The A to Z of Things I Learned Last Year: Trust

It's back. For those of you wondering what the heck this is: I didn't finish the A to Z Challenge back in April, but I thought that the series would be of some use to me and people reading them, so I've been courageously working my way through the alphabet.

I hit a bit of a snag when I had to publish two books, but now I'm back, which means we get to pick up where we left off. 

The theme is about the things I've learned in some very rough times in 2014 and part of 2015. Today's post will definitely be touching on God and Christianity, so if it isn't your cup of tea, please feel free to not read on. 

Maybe you'd like to see the new painting I'm working on? (It's a sketch, so squint your eyes and imagine awesomeness, please.) If so, all you need to do is click here. 

*Waits for those who want to leave to leave.*

Those of you who quickly snuck out to see the sketch might have seen this picture in the same post. I hung it on my bed because it looks pretty there, but there's a bit more to the story.

See I made this necklace, and the whole time I was working on it, I was talking to God about the state of my life at the time. I was in my third year of university and... well things were going badly. I didn't have a name for it at the time, but eventually I'd learn the name and it works. 

At the time I was making this necklace, I was smack bang in the middle of an existential crisis. You can see it unfolding in my first years of blogging, but I'm not going to go into too much detail here. Short version is that I no longer knew who I was, because the things I'd been taught to believe myself to be were all lies.

It's not a feeling I can easily describe, but I guess the best way to put it is to say that I was present, but internally there was nothing left. Terrifying. And not something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I turned to art at the time, which is what actually drove me to finish the books I published this year. Part of that was making this necklace. 

As I worked on it, God spoke to me and gave me a beautiful message: "I will always be here."

It was wonderful to hear. It didn't matter who I was. He'd be there for me anyway. It didn't matter what I was going through. He'd be there to either make it better or help me through it.

But to be aware of this, I needed to trust Him. To trust that He'd never desert me, that He'd help and guide me if I let Him.

I find, though, that I forget. No, I don't forget the great things He's done for me in the past. Or the fact that He gave me (and all of his children) this promise. No, I forget to make the choice to trust Him. Because yes, it is a choice. It's a centering of our thoughts on Him and His deep, unending love when so much is going on to distract us from it.

This little stone cross and its few stone beads are a visual reminder of this. So now it's hanging on my bed. That way, I remember to trust when I go to sleep and to trust as soon as I wake up. 

I just want to close this post with a quick prayer.

God, thank You that You're always there,

That You continue to love us no matter what we do,

Or what is done to us. 

Thank You that in the hardest times, You're still there to guide us through, 

And that You're there to celebrate with us when things take a turn for the better. 

I pray, Lord, that You bless us all, 

And that You make yourself felt, seen or heard by everyone who know that You're supposed to be there,

But who just can't be sure. 

I ask that You remind those of us who forget to trust in Your promise. 

I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son. 

Amen.

A to Z Challenge: Credo

Just a heads-up: This is a VERY Christian Faith Related Post, so if you don't want to read on, please feel free to skip over to my writing blog. 

Today is Easter Friday, which in the Christian faith is arguably the most important day in our religious calendar. Shared only with Easter Sunday. Today, we remember that Jesus Christ died for our sins so we might be saved. On Sunday, we celebrate His resurrection. To me, it's actually a very nice thought that C corresponds with today, because it's just a nice reminder of Christ's sacrifice for us.

Linking this to my theme of Things I've Learned from 2014, we come to the Credo. Credo is actually Latin and can literally be translated into I believe. 

And I do. 

Oh boy I do. 

One would think that the hard times would have shaken my faith. It could have. If it had depended on me alone, I probably wouldn't have been able to withstand all the tests my faith has gone through. 

It's hugely fortunate, then, that I had some supernatural help. As in the Holy Spirit. When I was tired and hopeless, He strengthened me. When hope was so far lost that I didn't know how to pray, the Holy Spirit prayed for me. 

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. 

(Romans 8:26-27)

So needless to say, then, that one of the things I'm most grateful for is that God was there, and He helped me and my family. And through His involvement my faith has been strengthened. 

