A to Z of Lessons Learned in 2014: Ownership

This is a bit of a tricky subject for me to write about, so please bear with me.

See, 2014 and about three months into 2015 have been the worst times I've experienced in years. Although it didn't touch my health and those of most of my loved ones (for which I remain thankful.) 

But to sum up 2014: I saw basically everything of meaning that me and my family had built up for years lost through no fault of our own. (And the fallout continued into this year too. Although now I can safely say that things are going much better.) 

The thing is that really, when nothing can be done, ownership hurts. Because it makes the loss so much more personal. I couldn't take complete ownership, though. I couldn't take ownership of other people's choices. Only my own. And their choices meant that there was nothing I could still do and still maintain my integrity. 

I can take ownership of my integrity, though. Of my dignity as I went through a rough year. 

I can still take ownership of things that I can control. 

And the one thing I could control other than my dignity and integrity was what I'd do next. This is where taking ownership is a good thing. 

Because when things go this badly, everything comes down to two options: 

Get back up or don't. 

I decided to get back onto my feet. 

What about you? What's your relationship with ownership like? 

A to Z Challenge: Grief

Yesterday, I'd mentioned that my natural go to when someone hurts me is anger. This isn't always a bad thing. It means that I very rarely go through life feeling like I'm being bullied. If someone tries it, my temper goes and I cut the bully tactic off beneath the knees.

The thing is, sometimes, ending something (even if I come out winning in some way) doesn't make the anger leave. It festers inside me, and then when something else happens to make me even angrier, the festering gets a little bit worse.

Last year, this happened so many times that my anger took on physical manifestations like nausea, migraines and such. This got me thinking about it a lot, and I realized that I unconsciously use my anger as a shield. If my anger engages first, I often don't feel the emotional impact of what has happened to me.

That does not, however, mean that there's no emotional impact. In fact, I think the opposite is true. I think the emotions and hurt I might not be consciously feeling, is the thing that makes my anger become this consuming poison that ends up controlling my life much more than I should.

I think about it this way. If my anger is a shield that comes up at the first sign of damage (because I'd be a very angry person to keep the shield up all the time), it probably won't go away until I've actually handled to pain it knows is there. The pain that'll keep eating away at me even while I don't really realize how bad it is.

And then it literally makes me sick.

So getting rid of this manifestation required a two pronged approach. I needed to forgive so the anger could go away. And I needed to get rid of the pain inside me so that the anger wouldn't come back.

There's only one way to get rid of the pain itself. Grieving. 

In other words, actually feeling the emotions I'm going through and admitting that people who didn't deserve any involvement in my life had a huge impact on it. To actually sit down in a little heap and cry instead of holding a grudge.

I'm lucky (and grateful) that I already had tools and knowledge at my disposal that helped me to do this. (Long story as to how I got there, so I won't go into it.) But, I realize that sometimes, the weight of our grief becomes so heavy that we can't always deal on our own. That's when we need help, not so much to grieve, but to get through the process.

Because grieving shouldn't be indefinite either. 

It's not pleasant, but it's necessary. The point is to one day come to a place where you can think about what had happened without anger and without bitterness, but while wanting to move on.

Thankfully, I can say I'm at this stage now, and even when I speak of how I've been hurt, mostly I'm okay. In fact, I'm able to go back to the year I'd been grieving so that I can pick over the remains and see what I've learned. This is what I'm doing now.

I'll keep those lessons moving forward. But once I'm done with this Challenge, I'm tossing 2014 away and moving on.

How do you move on? Do you move on?

A to Z Challenge: Doing What I Can With What I Have

I didn't forget that I was supposed to post yesterday. Nor did I decide to just not post. Nor did I give up.

The truth is, I spent pretty much all day yesterday trying to get into blogger so that I can write my posts (yeah, I write them on the day). But alas, I was stuck without an internet connection until about an hour ago. 

So here I am, hoping that my connection doesn't fail me again before I get to post. 

