal with what life throws at you. Instead of taking big chunks of life and actually living. 

Still, I know that some choices are really hard, so I'm going to share with you a way of thinking you might want to try. Of course, the better idea is to do it with a lot of prayer. 

First: you need to think of yourself. And no. Not in a selfish way. It's just that up to now, you probably got into this situation because you made decision based on what other people wanted. This is a broad assumption, I know. But it's something I've noticed about us. Those good natured choices we made are good natured because they're to please someone else. 

If we make choices for ourselves, they're just choices. Big ones or not. 

Back to making a choice. 

Think of yourself. What do you stand to gain from this? What do you risk losing? Any advantages or disadvantages? This doesn't have to be financial. In fact. Finances should actually come in low on your list for doing anything. 

Then (and this is important): Think of who your decisions will affect. Your spouse? Children? Friends? How will your choice really affect them? 

By "really", I mean this. Back to the example of divorcing your spouse. You have children. And up to now, you've postponed this decision because you want to keep the family together. Looking at how this will affect children, the first thing you would say is: but I can't break up the family. 

And yet... if your husband is abusive to that child. Or to you, for that matter. It affects the child's wife in a negative way. Much more so than breaking both of you out. 

Basically, that's how difficult decisions are made. By weighing the positives and negatives for all involved - including you.

Prayer

Lord, 

I want to escape this difficult situation I'm in. I know I can't live my life to the full without doing this. But Lord, I don't know how. 

So many people can be hurt by this choice I want to make, so I want to make the right one. 

What is Your will, Lord? 

Please guide me in making this choice and give me the strength needed to follow through. 

In Jesus's name I pray, 

Amen.

In which revenge could be sweet, but poisonous.

Sometimes, being a better person is such a lot of work.

Take me, for example. There's this person I'm having to deal with on a monthly basis. Who's for all intents and purposes abusing the credit laws in order to commit extortion and blackmail against me and my mother.

I know this. I'm pretty sure he knows it too, because when I pointed it out, he threatened me again.

Thing is... there's nothing I can do about it except wait. And even then, God keeps telling me to let it go.

Which is hard. Really hard. This guy is threatening things I worked really hard to achieve and I know that getting my own back against him is well within my means. All I have to do is to wait until the loan he's threatening me about is paid in full.

Once that's done, he's lunch meat for me. Because he did the threatening in written form.

But God says... no.

Honestly, this is pretty hard to swallow. I mean, what he's doing is wrong. Very wrong. It's only fair that he gets what's coming to him.

But... the answer stays no.

At which point I just want to rage and go nuts, because this guy is practically begging to be disbarred.

But then God said something, which I'm pretty sure is a saying I know, but forgot:

Those who always chase others, never stand still themselves. 

Then I remembered the bible story (1 Samuel 25) where David wanted to kill someone for slighting him, but this man's wife, Abigail, rode out to meet him and begged him not to kill her husband. Abigail asked David to let God do justice and not him.

David agreed.

And God did.

The best thing is, David didn't end up with blood on his hands, doing something that displeased his Lord. The man who's insulted him was taken by God.

And that's the thing that gave me hold. Like David's army, my taking action against man wouldn't only affect him. It would affect those close to him. Those he probably has to provide for. In a sense, I'd have their blood on their hands.

And although I feel really annoyed to let the bad person win, I know I have to spare the innocent people around him who I would have hurt if I didn't.

Besides, it's incredibly foolish of me to want to take matters into my own hands because I'm afraid I might not like how God handles the situation. In fact, it's... sinfully proud of me.

So I beg His forgiveness and give over this matter to Him in it's entirety. Only God, in His infinite wisdom, will know how to deal with this man in a way that's just and pleasing to Him at the same time.

Have you ever wanted so bad to get your own back against someone who hurt you, but ended up turning the other cheek and handed the matter over to God? How did you come to the decision to do so? And how did you feel afterwards?

Me? Although I'm still annoyed with that guy, I actually feel at complete peace with my decision. And I know that now, the wound he inflicted will heal and I'll one day get to forget about it and him. A much better solution than having it fester for the rest of my life.

Stepping back and being happy.

Hi all! I'm back from editing again. I'll take another day before dropping by and commenting, but in the meantime, I thought the blog needed some love. 

It's really amazing how easily discontent inches into our lives and takes it over. Sad thing is, often the very things you were excited about when you started them make you unhappy now.

Maybe the better word is unhappier. 