Because it's Easter and because it's a good reminder of what it is that I believe, I'm posting the Credo here. (I picked this particular version because it's the closest one to what I use in my church. The one I actually use being in Afrikaans.) 

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,

creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord,

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the Virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died, and was buried;

He descended into hell.

On the third day He rose again;

He ascended into heaven,

He is seated at the right hand of the Father,

and He will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy Christian Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life everlasting. 

Amen.

Have a blessed Easter. 

A to Z Challenge: Blessings

As I mentioned yesterday, 2014 was one of those years I'll happily never want to repeat again. It's now April, and my family and I are still dealing with ramifications of what had happened. So, in an effort to come to terms with everything, I'm writing about things I've learned in this period. This way, I at least have something positive to take away from all my experiences.

Just so you know, this post will have a Christian theme to it, so if you'd rather read something religion free, I have a blog about writing here. 

Let me tell you a simple truth. Watching your whole life sink down a drain without you being able to do anything about it is enough to drive one mad.

Again, I'm left struggling for words. I don't think I can make someone understand what the few months between December and March of this year was like. And that says a lot. I'm a writer. I should be able to make people understand anything.

The year 2014 was the worst year of my life so far, and December to March was when the full impact of everything that had happened hit at the same time. If you've read my pre-2014 posts on this blog, you'll know I'm a go-getter. So the worst of this period is this sense I had. That a damn wall had burst somewhere and flooded my life with so much negativity that I had no power to do anything but to let myself be washed along by the torrent.

This feeling, to say the least, is terrifying.

The powerlessness about it is worse.

Especially when you see your loved ones in the middle of the disaster right there with you.

A few blessings were all that stood between me and despair:

God staying with me and being with me. Even when I screamed at Him in anger and pain. 

Knowing (probably because of God's help) that no matter what had happened, none of it was a physical. Neither me, nor any members of my family, nor our employees or even our pets were seriously ill or passed away during this bleak period between December and March. My losses, although having an impact on my belief in humanity, never truly impacted my person or those of my loved ones.  

Knowing (definitely with God's help) that Romans 8:28 is true: 

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (More on this on U-Day)

As long as long as I kept those blessings in front of me, the events swirling around me weren't insurmountable. Because no matter how big those things are, my God is bigger, and I have Him on my side. 

Have you counted your blessings lately? 

An Update and Shoes

Wow. I can't believe two months have passed since last posting. I definitely didn't think it'd be so long before returning to this blog.

Still, some pretty huge things have happened in my life, which has mostly been taking up my time. But before I get to that, I want to thank everyone who shared about my prayer request.

Right now, there's not really news on that front. We're now sitting tight and waiting until April 2015, during which parliament will decide whether or not they're going to pass the law granting 50% ownership to people who haven't paid for it.

So please, do continue praying for this, for the farm, for my family... Please don't stop praying.

Now, on to the good news:

About two weeks after my previous post, my mom/business partner signed the sole distribution for these shoes and others like them:



Since then, we've been on a roller coaster ride like none other because it seems like every second lady who sees the pictures wants to buy a pair. Or five.

This is amazing, of course. A complete blessing that fell out of the sky when I had started to think that all hope was lost. I thank God for this, because I truly don't think things would have gone this well without His help.

Without a doubt, this is a gift straight from His hands. It came completely unexpectedly, without us even really looking at shoes before the day my mom paid attention to them.

So yeah, if you think hope is lost, just keep praying. I'm pretty sure God has a solution around the corner just when you think there's nowhere left to go.

How are you doing? Anything you need prayers for?

Not my will, but Yours.

Please Note: Today's post is about God and being a Christian, so for those of you who aren't interested in reading, please feel free to check out my writer's blog instead. 

Lately, I've been noticing something about the people coming to this blog to read posts. Almost none of them comment, so I only hope that the post I'd written fulfills their needs.