It's fitting, though, because it corresponds with D-Day's lesson that I've learned from 2014.

As 2014 went on and more things kept going wrong, it was almost too easy to focus on what I didn't have than what I did have or was capable of doing. 

Luckily for me, though, I remembered this one thing that I've always believed in. 

No matter what, there's always something that we can do. No, the circumstances might not be ideal or there might be about a million things that might be beyond my reach. 

But there's always something within my reach and I can use that to the best of my ability. 

So when things were absolutely bleak and I had almost nothing else left, I turned back to my writing after almost a year of writing very little. You'd think that in those circumstances, I'd get very little writing done. 

You'd be wrong. 

I wrote 60k words in December alone. And I've been averaging 25k per month ever since. (Even though my return to internet and business means I have less writing time.) 

But that, my friends, is amateurish stuff. This guy's a master: 

Needless to say, yesterday, I was tempted to be annoyed when my internet connection went. But you know what? I'm blessed to have it on whichever days I do have it working. On other days, I'm just going to mess around with my shiny new ideas and add some words to my older ones. Because that I can do without being connected to the internet.

Do you have a fall-back when everything else goes wrong? Want to tell us about it? 

A to Z Challenge: Anger and Acceptance

2014 was, as far as I can remember, the worst year I have ever experienced. It's so bad that I'm already three months into 2015 and I'm still working on coming to terms with everything that had happened.

Which is why my theme for this year is Lessons I Learned because of 2014. I know that the best way I can deal with this terrible time is to look for the positives. And the positives almost all come in the form of things I've learned.

This is probably the hardest theme I've ever chosen, because it needs for me to step back from everything and gain perspective. Which is also good for me. I just hope I can put it into words in a way that might help other people. (Sorry if the posts go on long! It's hard enough just to say what I'm feeling without trying to limit my words. I'll try to keep to 500 words, though.)

Okay. Let me take a deep breath and start at the beginning.

The truth is, I'm much more cynical than most people like to think. I'm not a pessimist, mind you. I just have this thing where I'm really good at reading people warts and all, which means that I'm prone to see the bad things and focus on them.

This isn't a good thing, so over the years I've taught myself to look for the positive side too and give people the benefit of the doubt. We all have strengths and weaknesses and which one shows is the big battle of each person's existence.

And if I want any chance at actually building relationships with people around me, I have to trust that the good side will win out with every person. This, honestly, isn't easy for me, but in 2013/2014, it was the easiest I've ever experienced.

And then I got betrayed.

Not once. Not twice. Four times. In ways that invariably destroyed at least one aspect to my life. My publishing goals. My business. My home. Twice.

I can't describe the way that feels.

Enraged. I was so furious every time that it made me feel physically sick. Just seeing something that reminded me of those people or hearing their names made me want to throw up.

Maybe it's a good thing that my anger took on such a physical form, because it made me take stock. I realized that feeling this way actually hurt me much more than the betrayal itself. And that got me to thinking...

All these betrayals made me want to do nothing more than to just close myself off from the world and never have anything to do with it again. I didn't want to try trusting people again. I didn't want anything to do with them.

The thing is, changing the way I want my life to be because of the actions of those people destroys any future relationship I might forge. Life-changing relationships. Loving relationships. True ones.

Which means that not only did those traitors destroy my publishing deal, my business, my home. Oh no. It also means I've given them permission to invade my life and destroy my relationships - past, present and future - as well.

My response, instead, has been to work towards accepting what's happened. Not "Oh well, that's too bad."

More:

I accept that people aren't always good.
I accept that some people can and will purposefully hurt me and those I love.
But I also accept that there are still people out there who are good people.
Those are the people for whom I'm risking to trust every time...
Even if it might mean I get hurt again. 

Most of all: 

I accept that while these events did a lot of damage...
They didn't put me down.
And I will rise up from the ashes and be happy despite those people's efforts.
Because what I refuse to accept
Is any further influence from their side on my life. 

