A to Z Challenge: Uncertainty

One thing that's really difficult about taking charge of one's life is the uncertainty that goes with it.

Because more often than not, living the life you supposed to entails the sacrifice of security now for happiness and success in the future.

I can't begin to describe the sort of mind shift it takes to move away from this. It's a lot like materialism. In fact, I think our desire for security and the need for money are inter-related.

As a result, the first steps in taking charge of your life will be the most difficult. After years of getting used to things being a certain way, you're suddenly having to do things without a plan. Without even really knowing how exactly you get to your end goal.

Heck. You might not even know what the goal is.

But in order to get anywhere in your new life, you're going to have to learn how to function in uncertainty. Actually (and you might not believe me) you'll probably grow to love it.

No matter what, life will at least never be boring again.

Prayer

Lord, 

Thank You for this chance to take charge of my life. I'm finding it a little hard to cope with the uncertainty, though. Please help me get used to it and enjoy the challenge. 

And please give me the wisdom required to make the correct choices. 

In Jesus's name I pray. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Hang in There

Up to now, I've dealt with a variety of things that happen when we start taking charge of our lives. Obviously, some of them will make the process incredibly difficult. Much more so than I can describe. 

But there's one thing I do want to encourage you to do. If you know that you're on the right track. If you've been hashing things out with God and the road you're on is where He wants you. Then there's only one thing to do. 

Hang in there. 

Sometimes it'll feel like you can't do a single thing more. Or that the people around you are making things too difficult. Or that you're tired of feeling so alone and unsupported. 

The only thing you can do is hang on (I strongly suggest clinging to God in particular). 

The first part of taking charge will be difficult, but it gets better as you settle into your new life. So whatever you do, don't give up. 

Prayer

Lord, 

I'm going through a difficult time right now. Things feel like they're much more challenging than I should be. I don't know how to go on. Without You, Lord, I know I can't. 

So please help me find the strength to continue. And guide me, Lord. Because if You don't want me to do this after all, I need to know so I can change my plans. Your will be done, Lord. Not mine. 

I pray this in Jesus's name. 

Amen. 

Uncertainty

I was recently talking to a friend, who decided to take charge of her life. Exactly as I've experienced, she also came to a point that she just couldn't take being that unhappy any more and decided to do something about it.

And so she is, and I'm incredibly proud of her.

But I digress...

The real point I was getting at was that she mentioned that she has to sift through everything in her life. And in particular, her future plans. She wasn't certain if what she was planning to do is what she's supposed to do. And then, she said that she wasn't even sure how to go on...

Short answer: We don't. Not immediately.

When we come to the realization that we're unhappy with our lives, we need to find what makes us happy all over again. We can't do that by regretting and resenting things in our past, or getting stuck rushing towards the future. We need to learn to live and find ourselves in the present first.

Makes sense, right?

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Doesn't make it easy. Because in the beginning stages, this implies not having ANY plans. AT ALL. PERIOD. Nor do we have anything with which to measure success. At least, that's what I found from my experience.

The reason for this is that we need to give the reins to our life back to God. And we can't do that if we're still in that space where we're the only ones calling the shots. We need to clean the slates of our lives before we can let God write on them.

And unless He's the one doing the writing, we'll never be truly happy. Because He knows better than we do, what we need in our lives and futures.

When we spoke about this, my friend pointed out that the uncertainty of being without any plans is terrifying.

It is. Very terrifying. It took me a lot of will power to keep myself from starting on any of the plans that my mind created just to form a framework that I was used to. But I had to do it, because I knew if I acted on those impulses, that I'd be just as badly off as before. So I forced myself to wait until I grew comfortable with not knowing where I was headed.

And then (It took me about a year of doing what I had to, but not planning for my future.)... God started talking about my future. About His plans and my passions. We spoke to each other and I asked about my dreams and His will.

Before I knew it, I had a glimpse of the plan and could start doing things that brought me in line with what God wanted. But He did not give me the solution easily. I had to trust Him in the most uncertain period of my life.

And He rewarded me with blessings and happiness beyond what I had imagined.

Have you ever realized that you need to change the course of your life? Did the uncertainty of not knowing where to go next scare you?

A to Z Challenge: Trust

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The thing about going after your big dreams is that more often than not, your dreams become bigger than you are.