You see, the number 1 search topic bringing people to my blog is this: "Not my will, but yours." I know it goes to one of my posts from early from when this blog was still young. Sadly, I can't seem to find it, but I decided to write this anyway.

Because this is something I know people struggle with. Heck, I spent about half my life as a Christian (which is about eight years short of my whole life) struggling with it.

There's you. And stuff you want to do. And things you worry about.

And then there's God. Who sometimes lets things happen that we don't want to see happening.

So we (being delusional) have this tendency to think that we can do better at making sure our lives go well.

We believe in God. We're pretty sure He loves us, but we have this sneaking suspicion that if we let Him, He'll do a Jonah with us and force us to do stuff we absolutely refuse to do.

And since we're not all that thrilled at being swallowed by whales and prophesying (because that means standing up in front of people you don't know and who might ridicule you), we cling to the steering wheel in our lives with all we're worth.

Or maybe, something bad happened to you and you don't want to get hurt again.

Everyone has his or her reason to want to follow their will and not God's. All of them seem to be some form of self-preservation.

But letting God lead us is the best form of protection we have:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

He’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

Run to God! Run from evil!

Your body will glow with health,

your very bones will vibrate with life!

Honor God with everything you own;

give Him the first and the best.

Your barns will burst,

your wine vats will brim over.

But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;

don’t sulk under his loving correction.

It’s the child he loves that God corrects;

a father’s delight is behind all this.

Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)

The bits I made bigger are promises.They don't say He might keep us on track. Or that He'll think about blessing you sometime. It says that if we let God take the lead in our lives, He'll never lead us in the wrong direction. We'll never be brought to face something that we aren't prepared for.

It also doesn't mean that we won't lose loved ones, or that we'll grow rich.

But it does mean that if we follow God's will, and are willing to be a blessing to people He guides you to bless, He will bestow blessing upon blessing on you. The more you do, the more He gives with which you can do things.

Best. Rewards Plan. EVER.

So in the smallest thing, in the biggest thing, in that thing that's been niggling you but that you think is too silly to ask Him about. EVERYTHING. Talk to Him. Refuse to make a decision until you're certain that it's what God wants. (And believe me, it's usually not a long time to wait.) Always be willing to embrace challenges. He won't ever lead you astray, even if you have to go through some troubling times first. Even if you disagree with the decision. Because if nothing else, He knows what's going on much better than you do.

I wish I could give you an easy way to do this, but I can't. It's a choice you make. Every single time something comes up. Only you can do it.

And I pray God blesses the socks of you if you do! 

A confession

I went to a new church today after a almost a year of taking a break from the church I’d belonged to. The break had been necessitated by my becoming involved with said church’s activities. I had joined up with the youth and music ministries in good faith, thinking that I could really help and make a difference, but ended up three years later, angry and embittered because of being ignored despite the fact that the current methods being employed helped absolutely no one.

The experiences brought along by my involvement exhausted me emotionally and spiritually to the point where I withdrew from church entirely. I didn’t feel like being friendly and civil to anyone in church. I didn’t feel like doing anything for anyone, since no one there appreciated it anyway. No. Correction. No one even wanted me to do it.

So I shook the proverbial dust from my ankles and walked away.

But the damage had been done. Because although I didn’t know at the time, the experience did much more than just tire me out. It planted a seed of bitterness. Or maybe poured water and fertilizer onto it so that the bitterness could once again take root in my life and infect every aspect of it. The big thing is, though, that I'd allowed this to happen. In fact, I didn't even see it happen. 

The only reason why I do now is that I went to the new church and spoke to the pastor there. He told me that once there’s bitterness in my heart, it’ll deliver fruit according to the tree that’s there. So anger, resentment, impatience, frustration with my life and so on will all be there. They’re bringing my life to a standstill. Which actually makes things even worse. Because nothing adds to my frustration, impatience etc like not moving forward in my life.

It stops now. I’m going to address this bitterness with prayer. I’ve forgiven the people who’ve embittered me, but I know I’ll need to do it again and again and again. For as long and as often as it needs to be done until this anger and resentment I have is rooted out of my heart and get replaced by something healing.