What have you learned to accept from 2014?

Heads-up! I've changed my comment form to pop-ups because the embedded version seems to be giving some people trouble. Word verification is turned off, though, so you can ignore the block that says "Prove you're not a robot." Sadly, I can't seem to remove it. Stupid Blogger. 

The Things We Say to Ourselves #OneBeautifulThought

Today, I saw an advert by Dove that really hit me. Before I share my thoughts, though, I thought you might want to watch the vid yourself. Even if you're a guy. It's worth thinking about so bear with me.

All done? Good. So obviously, Dove is all about making it's target audience (women) feel beautiful. But really, this message can be drawn much further than that.

It's something that crosses all boundaries of age, gender, personality, race... name it.

We talk ourselves down. I'm just a fake, pretending I can do this. I'm not a strong person. I've got so many issues that I don't know how to even start listing them. 

I'm never ever going to make it. 

The women in the video had to hear these insulting things they said to themselves just so they could realize how much they've been insulting themselves. Unfortunately, I don't have two actresses on hand to make my point, so I want you to try imagining what you'd do if you heard people tossing the insults you give yourselves at each other.

And then, if at all possible, I want you to stop.

Because when it comes to having a fulfilled, rich life, the only person who can truly stop you is:

You. 

And this, insulting yourself by telling yourself that you're weak, stupid, and powerless to do anything about yourself is precisely the way that you use to do it.

So now I'm going to say this:

You are an amazing person.
You can set out to do what you're meant to do.
You can find out what that is.
You are stronger than you imagine.
You are strong enough to overcome your obstacles. 

Now, YOU try telling yourself some nice things. 

I'd love to see them in the comments. 

Taking Charge of My Life... Again.

I'm finally back online. Actually, I have been since Friday, but in all the excitement, it wasn't easy to sit down and write this post.

Even now, while everything is relatively quiet. I'm struggling to find the words.

2014 did some serious damage, which led this blog to dwindling to almost nothing. I've written about the reasons for this before, but now I think there's another reason to it too.

See, this blog is about life in general and my life in particular. But for most of 2014, I didn't have a life. 2014 was a rapid succession of various disasters that left me reeling. And before I could recover enough to investigate/think about/write about any of it, the next disaster hit.

In other words, I didn't have a life to write about. It was all survival.

And really, there's nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes things happen in life that are completely beyond our control. Last year was a good example of it. It wasn't like I stopped trying to make things better, but instead that everything I tried made things worse.

Nowadays, it feels like there's a bit of a reprieve. I'm hoping that it's a sign that things are really settling down again. In the meantime, I'm doing all I can to recharge and regain perspective.

I'm not just staying here, though. Now's not the time to sit on my backside and bemoan my fate. I have to fix everything again. Or replace things. It won't be the exact same as before, but that's okay.

It does feel, though, as if now's the time where I have to regain the upper hand over my circumstances once more. I'll be writing about it here.


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Four lessons I'm taking into 2015...

So... I'm still stuck without reliable Internet access. Which is why I've been so very quiet lately.

Still alive. Quite well. And... camping. Yep. My family of five members, three dogs, six cats and a parrot are currently living in two caravans, since we're living on a farm now where we still need to build the house.

Add to that the fact that it was silly season (not sure if it's the same up north, but in South Africa, at least, EVERYTHING except retail closes or is reduced to skeleton staff at end November.) which meant that we couldn't submit the planning permission required to start building. (Nor, for that matter, could we even have the plans drawn.)

Anyway. As I mentioned quite a few times: last year sucked. And... well... things didn't simply snap back when January 1 dawned. I'm still carrying the wounds from last year and there are still a few things (like an announcement on Facebook by someone I thought I'd unfriended, but I forgot to unlike her page) that hit me like a punch to the gut.

At the same time, though, I am feeling better.

Because... for now at least, it's all over. By the end of last year, the things that went wrong, did so spectacularly. But the fireworks are over. Now all I have to deal with is the smoldering remains. Which is quite a nice change, frankly, after so much drama and explosions.