Take me, for instance. Once, my one dream was to write every day. Once I did that, it became to write a story. Then to finish one. Then to publish one. My novel isn't even out of edits and my dream turned into my books being widely read and loved. 

And that last part of my dream is bigger than me. Because I'll just admit that I have no idea how I'm going to manage it. 

And here's the thing. I won't. I can write every day. I can make my book as good as it possibly can be. But I can't make people like it. Which makes traditional publishing nearly impossible. Or having people like my book. I have absolutely no influence on public tastes. 

BUT God does. God wants us to do well. And He wants to bless us and our big dreams. All we have to do is follow His will and trust Him with them. 

There's no safer place for our dreams to be. After all, who gave them to you in the first place? 

Do you also struggle to trust God with your big dreams, sometimes? 

A to Z Challenge: Risk and Reward

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When it comes to taking charge of your life, there's always an element of risk involved. We can say what we want, but even as I reiterate that I am going after my dreams with all my cylinders firing, I can feel the risks involved.

Because yes, where I want to go is against the stream. If I succeed, I will be celebrated. Still, there is the possibility of failing.

That's the risk.

In order to keep going, we need to look at our risks, accept them for what they are, and grow comfortable with them. Because just as there's a chance of failing, there's still a chance of succeeding too and with that comes rewards greater than we can imagine right now.

And you know what? I'd rather aim for the skies and miss, landing in the stars, than to stay on the ground wishing I was up there.

If you aren't taking charge of your life yet, why don't you investigate the risks and rewards involved?

If you are, have you also noticed that the punishment for failure is a lot smaller than the satisfaction of a life you love and the potential rewards that come with success?

A to Z Challenge: Fear

Photo by Sabrina Campagna

So... those of the lucky few who realized the need to take charge of our lives, know to keep going through all the challenges thrown at us from outside. All the naysayers and dream-eaters in the world can't stop us. 

And then a different beast altogether crosses our paths. 

Fear. 

It comes in many shapes and sizes, but usually it comes at us with its best buddy doubt and takes two forms: 

1) What if I don't make it? 

2) What if I make it, and it isn't what I wanted after all? 

Since taking full charge of ones life is a bit of a daunting task, the first fear is probably the most immediate and real of the two. 

Take me, for example. I have three big dreams. One is to become an author, one is to become a stage performer and the third is to own my own designer clothing line. 

Easy, right? No. One involves me writing and editing, which tends to take over my life. The other involves maintaining a look, which means I have to maintain a healthy lifestyle and being fit. Not easy when you're nailed to a computer. The third involves getting training that is surprisingly expensive. So for me, making all three happen is incredibly difficult. 

The solution to this to make plans that fit in for as much as possible. For example, losing weight and keeping it off: If I look good, I feel good. So not only will it be easier for people to cast me, but I'll be able to write more. And so on. For more details on how I do this, come back on J-Day. 

For me, the second fear is the lurking killer of my motivation. Because the fact is, no one can assure me that I'm not looking at something from an idealistic perspective that will lead to disappointment when I see the real thing. Will it be worth it in the end? Really? 

I'm not sure about how it is for everyone else, but for me, the solution lies in trusting God and putting my faith in Him that He won't lead me astray. Because the whole reason why I'm even on this journey was because He pushed me to make changes. And He guided me to take on my dreams again. 

So when either of my fears hit me, I take it to my Father and talk to Him about it. He might not make it go away, but He will give me the strength I need to move through the fear and continue the journey. 

What fears hit you when you think about chasing your dreams? How do you deal with them? 

A to Z Challenge: Dedication

Picture by Iker Ender

I found that the moment I decided going after my dreams, I got this intense desire to be there. To be done. To be living the life I want. To be successful at it.

But that's not how it is. Taking full charge of your life and living your dreams is a journey. One that will go on forever. And not only that, it's damnably hard.

Makes sense. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.

Still, there's nothing more joy inspiring than knowing that you're actively working towards something you've dreamed of your whole life.

Be warned, though, it takes more than passion and love to stick out the challenge (although the two of them make it easier).

It takes dedication.

Yesterday I mentioned how my first step on my journey to my dreams was battled all the way. I also mentioned that there are people vested in making sure you give up.

I call them dream-eaters. They take many shapes and sizes, and can come at you from everywhere. But the sad thing is, they usually come in the form of people you'd expect support from. Family. Friends. Colleagues.  Basically anyone who know you very well and should know what your heart is beating for.