I know it won’t be easy, because it’s been a fall back position to me for so long. But I have to start. And by the grace of God, I know I’ll succeed with His help. 

Do you have bitterness rooted in your heart? Do you want to get rid of it?

A Week of Prayer

Hi all!

Today, I have something weighing on my heart. Still, I'm a little scared, since I'm worried that this will fall flat.

Still, I believe that God puts things in my heart when He wants me to do them, so I'm taking a leap of faith.

I'm making this week a Week of Prayer, and I invite you to join.

Today, I want you to look at your life and decide what you need a prayer for. This can be anything, one thing or ten. From needing a blessing, to your children, to you going through a tough time.

Then, from today to Wednesday, I'll have a linky list open. Write a post about what you need prayers for and link directly to that post. That way, it'll be easy for your prayer-buddy to find your prayer needs.

After midnight GMT on Thursday, go to the link left by the person directly above you. If you're number 1, go to the last name on the list. That person is your prayer buddy for the week.

Pray for your buddy until Friday. Someone else should be praying for you too.

Finally, on Friday, I'd like to read about your experiences. Was there some sort of break-through on those things you needed prayers for? How did you feel, praying for someone else? Any other things you learnt this week?

That's pretty much it. Simple in theory, but who knows. Maybe this will make quite a big difference to quite a few lives. Now I leave it to you, if you want to join.

In which revenge could be sweet, but poisonous.

Sometimes, being a better person is such a lot of work.

Take me, for example. There's this person I'm having to deal with on a monthly basis. Who's for all intents and purposes abusing the credit laws in order to commit extortion and blackmail against me and my mother.

I know this. I'm pretty sure he knows it too, because when I pointed it out, he threatened me again.

Thing is... there's nothing I can do about it except wait. And even then, God keeps telling me to let it go.

Which is hard. Really hard. This guy is threatening things I worked really hard to achieve and I know that getting my own back against him is well within my means. All I have to do is to wait until the loan he's threatening me about is paid in full.

Once that's done, he's lunch meat for me. Because he did the threatening in written form.

But God says... no.

Honestly, this is pretty hard to swallow. I mean, what he's doing is wrong. Very wrong. It's only fair that he gets what's coming to him.

But... the answer stays no.

At which point I just want to rage and go nuts, because this guy is practically begging to be disbarred.

But then God said something, which I'm pretty sure is a saying I know, but forgot:

Those who always chase others, never stand still themselves. 

Then I remembered the bible story (1 Samuel 25) where David wanted to kill someone for slighting him, but this man's wife, Abigail, rode out to meet him and begged him not to kill her husband. Abigail asked David to let God do justice and not him.

David agreed.

And God did.

The best thing is, David didn't end up with blood on his hands, doing something that displeased his Lord. The man who's insulted him was taken by God.

And that's the thing that gave me hold. Like David's army, my taking action against man wouldn't only affect him. It would affect those close to him. Those he probably has to provide for. In a sense, I'd have their blood on their hands.

And although I feel really annoyed to let the bad person win, I know I have to spare the innocent people around him who I would have hurt if I didn't.

Besides, it's incredibly foolish of me to want to take matters into my own hands because I'm afraid I might not like how God handles the situation. In fact, it's... sinfully proud of me.

So I beg His forgiveness and give over this matter to Him in it's entirety. Only God, in His infinite wisdom, will know how to deal with this man in a way that's just and pleasing to Him at the same time.

Have you ever wanted so bad to get your own back against someone who hurt you, but ended up turning the other cheek and handed the matter over to God? How did you come to the decision to do so? And how did you feel afterwards?

Me? Although I'm still annoyed with that guy, I actually feel at complete peace with my decision. And I know that now, the wound he inflicted will heal and I'll one day get to forget about it and him. A much better solution than having it fester for the rest of my life.

Why my faith choked out.

This post is long overdue, but every time I picked a date for it, I was unable to post on that day. So here it is.