For one thing, it's so much more... peaceful, which means that I've written almost 70 thousand words since December started and I've read a third of the amount of books I read in 2014, in the first week of January.

I'm getting a lot done at the moment, and in doing so, I'm actually doing a lot of other things as well:

1) I'm trusting God. Honestly, last year was so hard towards the end that my trust had been shaken. But now that things are calming down again, I'm able to gain some perspective on 2014. And it's something I just do know: Even if I don't understand, God's still there, and He still has my back. Now that I remember that again, I'm peaceful, which I can't honestly say is a state I've been in since mmm...  I don't know... December 2013.

2) I'm working to forgive. This one is hard. This is the one where all nature of things remind me of what went wrong, who wronged me and how they did it. Once I used to be an angry and vindictive person, and it could be so easy to get back to that, but the truth is, no matter what, the one who gets the most damage from me not forgiving is me. So what's the point? These people hurt me. Quite a few of them cut to the quick. My automatic reaction to go cut even deeper than that, but in doing so, I would lose myself. Which hurts me even more. By acting on this desire for vengeance, I'd only be hurting myself in ways that no one else ever could. It's not worth it. They aren't worth my happiness. Besides, I happen to believe that people get what they deserve. If not now, then in the afterlife. God's job is to judge. Mine is to learn, let go and move on.

Neither are easy, but both are doable. It starts with a few prayers for help. It continues with listening to that soft, gentle voice inside. It finishes with taking the right actions. Like unfollowing/unliking someone rather than leaving a nasty comment. Like knowing that at least I can continue living my life without having compromised on who I am. And...

3) I'm being grateful. Sometimes, this is all the perspective we need. Because throughout all the bad stuff that went wrong in 2014, there is much to be grateful for. Like... we're all healthy and alive. And we found the perfect place to stay (the fact that there's no house aside.).

Lastly:

4) I've regained hope. At some stage, I've given up hope that things would ever be okay again, but they are. And they will get better. I just need to keep going.

How was your year in 2014? Any lessons you're taking into 2015?

Digging

This is going to sound funny, but I sort of forgot the day, yesterday, so here I am, doing a post on Thurday to make up.

I mean, it just won't do to just keep skipping posts...

Pictures are still coming. I'll try to get them downloaded this weekend.

In the mean time, I thought I'd write about something that's been on my mind since Monday.

Al Diaz wrote this post about life and achieving goals.

He's so right. Setting goals is a wonderful tool, especially when you want to live your life to the full, but not when they blind you to the possibilities life offers.

As he said, we sometimes think we're against a wall. We make a plan to break through it, but when we do, we discover we're actually facing a mountain.

Most of us continue trying to break through as if it's still the wall we thought it was. Some of us aren't even digging through the right mountain.

It'll end up taking up so much time that you don't have time for anything else. To me, that's just not worth it, no matter how wonderful the goal may be.

So, if you're a goal-setter, remember to evaluate your plans for those goals every now and then. And remember to take a break from it every now and then. It's important to rest too.

Don't tell me you'll rest when you're dead. That'll just age you faster.

What about you? Have you ever come so very close to giving up, only to realize you've been going about something the wrong way?

A to Z Challenge: Zooming On

Before we start, I just want to leave a quick thank you to every one who read and who commented on my blogs this month. I truly hope that this series touched you in some positive way. And then, I want to congratulate everyone who reached Z this month!

Today's post is going to be pretty different from the others. 

You see, after everything I shared this month, the person who takes charge of his or her life is, in fact, in charge. Even if the lessons I shared take more than a month to put into practice. 

So what's next? 

Well. That's the nice part. Whatever you want. Whatever God guides you to do. 

And you'll keep getting better at those lessons. 

And you'll keep going on. 

And things will be so much easier than you imagined. 

May God bless you on this journey. 