Of course, there are people we only talked to for five minutes as well, but they're easy to dismiss.

Family... not so much.

The worst is that most of them think they're destroying our dreams out of love. Have you ever heard: "I'm only saying this to protect you." or "You know, that is nearly an impossible place to get into. Maybe you should try something similar, but different." or "You know... one day, real life will catch up and you'll find yourself making the same decision I did."

If you take a close look at those statements, you'll pick up something that seriously makes it easier to keep going without them. (Because yes... until your efforts starts bearing fruits, you will need to.)

Nothing they're saying reflects on your abilities or talents. Those words are self-justification. They're thinking about what they would have liked to have done and reminding themselves of why they didn't.

It has nothing to do with you. Listen closely, though, because a lot of them will actually have some good bits of advice that you can use on your journey. Just don't let their words stop you.

There might be a point where you want to stop. But let it be on YOUR terms. Not theirs.

Have you ever had a big dream, only to be disheartened when a loved one shot it down? Have you been a dream-eater recently without realizing it?

A to Z Challenge: Courage

After I took out my old dreams and took a closer inspection, I did some bold thinking and made some decisions regarding what I wanted from my life.

That's something that a lot of people who read self-help books do. They look at their lives. Think big. Take aim.

And stare at their goal through their telescopic lenses. Why aren't they taking the shot?

Courage.

From what I've read, most self-help books make it seem laughably easy to go after what you really want in your life.

That's a lie. It's hard. Really really hard. And if you ask me, the hardest part about it is starting. Because most of us start from a status quo. Our dreams were probably set (or thrust) aside in order to attain that status. So when the status quo becomes unsatisfying and we have to change something, it becomes like a barrier.

Because face it. The status quo is the status quo because it was the path of least resistance.

Trust me when I say that my first steps to taking charge of my life were full of battles. Big ones and small ones. Parents fighting my decision (still do) because they paid for my tuition (even if basically insisting that I did something I didn't want to do), friends who thought I was insane (some still I do) for daring to decide that I'd go for a lower income and be happy than knowing that I had about fifteen years of mediocrity left before I blew my brains out in my Ferrari (not in a good way). People who settled into the status quo and who resent that I refuse to do the same.

And on... and on. But more on that tomorrow.

Point is... getting going takes courage. Lots and lots of it. Because many people have vested interests in keeping you from taking that first step. But there is hope for us.

See... one step leads to another. And another. And another.

And while that does not make the challenges go away, it makes dealing with them habitual.

All it takes is that first step. Or better yet: JUMP!

Photo by mdpai75

Is there something that you've been dreaming to do or years but haven't because starting was too hard?

Another difficult question.

Sorry about missing Monday's post yet again. I thought I'd put one up after I came back from my choir practice. *snort* Yeah. Right. I dragged my exhausted body straight to bed and slept for ten hours before I remembered my good intentions.

But... before I have another three hours lost because I overestimated my energy levels, I shall ask another thorny question.

When does one move on?

I'm not talking about death or break-ups. I'm talking about life in general.

If there's one word that sums up how I've lived my life thus far, nomadic would be it. I went to five primary schools. Three high schools. We've moved house about fifteen times. And if I've spent more than two years in one place, I'd burn.

My skin would start crawling and I would feel the air being choked out of me. And for some reason, we've always managed to move just as the situation got to be at its worst.

I never looked back. Still don't.

Then came University. I changed courses half-way through my second year, so instead of three, I spent four years in the campus town. By the third term of year three, I wanted out. OK, it was more than just my nomadic tendencies talking, but they certainly did make themselves heard. I even signed up for combat duty in the navy in a desperate attempt to escape. Got reaaaaally close to getting accepted, but then someone lost my medical exam and I was asked to reapply the following year.

I did. And some racist recruitment officers "lost" my application. So I applied to go air stewardessing. No go. Despite the fact that I was fit, and spoke four languages. Hmm.

At some point, God and I had some heart to hearts and He made me realize that I couldn't run away every time something got difficult. Especially when those challenges are to teach me how to become who I'm supposed to be.

So I stuck out my degree. And I got more involved in my local church than I've ever been.

And I dove into following my dream.

And for a long time everything went well.

Except... now it isn't. I'm not happy. Although I love singing and praising God and doing His work, something's not right. Not because something is being a challenge, but rather because it isn't.

Things are stalling.