As I mentioned before, I had been struggling to keep my faith alive for months until recently and it took a revival in my spiritual life for me to figure out why.

And the reason is frighteningly simple.

James 2:26 (King James Version): "For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also."

So... yes... works is necessary. Not to get into heaven, but simply to keep your faith alive and thriving.

Does that mean that I could have saved my faith months ago by giving money to beggars in the street? ... Not necessarily. Because I haven't been called to give money to beggars in the streets.

I've been called to help the kids in my church's youth. To help the "newly" converted find their feet. To use my voice to praise Him.

In the past year, I for all intents and purposes was blocked in every way I tried to do the two former works I'd been called to do. And the latter... well, made me feel hollow. Because it's a bit hard to focus on praising when there's always someone trying to pull me down whenever I refuse to conform to their standards.

So yeah... I spent a year basically unable to do what I was meant to do and that knocked my faith down. Badly.

That changed a few weeks ago when a new youth pastor arrived. Although I'm sensing resistance yet again, I now see it coming, so I'm going to fight it with everything I have. And if that fails, I'll go around. But what I won't do is lay back down, because it's so not worth the aggravation caused by choking faith.

The fact is, my faith coming alive changed my life again, because I got the opportunity to serve under one of the three choir women most intent on bringing me down, and because I did it in a nice way, a peace seems to have been declared. So now I'm actually enjoying the choir again.

And I joined the Youth Band.

And I'm more actively involved in helping the youth.

My faith is thriving.

Does your faith have purpose? When you're young in the faith, your purpose is to learn as much as you can. After that, you'll probably discovered what you've been called to do.     Is something keeping you from doing it? Are you/your doubts holding you back? Is there something you can do about it? Pray? Change your outlook? Move through your doubt?

I hope this gives you some help and answers, and if you want/need some prayers, please feel free to let me know.

Have a blessed weekend!

Mayday mayday

Disclaimer: This is going to be a post about my Christian faith, so if you want to read on, feel free, but if you don't it might be better to head over to my Writing Blog. Thanks for understanding! X

Okay... so I haven't done a real faith related post in some time (April). Which sort of sucks, because it was one of the reasons why I started TCoML. I wanted to have a place to talk about aspects to my journey with God, hopefully with people who could understand, help and even challenge me.

But today, I'm going to tell you why. I'm going to confess something that you might have picked up from some of my posts, but that I've been avoiding in my writing.

You see... I've been struggling with my faith stalling since... well... November last year. I'm not talking about losing my faith in God, which is why I still intermittently did do faith-related posts. No, what I'm talking about is actually more my relationship with Him. At first, I'd thought it was because of my economics test failure, but it wasn't, because I still prayed to Him for guidance during the exam and He helped me do amazingly well. And I still prayed during church. And I still made time for Him for some quality time. I went on working with my church's youth, despite suffering some grave reservations with regards to how it had been handled.

And I guess it's enough for a lot of people. But coming from a place where I was in constant conversation with God, I wasn't a happy camper. Why? Because I'd go to God... and find myself unable to find a single thing to say. And then, He'd be quiet. There, but He'd be quiet. Sometimes He'd ask me to spend more time and tell me He wanted me to do things, and I'd try.

But the urgency was gone. I constantly fought my lethargy until about May this year and then just said to God: "Lord... I can't do this. I want to be near you. I want things to be as they had been, but the last flickers of my faith are being choked and I don't know what's doing it. Help me."

I got the most surprising answer back: "Stop trying. Keep the channels open. I'll be in touch."

And that was that. No pressure. No "do this, do that or else". Just... stop trying. Keep the channels open. I'll be in touch.

Huh? Oh...kay... So I did the one thing most churches I've been to say NEVER to do. I stopped. Not believing, not loving God. But everything else. Basically I took the stalling airplane that was my faith and turned off the engines. No reading the Bible. No prayer time. No smallgroups. No nothing except that I kept going to church because I still had obligations to the youth.