I'm still a happy person, but lately I've been having to work harder and harder to stay that way. It's not the way I want to live my life. 

Still, I felt like the things I'd volunteered for had become responsibilities. They became chores. Worse, they became tiresome chores. 

For me, 90% of my church activities are that way. Despite my initial optimism about the new youth pastor, things are returning to more of the same. Same with the choir. I quit it a year ago, but people begged me to return, saying things will change. It didn't. 

I've tried to change. I tried to look to myself and try to fix things through the way I react. But I can't stop the church choir sopranos from bitching and griping about me without becoming a worse singer I can. I can't do anything about the youth pastor NOT EVEN RESPONDING to submissions and suggestions I made. If people listen, I can't make them HEAR. I can't make the band leader realize that two griping teenage girls with maybe an eight note range between them doesn't make it a good idea to push me (plus superior skill, training and range) out of the band. 

I volunteered because they couldn't lead the youth in praise. I volunteered for youth because at the time, God wanted me to. I volunteered for choir because I love singing and because young voices lift the sound up. 

But if no one wants me there, why should I continue to put in hours on hours of unpaid time to no effect?  Seems I'm doing no one a favor. Not even myself. 

All I'm doing is tiring myself out without seeing any fruits of my labors. And damn it. Although I don't expect it, getting ONE freaking thank you would have been lovely. Then I would have known I at least helped. But need it or not, I've been wasting my time on people who don't want it. 

That is going to stop. I already quit the choir. Staying until the end of the year to help out the choir master (who does want me there). I'm quitting the youth tomorrow morning as soon as I've spoken to my friends in the leadership. 

Then I'm going to regroup and go back to moving between churches, learning what I can and just building my faith. 

This probably won't be forever, but right now, I need to rest. Then I'll look at it again. 

But I am NOT wasting my time a single second more. 

I. Am. Done. 

And you know what? I haven't felt this free or happy in ages.

Have you ever quit things you volunteered for because they made you unhappy?

Now this is annoying, but might be a good thing.

So the tummy bug went away, but now I have flu. Yeah. Just can't seem to win. Still, this is an actual winters flu and not a summer one, so I feel like I at least took the step in the right direction.

But you know what? These setbacks actually motivate me more.

Yeah I know I know. I probably won't be able to move tomorrow. But I really want to get back to healthy living.

Not because I'm gaining weight (don't think I am yet) but because I could feel within days when I started feeling less than good. And it happened because of a diet change for the worse. During our move to the new house, we basically lived on fast food and that still hasn't changed.

Boy am I feeling it now.

So. I am definitely getting back to drinking copious amounts of water and rooibos tea (very good for when I have flu) and then I'm definitely eating better. And once I'm better, I'm definitely exercising again.

Because this feeling crap thing really isn't working for me.

Especially since it was partly to blame for me missing fencing tonight. I don't like when things set me back. And my health going back to what it was is definitely standing in my way. So changes will be made.

What about you? Want to join me and work on living more healthily?

Choices choices...

Before I start, I just want to apologize for not posting on Wednesday. I've been struggling to maintain both blogs while unpacking. Luckily for me, things are settling down. I've even found the bedding and curtains I wanted.

Soon my room will be fixed up. I just need to find my desk, because sadly I haven't had time to find it yet. 

I'm really getting to the point where I can't do anything else. I don't have a surface in my room yet, so no lamps, not vases. No nothing until I've at least bought my desk. 

So now I'm sitting on coals, waiting to go shopping. 

It helps that I know more what I'm looking for. 

At first I always wanted a french bureau like this: 

But it's too small for what I need. So now I want this: 

For lots of storage space. 

Or ideally...

For lots of space, period. And I love that this one has a panel that I can use for my laptop.

It has to be antique, though. Because I'm not spending a large amount of money on something that is in essence without value. So generic writing desks from decor shops: OUT. 

Hopefully I'll get a good desk for a price where we can afford a chair as well... 

So that's what's going on in my life. What's up at your end of the world?

It's a work in progress

As I mentioned on Monday, I'm working to control the effects on stress on my life, but I will admit that it's not easy.

In my line of work, some days feel like a long parade of bad/negative/toxic people. Today is one of those. In fact, it even started earlier than usual, so I didn't even get my usual early morning peace.

Soo... yeah... I'm embarrassed to admit that I went back to my old ways of thinking and reacting. And you know what? Two days worth of work took about three hours to be unraveled.