Prayer

Lord, 

I've done what I could to share what I've learnt. I pray that the people who are meant to read this series, do. I pray that You bless them on their journeys, so that they never for a moment doubt that You're doing the blessing. 

I'd ask that You make things easy, but easy isn't worth it. 

I'd ask that You carry them when they're tired, console them when they're hurt. But, then You've always been there to do that. 

So most of all, I pray that this journey will bring them closer to You and Your unconditional love and forgiveness. 

I pray this in Jesus's name. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Youth

One thing I've heard so many times be it in reality or fiction is a bit of a universal lament. If only I'd done this when I was young. Now it's too late.

A good cautioning tale, I'm sure. Reminding us kids never to miss an opportunity while we can.

Except here's the thing, I believe there are few reasons why age should be a limiter on exploring new activities.

But then, I have a great-aunt who's currently touring Greece.

Aged 80-something.

Everything we want to do depends on our capability, yes, but this doesn't mean you stop living after forty.  Go see the world. Go to that art class you always wanted to do. Go learn piano. (I know a lady who went to her first lesson aged 75. After she was pretty much deaf.)

Most things in life aren't about youth. You can do them regardless of age, and they'll keep you young.

So what are you waiting for? Go find something new to do.

Prayer

Lord, 

I still want to do so many things, even though I've left them undone for so long. 

Please help me find the things I can and still want to do. And give me the courage to learn them. 

I ask this in Jesus's name. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Xcitement

Before I start today's post, I just want to ask that you please pray for Damyanti and her family. A few weeks ago, her sister-in-law passed away. But that's not all. A couple of days ago, her mother-in-law was bitten by a saw-scaled viper. This is a terribly venomous snake and she's in the hospital as we speak, fighting for her life. Allergic to the anti-venom, and systems starting to fail. D asked me to spread the word as far as I can, as her mother-in-law and the family as a whole need as many prayers as they can get. Please share this message with as many people as you can. And please pray.




Excitement comes with the territory once you take charge of your life. Makes sense, if you think about it. By taking charge, you take ownership of it. Suddenly, your life has so many possibilities and you know by now that nothing is quite as impossible as you believed before.

And trying to do something you love is so much better than succeeding at something you despise. 

So life becomes exciting, even if you do the same thing every day. Your actions will have new meaning. Out of this, joy will flow. 

Enjoy it! 

Prayer

Lord, 

Today I just want to praise you for being such an amazing father. Thank You for giving me a life worth being excited about. Thank You for the bounty of blessings that you have given me. 

Thank You for the promise that life will never stop being exciting as long as I spend it as You wish me to. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Vivre

After I took my first steps towards taking charge of my life, I found that I became more goal orientated. Almost nothing important to me exists in my mind without a goal attached. 

Of course, this makes me a lot more productive than I used to be. I now no longer have to force myself into doing boring things. Most of what I do go towards some goal. 

This can bring a bit of a problem, though. I get so focused on the important tasks that the less important tasks go ignored. Except for one thing. Some of those seemingly unimportant activities are in fact vital. Things like going to watch a movie. Or drinking coffee with a friend. Or playing with your child. In fact, sometimes it feels like life is getting in the way of what you should be doing. 

Life doesn't fit neatly into our plans, so those little distractions it throws in our way can be annoying. But without them, your life wouldn't be worth living. Your time spent on your goal will be for nothing. Because if you refuse to live, you'll end up with nothing worth remembering, and no one to share your life with. 

So, if life comes knocking, let it in. Spend time with your loved ones. Do something new and unrelated. Make memories. Recharge your batteries. 

Taking a break from your goals is more than okay. 

It's necessary. 

Prayer

Thank you for the many chances I get to live in the present, Lord. Please help me to see them for the opportunities that they are. Let me remember what blessings such moments are and please help me to make the absolute most of them. 

I ask this in Jesus's name. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Uncertainty

One thing that's really difficult about taking charge of one's life is the uncertainty that goes with it.