What I did do, though, is kept the channels open. No matter what I did, I kept the channels open. If God wanted to say ANYTHING to me, I was ready to receive it.

But June passed. July passed. And almost three weeks of August passed.

Nothing. There were some moments where we talked, but nothing like what it had been. But He was there. Constantly. His presence constantly pressed against my thoughts. It was a great comfort.

And then, the youth leader left and was replaced. And my brother, cousin, a friend and me decided we'd start a smallgroup for people our age.

There was a flicker of life. And then the engines started turning on their own. That's where they are now. Starting and stuttering, but definitely getting to work. And the best thing is that He's still here with me. The difference being that I'm getting murmurings now. AND I'm praying in instants. Even if it's just to say: wow God, you're so wonderful! And since last Wednesday, these prayers have become more and more frequent.

Needless to say I'm really excited. Because my spirit is coming alive again and I can see it going through the rest of my life as well.

The best thing is that I figured out what stalled my faith in the first place. But that's a post for another day.

Sunday, perhaps?

Have you ever been to a point where it felt as if your faith was being choked out, but you couldn't stop it because you didn't know why? What did you do?

Pentecost

Credit

Today is the first day of Pentecost, or the commemoration of the days after Jesus's ascension when the Holy Spirit was sent down as a guide for God's children.

It's really a wonderful gift, I think. A huge privilege to have the Spirit of God residing in us and guiding us in our lives.

For me it has special meaning, since when God is guiding me in taking charge of my life, it's usually the Holy Spirit doing the talking. So yeah. Pentecost is truly special to me.

Pentecost is a time of being more aware of God's working in our lives so if you're a believer, whenever you have a bit of time, take some time to focus on Him and what He has to say.

That's what I'm concentrating on this week.

Does your church have Pentecost services all week long? Will you be going? Are you doing something special for Pentecost?

Prayer

So as I mentioned a few Sunday's ago, I took part in a 21 day prayer challenge and it really did help me with my life, although probably not in the way that the guy on the DVD that my church is watching thought.

Anyway.

It also really got me thinking about prayer a lot. Which I guess is good, because there's a tiny gap between thinking about prayer and praying. For me at least, anyway.

See, most of the people in the church that I go to think about prayer differently to me, I think. And none of us are wrong.

Credit

It's just that their way of praying doesn't... really... uhm... work for me. Sorry, it's just that I don't really know how to put this in words.

The way I understand their prayer experience, they take a time, close their eyes and pray. According to a recipe. First, thank God. Then praise Him and His glory. Then ask Him for things we need. Then remember to ask in Jesus's name because we alone aren't deserving. Amen.

And like I said, there's nothing wrong with that sort of prayer. I also pray like that. There are times when prayers like the above are needed. Like I need to pray for an audience.

But the thing is... If I pray like that, I forget more than I remember. Have you ever tried to write up a prayer list for things and people to pray for? I have. And the list grows and grows and grows to a size that I can't handle.

That's not the real issue for me, though. My real issue is this: If that's the only way I pray, where am I giving God space to talk to me. That's not a conversation. It's a monologue. And to me, it's MUCH more important to hear what God wants to tell me than for me to tell Him things.

So yeah. When I'm not praying in public, I'm... pretty much praying all day. Even when there's a lull, I'm always aware of the fact that God might want to say something any moment now. And if something jumps out at me, I'll just... say it to God. Like: "Wow Father, you made a wonderful sunrise this morning." Or the like. And when I see something that needs a prayer, I take it to God. So yeah, when I say in comments that I'm praying for you, I in fact already sent up my first prayer. And I'll keep sending up prayers every time I think of you.

I guess some people might think that I'm way too informal in my relationship with God, but it works for me. When I'm not praying like that, I lose touch with Him, and that's something I never want.

So how do you think about prayer? Anything you want me to pray for you about?

A to Z Challenge: Zero Excuses

Whoooooo! I finally made the last post. ^_^

Thank you to all of you who read my post. I hope you enjoyed my challenge offerings.

Today's post is a bit of a kick-start, I hope.