I think negative behaviors breed like bacteria once you give them ideal circumstances. And negative thinking and reacting badly pretty much creates that wet, sheltered environment that those bad habits need.

Five hours into my day, I was completely freaking out. I wanted to cut and run. Anything but face another five minutes in that situation.

Afterwards, I realized that it wasn't that bad. It's just that if I let my negative thoughts and actions grow, they choke me. When that happens, I don't have the necessary perspective that I need in order to stay in charge of my life. Anything feels like too much effort and nothing feels worth it. Not even the things that I know are very important to me.

So as I write this, I'm thinking positive things. After I post this, I'm going to take some time to just be quiet and breathe. This weekend I'm going to be away from the office to see my dad for the first time in nearly two years. I'm hoping that (in addition to the joy of seeing him again) the change of pace (no work) and scenery (other side of the country) will give me enough peace to make my positive outlook more of a habit.

Step by step, I will beat my self-damaging way of thinking.

Anyone else decide to try the two things I suggested yesterday? How's it working for you?

Frustration

I've been feeling the burn of frustration recently, and to a great extent, I still do.

As I've mentioned before, taking charge of our lives often involves juggling our dreams with our present lives, because we can't always just give up what we are doing now just to chase after our futures.

No, that would be irresponsible and stupid.

I know that.

Credit

Yet, I am in this space where it feels as if every moment spent doing what I need to do is taking time away from doing what I want to do.

And.... I'm not wrong, but I guess that's part of me growing up. I can't just focus on my dreams 24/7. I need to concentrate on work too.

But it doesn't mean that I have to give up on what I want. It just means that I have to work harder and more efficiently to make sure that I do what I need to do to bring my dreams this much more closer to coming true.

It means that I cut out things that waste my time. This does not mean that I'm taking myself away from any and all fun activities. But, if it doesn't make me happy and give me a measure of fun, it's not worth my time.

So hours of channel hopping looking for something to watch: out. Going to the cinema: In. Dancing when it's frustrating me more than anything else: out. Guitar lessons and singing: In. Singing for the church choir: .... I'm still deciding on that one.

But right now, I'm pretty pleased, because I took charge of my life and am back to achieving things again.

So... are you frustrated with your life? Are there any changes that you can make to make it better?

Uncertainty

I was recently talking to a friend, who decided to take charge of her life. Exactly as I've experienced, she also came to a point that she just couldn't take being that unhappy any more and decided to do something about it.

And so she is, and I'm incredibly proud of her.

But I digress...

The real point I was getting at was that she mentioned that she has to sift through everything in her life. And in particular, her future plans. She wasn't certain if what she was planning to do is what she's supposed to do. And then, she said that she wasn't even sure how to go on...

Short answer: We don't. Not immediately.

When we come to the realization that we're unhappy with our lives, we need to find what makes us happy all over again. We can't do that by regretting and resenting things in our past, or getting stuck rushing towards the future. We need to learn to live and find ourselves in the present first.

Makes sense, right?

Credit

Doesn't make it easy. Because in the beginning stages, this implies not having ANY plans. AT ALL. PERIOD. Nor do we have anything with which to measure success. At least, that's what I found from my experience.

The reason for this is that we need to give the reins to our life back to God. And we can't do that if we're still in that space where we're the only ones calling the shots. We need to clean the slates of our lives before we can let God write on them.

And unless He's the one doing the writing, we'll never be truly happy. Because He knows better than we do, what we need in our lives and futures.

When we spoke about this, my friend pointed out that the uncertainty of being without any plans is terrifying.

It is. Very terrifying. It took me a lot of will power to keep myself from starting on any of the plans that my mind created just to form a framework that I was used to. But I had to do it, because I knew if I acted on those impulses, that I'd be just as badly off as before. So I forced myself to wait until I grew comfortable with not knowing where I was headed.

And then (It took me about a year of doing what I had to, but not planning for my future.)... God started talking about my future. About His plans and my passions. We spoke to each other and I asked about my dreams and His will.

Before I knew it, I had a glimpse of the plan and could start doing things that brought me in line with what God wanted. But He did not give me the solution easily. I had to trust Him in the most uncertain period of my life.

And He rewarded me with blessings and happiness beyond what I had imagined.

Have you ever realized that you need to change the course of your life? Did the uncertainty of not knowing where to go next scare you?

A to Z Challenge: Zero Excuses

Whoooooo! I finally made the last post. ^_^

Thank you to all of you who read my post. I hope you enjoyed my challenge offerings.