My services are offered and promptly disregarded or underutilized. I make sacrifices and only get aggravation back - except I hardly care any more. A year's worth of Fridays seem to have gone wasted. As did my emotional involvement.

Fact is, I'm working harder to keep my emotional bond to my church and community than I am to form relationships.

And now I'm starting to wonder. Is God, after a year of telling me to stay put, telling me it's time to go? Or is He going to push me a little further? Because I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm alone. And feeling lost. And feeling a painter without brushes and paint.

Do I sit still and wait? Or do I go back to my old roaming ways? Because one thing can be said: My faith was a lot stronger when I wasn't committed to a single church. I learnt a lot more. Because I could go to places that were the right depth for me.

Now I'm a fish floundering on drying sand.

Got Advice?

Oh my word I've been bad about blogging here. I feel positively terrible about it. I just completely forgot.

So here I am on a Tuesday.

Which is interesting, because that's when my church choir practice takes place. And it's something I've been thinking needs some other view points.

See. I actually quit this choir last year. Because there was only so much nonsense that I could handle and still tolerate the amount of time required to do that. It's only one hour a week, but it's one hour I could use for something else.

The reason why I'm going back, is that everyone insisted that if I stayed away, the people that made the choir a miserable experience would continue. Also, I was assured that things would change this year and, since I used to enjoy singing for my church, I thought it might be a good idea to give it another chance. I even sacrificed time with my small group in order to go back.

And... I don't know if that was the right decision. The damage was done. I'm not the same as I was then. I can't just be naturally friendly to them. I can be friendly, but it's not sincere. Because although most of them didn't so anything to hurt me, they didn't do anything to protect me, which is something I would have done for them before.

Now I don't care. And since I don't care, should I even be there?

On my future and living in the present

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this.”
Henry David Thoreau

I love this quote. When I read it somewhere (can't remember where), I couldn't help but think that it's the perfect quote for me for this year. 

Because I worry. Really. Fear starts to creep into every aspect of my life because this year is the year that I have to back everything I've said with actions. 

Even though this is an exciting prospect, there's a part of me that's asking me one big question: What if I fail? 

What if I query my book and can't find a single agent that likes it?

What if no one wants to give me a chance to perform. 

On and on and on. 

My fear of failure is almost enough to keep my right where I am. Thinking about the future and wishing for opportunities, but too afraid to go looking for them. 

But Mr. Thoreau's quote helped me to realize that there's an aspect to living in the present beyond getting over worry and letting go of your past. 

Living in the present is about deciding what you want to do in the future and actively going after it with everything you have. It's about finding a dream that's so important to you that there isn't a single setback that will make you stop going after it. 

It's about challenging yourself to live the life you want, knowing that one day, you will be old and have to look back on your life. What do you want to say? That you got by with what you had? Or that you lived your life to the fullest and used what you had to achieve more than others expected you to? More than you even expected of yourself? 

So that's what I'm going to do this year. I'm going to launch myself on every wave and find my future in everything I do right now. Because I'm going to learn everything I can in this life before I go to the next one. 

What about you? Are you preparing to launch yourself against something you fear? 

Sometimes I wonder...

I sometimes wonder what it will be like to actually be doing what I dream of doing.

Can you imagine? Years and years of angst finally over, with me doing what I've always dreamed. Will it be everything I hoped it to be? Will it be better? 

I really hope so. 

After all, I already nearly destroyed myself when I went after other people's dreams for me. Now I'm doing things that will hopefully help to make my dreams come true. I pray every day that that will be enough. Still, if it isn't, I'll have to do more with God's, because I have dreams that have to come true. 

But sometimes, I get a bit jittery. 

What if I just miss it? Will I be stuck in limbo all my life? 

Or worse. What if, after everything I've done, I make it and... it's not what I really love. What if my focus is too narrow, and I missed something I really loved?

And then I snap out of it. Because I realize two things: 

1) No matter what, going after my dreams is a much better life than trying to build dreams on other people's expectations. 

2) I've been using the broad focus for years in an attempt to find what please others and me. I found plenty of stuff. But the only things I truly have a burning and constant passion for are the things that I'm focusing on now. All those other things served only to distract and hurt me. 

And knowing that, I find my doubts fade quickly. Because then I know that no matter what, my life is good and I'm once again living through that phase where everything is possible. 

Do you sometimes doubt? What do you do?