See, I was once in a place where I was pretty much miserable, but living with the misery. Because while I hated where I was, it was familiar. And familiar was comfortable.

I made every excuse I could to stay in my comfort zone. "It's my own fault I'm so miserable", "Give it a few years and I'll do what I want", "but there are so many perks to this", "I'll never get a chance like this again", "I have no resources to change my situation" and on and on and on.

The thing is, excuses never make me feel less miserable. They just sort of give me a reason not to move. And that's so dangerous. Why?

Because these are answers and counter-questions that I discovered when I seriously considered taking charge of my life:

Credit

"It's my own fault I'm so miserable" => "Yep. Because you're allowing myself to wallow in a situation you hate."
"Give it a few years and I'll do what I want" => "If you die today, what will you have shown for your time?"
"But there are so many perks to this" => "Yep, and you'll probably blow your brains out in one of them."
"I'll never get a chance like this again" => "Assuming the above doesn't happen, am you going to come to the end of your life, thinking: 'Was that it? Why did I waste so much time?'"
"I have no resources to change my situation" => "Crap. You're perfectly equipped to take charge of your life. You're just being lazy."

Did I ever mention that God pulls no punches when I honestly ask for answers?

Any way... He had an excellent point. And while some of the answers were really harsh, they really cut through years of nonsense that I told myself. Those answers changed my life.

So if you've read through my posts and still think that taking charge of your life isn't worth the effort, even when you feel discontented and miserable, I want to ask you to do a couple of things for me.

Firstly, please ask yourself: Why can't I just try taking charge of my life?
Then write down all of the reasons why and ask God to address those questions for you. Maybe He'll treat you with kid gloves, maybe He won't. But I promise you that it will change your life if you listen to Him.
After that... the choice is yours.

Let me know how it goes?

A to Z Challenge: Victors and Victims

Once there was a lady who came to us asking for help. Actually... she didn't want help.

She wanted a crutch. She wanted someone who sympathized with her issues and who'd carry her through her life. 

My mother, being of a certain type of a personality, insisted on seeing proof that the lady would help herself before she'd chip in, saying that she helps people who help themselves. 

Which is fair. I mean to a very large extent, my mother lets her own children fight their own battles. Yes, she'll support us and help us, but she'll push us to do something before just handing over cash or whatever else it is that she requires. 

So... when this lady came asking for a crutch, my mother offered support. She offered guidance. She offered to let this woman take charge of her life. 

But the woman laughed a little laugh and said: "But not everyone can be dynamic like you." 

At which point I jumped in with one word. Sadly, it isn't very nice, but it's the best description. "Bullshit." 

Here's why. People make this unfounded assumption that dynamism is something that you're born with. It's not. It's something you choose. But you can't say, today I'm going to be dynamic.

No. It's about going into your heart and looking at how you think and feel. If your automatic reaction is: "Oh woe is me... this happened, and then happened... and my dog died..." you're making yourself a victim of your life. I'm not saying that people don't have to face huge challenges in their lives. Really. I know that everyone does. But if you let your challenges become insurmountable in your eyes, you'll find yourself facing a challenge that will bulldoze you time and time again until you make it stop. Your life will own you. 

You won't own your life. 

So if you're on the way to the bottom, or already hit it, you might want to ask yourself some questions. What does this mean? Why are all these things so big for me? How can I deal with them in a way that builds me up? 

From own experience I can tell you that nothing strips to the core like hitting the rock bottom of your life. In that dark hole, I saw who I was. I saw what I wanted. I went through a hugely uncomfortable experience of living without a measure of success and who I was. For months. But man did I learn about dynamism. 

I came to a point where I said: I CAN'T let my life rule me like this. I HAVE to own my life. AND I'M STARTING TODAY. 

After that, my obstacles became stepping stones. Guide in my life, even. Issues about feeling meaningless had me volunteering to help with my church youth. Frustration with my life had me picking up writing again. And each new step brought all my problems into perspective. Even the big ones. 