Because more often than not, living the life you supposed to entails the sacrifice of security now for happiness and success in the future.

I can't begin to describe the sort of mind shift it takes to move away from this. It's a lot like materialism. In fact, I think our desire for security and the need for money are inter-related.

As a result, the first steps in taking charge of your life will be the most difficult. After years of getting used to things being a certain way, you're suddenly having to do things without a plan. Without even really knowing how exactly you get to your end goal.

Heck. You might not even know what the goal is.

But in order to get anywhere in your new life, you're going to have to learn how to function in uncertainty. Actually (and you might not believe me) you'll probably grow to love it.

No matter what, life will at least never be boring again.

Prayer

Lord, 

Thank You for this chance to take charge of my life. I'm finding it a little hard to cope with the uncertainty, though. Please help me get used to it and enjoy the challenge. 

And please give me the wisdom required to make the correct choices. 

In Jesus's name I pray. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Tests

By now, this is starting to sound like a refrain, but taking charge of our lives is never easy. If you're walking this road with God, you're going to deal with tests as well. He tests our faith, because based on our faith, He knows when we're ready for the challenges that come with the next part of our lives. This test of faith mainly takes two forms.

Firstly, there's obedience. He tells you to do something obscure, odd, difficult or impossible. You can choose whether or not you want to obey, but if you don't, you can bet two things. 1) You're going to stay where you are for a while longer and 2) You're going to take the test again.

Another test that God uses is on our patience. He tells us to wait. Or to make things a bit trickier, He makes us wait by not telling us anything at all. Our job is to keep strong in prayer while waiting for Him to give us the answer. The faster we cling to God in this difficult time, the better.

These tests can be hard at the time, but there's something wonderful about them. God gives us more than one chance. And when we do succeed, the rewards a bountiful blessings.

Unfortunately, though, I can't really say much more on this topic.  I can't really give advice, because how one makes these choices is highly personal. All I can do is ask you to keep what I told you in mind. It might help you to decide the right way when your next test comes up.

Oh and... one more thing. With your blessings, you'll get more tests for chances at more blessings.

Prayer

Lord, 

Thank You for giving me so many wonderful chances to grow as a person. I relish the chance to find out more about who I am and what You want me to do, but know that the tests aren't always easy. 

Please guide me, Lord. Please give me the discernment to know when You are testing me so that I can be fully prepared to do what I need to do. 

I pray this in Jesus's name. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Support

When you're starting to take charge of your life, there's one thing that's quite important to your success. You need to find kindred spirits. 

Because you've entered a phase of your life where very few people dare to go. Most of the people you know and love have no idea about what supporting you entails. You need someone who understands. Who can help you stay strong when things get difficult. 

On the other hand, there's an aspect I've found that people on this road seem to forget. Support should always be a two way road. You and your friend should support one another. If one needs to carry and drag the other along, there's a problem. If you're the someone getting dragged, you need to take a hard look at yourself. At the heart of it, you're just being a bit more actively passive by having someone drag you. 

And if you're the one doing the dragging, let go and give the dragee a solid kick in the butt. Carrying your friend isn't your job. You already have enough on your plate with taking charge of your own life. If the person doesn't want to stand on their own, go on alone. Remember what I said about Priorities? (P-Day)

See, there are people who want to take charge, but continue on their previous habits and ways of thinking. You can try to wake them up to this fact, but in the end, you can't solve their issues. But you can help them work through them when they try to get through something.

They're supposed to do the same with you. 

This reciprocation is vital. So please watch out for relationships that are turning you into a well-appreciated doormat. 

Prayer

Lord, 

Thank You for being the most supreme of all supporters. Thank You that I can know that You'll never ever let me down. 

Still, I know I need human companions in this process. Please help us find each other, Lord. Help us to build good, balanced relationships based on trust, and give and take. Please send me the friends I need. And please help me to be the friend they need as well. 

In Jesus's name I pray. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Returning to Dreams

In the dark times when you have to find who you are, you also need to work out where you want to be going.