Today's post is a bit of a kick-start, I hope.

See, I was once in a place where I was pretty much miserable, but living with the misery. Because while I hated where I was, it was familiar. And familiar was comfortable.

I made every excuse I could to stay in my comfort zone. "It's my own fault I'm so miserable", "Give it a few years and I'll do what I want", "but there are so many perks to this", "I'll never get a chance like this again", "I have no resources to change my situation" and on and on and on.

The thing is, excuses never make me feel less miserable. They just sort of give me a reason not to move. And that's so dangerous. Why?

Because these are answers and counter-questions that I discovered when I seriously considered taking charge of my life:

Credit

"It's my own fault I'm so miserable" => "Yep. Because you're allowing myself to wallow in a situation you hate."
"Give it a few years and I'll do what I want" => "If you die today, what will you have shown for your time?"
"But there are so many perks to this" => "Yep, and you'll probably blow your brains out in one of them."
"I'll never get a chance like this again" => "Assuming the above doesn't happen, am you going to come to the end of your life, thinking: 'Was that it? Why did I waste so much time?'"
"I have no resources to change my situation" => "Crap. You're perfectly equipped to take charge of your life. You're just being lazy."

Did I ever mention that God pulls no punches when I honestly ask for answers?

Any way... He had an excellent point. And while some of the answers were really harsh, they really cut through years of nonsense that I told myself. Those answers changed my life.

So if you've read through my posts and still think that taking charge of your life isn't worth the effort, even when you feel discontented and miserable, I want to ask you to do a couple of things for me.

Firstly, please ask yourself: Why can't I just try taking charge of my life?
Then write down all of the reasons why and ask God to address those questions for you. Maybe He'll treat you with kid gloves, maybe He won't. But I promise you that it will change your life if you listen to Him.
After that... the choice is yours.

Let me know how it goes?

A to Z Challenge: X Marks the Spot AKA Know Where You're Going

Wow, I can't believe how fast April is going by. But it just goes to show you. Time can pass with relative ease when you have at least some sort of plan.

I mean, I only planned in the broadest sense, but I knew where this blog was headed for April, so I didn't have any issues with delivering the posts. Even though I didn't manage to schedule more than the first six or so days.

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Life's a lot like that too. You don't have to plan every tiny detail, but having at least a vague idea of where you're headed helps a lot. It shows you what needs to be done. Also, it gives you an idea of when these things need to be done.

Also, knowing where you're headed is a lot like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. Especially when that place is somewhere you want to be.

But if you don't know yet, don't force yourself to decide. That just opens you up to "helpful" outsiders who invariably give you bad advice that you'll follow, because you won't know it's bad until later.

And yes, I know this from experience. Much better to give yourself time to decide. And remember, once you decide on what you want, you don't have to lock yourself in. If you find yourself being miserable in something you thought you'd enjoy, change your destination and move on.

At least you would have learnt from the bad experience.

If you insist on staying just because you chose it, you're just making yourself miserable, and it's not what taking charge of your life is about.

So yes, it's okay to change where you're headed, as long as you're headed somewhere, and at least have a clue about where you want to be.

Did you ever choose to do something and end up hating it? Did you move on or did you stay? How did it work out for you?

A to Z Challenge: Work

Most of us find ourselves doing work that's not really all that in line with what we want, with what we dream for ourselves. 

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It can be a source of huge frustration.

Especially when it feels as if we're locked in, for example by responsibilities to those we love. 

I felt that way about my university course, and to a large extent I still feel that way. But I realize that I can't shirk my responsibilities to chase after dreams, no matter how important they are. 

So that means that I have to do both. And that I sacrifice other things, like watching t.v. in order to make more time for things that mean a lot to me. 

Of course, I am foreseeing a crunch-time on the horizon when my work and dream-work have to coincide, but until then, I'm investing time in both, trusting that my dedication will pay off. 

Are you also frustrated because what you're doing isn't helping you to your dream? Or are you lucky enough to be passionate about what you do? 

A to Z Challenge: Unique

As I mentioned earlier in the challenge, people stuck in the status quo try almost anything to keep you from changing the way you live.

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After all, things are comfortable when everyone around you is moving in the same direction as you. But if someone changes their direction... now that's discomfiting. So the general reaction from everyone staying in the stream would be to change you around. Push you into their mold.

Standardize you. Like a lot of them have been standardized.