Even if you're not exactly sure about what you want from your future, there's a definite, sure-fire way to at least get going. Start going through all your memories. See what you've wanted to do since you were a little child.

Look for patterns. I'm not talking about becoming an astronaut because you wanted to when you were seven. I'm saying that you should look for the things you love and have always loved. Like if you wanted to learn the piano for years, but never got to. Or if you always loved working with people, but ended up working on computers all the time.

Those are the sorts of things you go for. Because if you have a deep desire to do something, it might be because you were made to do it. So if you take action towards those things, you automatically add value to your life.

So go take piano lessons. Or help out at church or whatever it takes to satisfy the desire you've neglected for years.

Or if you know that you want to turn that something into a career, start planning and moving towards that. You don't always have to just drop everything and upend your life. It can be a gradual shift towards your goal.

Bit by bit, you'll get where you want to be.

One day, you'll look around you and realize that you took charge of your life years ago. The day you started chasing down your dreams.

Prayer

Lord, 

Thank you for giving me dreams and wishes that can guide me towards what I'm supposed to be doing. 

I'm sorry that I shoved them aside for so long. It was a terrible mistake, and I want to live my life as you intended. 

Please help me find those dreams again. Help me to find a way to bring them to life, Lord. And please help me to let them come true. 

I ask this in Jesus's name. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Quitting

This might seem like an odd thing to write about for this series, but quitting could be an important component to taking charge of your life.

Sometimes, we do things that are important to us. Or that we think will bring us nearer to our goal. Except the longer we stay there, the unhappier we become.

Those times, it could be better for all around to just walk away. However, it's important to seek God's will first, as it might just be a test.

You'll know the difference, but rule of thumb is this. If you're coming home every day feeling like you're getting absolutely nowhere, wanting to literally cry because of the extreme frustration. If it feels as if you're running into closed doors everywhere, odds are God closed them. Which means you should be looking for another door. Maybe in another hallway.

Because this is often what it comes down to. God's will versus your will. You think you know what you need in your life. He knows. Wrestling with Him to get what you want might work, but I promise you it won't be all that you imagined it to be. One the other hand, His will leads you to better places than you could even have dreamed.

Personally, I prefer the latter above all, but I also know that saying the words "Your will be done" and meaning them are two different things. Because God's will can sometimes make life incredibly difficult. He's not about making things easy (although He does help). He's about building those who follow Him. Which means that you'll go through some difficult times in your life.

Like quitting when you don't know what you have to do next. Or staying when you really want to quit.

Prayer

Lord, 

Thank you for always being with me. I know that You know what a difficult time I'm going through right now. Please guide me through it. If I need to find a way out, please show me. If I need to stay, please give me the strength to do so. Please help me to see Your will and to obey it, Lord. 

In Jesus's name I pray. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Priorities

When we are busy taking charge of our lives, there is suddenly so much to do. There are all the things you need to do and learn to get to your goal.

And then there are still some "obligations" from before. Like taking care of family. Spending  time with your friends. (Any of those whose negative outlooks aren't trying to bring you down.) Spending time with God is another good example. Note the quotes above. Because none of these should really feel like something you have to do, but rather what you want to do.

On top of all that, there are the many tiny little "favors" that people want you to do. Errands for others... Projects at work that isn't really in your job description. Especially the "optional ones". You  know, the things that keep you from doing what you should be doing. They seem so small in the beginning, but invariably, they add up to a serious drain on your time.

If you keep doing these things for people, they'll keep heaping more on you. So. At some point, you need to sit down and see what's important to you and what you want to do. Because deep down, you definitely don't want to be everyone's door mat. Once you know what you're willing to do, you're welcome to continue them. The others, you say no to.

The people who've used you up to this point won't like it. After all, they'll have to do the things they never felt like themselves. Which is truly so sad for them. They'll probably put up some resistance, but stay strong.

The time you'll win to do things you love will make it all worth while.

Prayer

Lord, 

I feel like I'm drowning in little odd favors and demands that people put on me. I know that the only way out is to prioritize and cut back on things that aren't worthwhile. Please help me to see what I should stop doing and give me the strength to say "no". 

I pray this in Jesus's name. 

Amen. 

A to Z Challenge: Open Eyes

Open eyes are a skill every person who wants to take charge of his/her life needs to develop. We need to see what's around us in the present so that we can live in it. 

Beauty and opportunity abounds if we are open to it. Usually, opportunity takes work, but we need to spot one before going after it. 

And if we're blinded by whatever we're busy with at the moment or what we're planning to achieve later, that's going to be difficult. 

Also, we need to be mindful of people around us. Taking charge of your life will turn you into a dynamic person. And certain people will try to use you as a free ride of some sort. Although I'm all for helping people, there's also a point at which we need to say no. (But that's for tomorrow's post.)

Keep your mind open, though. Help where and when you can. But only when you know you can help. 

Mainly though, open eyes are tools to get you through life. You'll see who of your loved ones need you. Or what you need to go to get to the next phase in your life. They show us the lessons we need to learn from mistakes. They help us live consciously doing things for a reason. Things that add value to our lives. 

Without them, we'd be stuck wasting our time on the meaningless again. 

Prayer

Lord, 

Please let me see what You want me to see. Help me to see the opportunities you send my way. Help me to see at least a little bit of Your plan so that I know where You want me to go next. 

I pray this in Jesus's name. 

Amen. 

A to Z Challenge: Nearer Thank You Think

Everyone wants to be happy. I think that's a pretty safe assumption. Not even the most masochistic of people will enjoy going through a life they don't enjoy. 

Yet so many people are unhappy. 

There's even a term for people suffering from a sort of depression at aged 25. The quarter-life crisis. Before, it had been the mid-life crisis where people wake up one day and wonder whether their life really is as good as it's going to get. Now it's striking people even sooner. 

And you know, maybe that's a good thing. 

You see, we sometimes wake up and find ourselves trapped in our surroundings. So our first response is to find escapist entertainment. Because if we can distract ourselves long enough, maybe being trapped won't matter so much. As a result, we have multi-billion dollar industries catering to short term entertainment. Movies. Games. T.V. 

I have nothing against those, but when I was seeking escape, I soon noticed that it never really made me happy. Sure, it kept me entertained. But once I left the cinema or turned off the T.V. I was still trapped. And still not really all that enthusiastic about it. 

So I decided to change. I'd make happiness my goal. True happiness. You know... the sort where you're grinning all the time. 

I learnt two things after that. 

Firstly, that happiness is much closer than you think. It's literally one meaningful activity away. I'm not necessarily talking about devoting time to activities. But I am talking about stuff that add meaning to your life. Devoting time to your children. Or getting back to jogging, if you really want to be fit. To me, it's art. I like spending time on activities where I have something to show for my time spent. Everyone has something like that. And when you make time to do it, you're making yourself happier. 

Secondly, I've found that happiness isn't about singing, dancing and laughing all the time. It's about knowing that, no matter how bad things are today, you could have been worse off. It's about loving the life you have, even when you know there's more work to be done to make it better. It's about living in the now, enjoying the small but wonderful things life has to offer, and having it sooth you in ways you never imagined. 

The always smiling, never fighting, stage musical that is the happy life as seen on T.V. is a lie. And I'm glad. Because smiling or not, peaceful or not, with music or without, the joy in my life is there. And it always is. 

I only need to tap into it. 

Prayer

Lord, 

Thank you for giving me so many opportunities to be happy, to live my life the way You intended it.

I just want to ask that You please help me see them now. I've spent such a long time chasing after cheap thrills in order to simulate happiness that I'm not used to the real stuff any more. 

Help me find what adds value to my life and to the lives of those closest to me. 

Help me to find true happiness, the way You intended. 

I pray this in Jesus's name. 

Amen.