But the comfort that comes from just settling in the mold of other people's creation comes at a price. Your true happiness. The joy of knowing that you're following God's will. Pretty much any zest that your life might have had. Is it really worth it?

So when people force you into a mold that you have to stay in for a while, just remember that you're unique and made for more than what people around you want to be.

Not because they do it on purpose, but because God thinks so much bigger than any of us do...

Do you also feel frustrated when people push you into a mold you don't like? Which molds do you like?

A to Z Challenge: Opportunity

If you're on the opposite side of the "no" spectrum from yesterday's post, I'm going to have to make the suggestion that you do these instead. 

Not sure if I can, but I'll try. (Careful not to use this with people who don't get that your time is your time.)

Yes. 

Let's see what I can do. 

Why? Because if you've already gotten your priorities in a row, and you're getting everything done, but you're not doing anything new, you're actually doing something really naughty: You're missing opportunities. 

Opportunities to learn. Opportunities to make friends or contacts. Opportunities to strengthen your ties with people. Worst of all, opportunities to further your dreams. 

How can saying no influence your dreams? Well easy. If you randomly get approached to try something that you've never done. Something you're hoping to do one day, but are terrified to do now, because of your lack of experience. What do you do? 

I would say two things: 1) That I'm not experienced and therefore can't make promises. BUT 2) that I'd LOVE to try it anyway if the person is willing to give me the chance. 

Because I can actually get way ahead of the game compared to if I say no. And even if I don't do as well as I could have had I did the same thing later, at least I got to learn. AND the person I did it for now has a relationship with me, so one day, if I really am ready to take on the thing I want to do, I can contact him/her again. 

Sometimes, seemingly unrelated favors can lead to something important to you later. 

I'm not saying that one should say yes to everything that everyone tosses your way. But don't just say no. Think. You don't know if something might lead to the opportunity of a lifetime. So use your yesses and no's wisely. 

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Have you ever said yes to something that led to a great opportunity later? 

A to Z Challenge: No

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On J-Day, I mentioned and explained the importance of prioritization when it comes to taking charge of our lives.

Today, I'm continuing along that vein to that situation where we are confronted with those incredibly difficult things called time wasters.

So when I mentioned priorities, I listed the following order:

Then I pick the most important things with deadlines (in order of immediacy)

Followed by less important things with deadlines 

Then important things without deadlines.

Everything else.

So now you notice that the less than important things with deadlines are second in the row. Weird, given that they're not important, right? 

Well... why is it that people just jump into doing these stupid activities? Easy, because others ask them too, and they say yes. 

So, if you find that your priorities are messed up because you have too many time-wasters on your schedule: repeat after me. 

No. 

I'm sorry but....

Maybe at another time? 

With those three phrases mastered, you'll be able to keep your schedules open for important things. I'm not saying that you should say no to everything, but if you've been saying yes too often, No might just be your solution.

Do you struggle with saying no? If you don't, do you have any tips for those that do? 

21 Days

This is not an A to Z Challenge post. :-) 

It is, however, a post about something in my life that is very important to me. Prayer. 

I believe that God wants to give us what we need. That much I know. Still, there's more to prayer than asking for things. It's about building a relationship with God. 

In other words, it's about talking AND listening. 

Still, I admit that I've come to struggle with prayer. Not out of lack of faith or lack of things to pray for. 

Instead, my problem is a lack of time. I'm literally waking up hours before the sun just so that I can both write and keep my family happy and work. At night, I write or edit some more, if there's not some activity that requires attention. 

This isn't an excuse I've been making. It's just the truth. But when I did the J-post, I started realizing that my priorities have gotten a bit out of order. GOD first. Then everything else. 

So my problem wasn't lack of time. It was with making time. 

Which is why the service I attended tonight really got me interested. It's called the 21 Day Challenge. The goal: making a date with God every day for twenty one days. So picking a time to devote to Him. And a place where I can give him my undivided attention. I know that my place will be outside, because I no longer have a room of my own or a place in my house where I can just be quiet. Then I need to pick something to pray about for 21 days. One thing. 

So I decided to start taking daily walks. Some of the best times I had with God was while I was in motion, so I'm hoping that it will be like that again. I'm thinking to devote thirty to sixty minutes after work, because my mornings and nights are crazy. And I decided to pray about God's promise for my life and future. 

I'm thinking once this challenge is done, I'll start another one and pray for something else. 

So starting tomorrow, I'll be taking walks with God. 

Will you like to join me in the challenge? Where will you go? What will you be praying for?