My: "I'll never do this in my life's" became "How am I going to do this?" and later "What am I going to do first to make this possible?" 

In short, I started thinking like a winner. Like someone who wanted to own her life again. Like someone who WOULD own her life again, given time. 

And from there, moving forward became a natural thing, which made me dynamic. 

One last thing before I go, sometimes being dynamic does take help. But the right sort of help. So if you realize that you do need help, find it. But decide what you need before you do? Otherwise you'll end up frustrated. 

If you haven't gotten to the point of taking charge of your life, what is your insurmountable obstacle? Would you be able to take a period of time to take a look at it from a distance and from different angles? Would you? And once you realized the solution you need, would you choose to address the problem and become the owner of your life? 

A to Z Challenge: Stand Out

Credit

It's something that really fascinates and frustrates me at the same time. People seem to be ashamed of the gifts that God gave them.

Have you ever noticed how people can't take a sincere compliment? Do you notice it in yourself?

I know that modesty is fed to us from the moment we're born, but it's just nonsense. Where does it stand that we have to be mediocre to be good people. And where does it stand that we're supposed to pretend to be average?

We're not. No one is. Not unless we let it become a habit.

Maybe it's because there seems to be this hatred of arrogance. But isn't hypocritical modesty or worse, bad self esteem even more wrong?

There's nothing wrong with being confident in who you are and what you can do. As long as you give other people space to do what they can as well. If you're not hurting anyone, or breaking someone down in order to grow your ego, there's nothing wrong with believing yourself.

On the contrary, if you believe in yourself, other people will believe in you too. And then they'll be more willing to support you in your efforts. And they'll give you a chance at your dreams. Because if you use your talents and let people see you using them, odds are that you won't squander your opportunities either.

So be willing to stand out. And for heaven's sake, if someone says you look good today, say "thank you" and use that as a building block to your self-confidence.

Do you try to hide your talents from people? Do you hide behind modesty? Ever wonder why?

21 Days

This is not an A to Z Challenge post. :-) 

It is, however, a post about something in my life that is very important to me. Prayer. 

I believe that God wants to give us what we need. That much I know. Still, there's more to prayer than asking for things. It's about building a relationship with God. 

In other words, it's about talking AND listening. 

Still, I admit that I've come to struggle with prayer. Not out of lack of faith or lack of things to pray for. 

Instead, my problem is a lack of time. I'm literally waking up hours before the sun just so that I can both write and keep my family happy and work. At night, I write or edit some more, if there's not some activity that requires attention. 

This isn't an excuse I've been making. It's just the truth. But when I did the J-post, I started realizing that my priorities have gotten a bit out of order. GOD first. Then everything else. 

So my problem wasn't lack of time. It was with making time. 

Which is why the service I attended tonight really got me interested. It's called the 21 Day Challenge. The goal: making a date with God every day for twenty one days. So picking a time to devote to Him. And a place where I can give him my undivided attention. I know that my place will be outside, because I no longer have a room of my own or a place in my house where I can just be quiet. Then I need to pick something to pray about for 21 days. One thing. 

So I decided to start taking daily walks. Some of the best times I had with God was while I was in motion, so I'm hoping that it will be like that again. I'm thinking to devote thirty to sixty minutes after work, because my mornings and nights are crazy. And I decided to pray about God's promise for my life and future. 

I'm thinking once this challenge is done, I'll start another one and pray for something else. 

So starting tomorrow, I'll be taking walks with God. 

Will you like to join me in the challenge? Where will you go? What will you be praying for? 

A to Z Challenge: God

Hi all! Before I start with today's post, I would like to point out that, if you looked at today's heading and thought it would be dealing with faith, you're completely correct.

I would also like to state that while I love God, build my life around what He wants, and thinks it's a great idea that everyone else does as well, I have a deep respect for all people regardless of their beliefs. (Or disbelief, for that matter.)

Because of that, I ask that you please respect me and my faith in return. I don't mind answering questions about my faith as long as it is done in a respectful way. Personal attacks and insults will be deleted.

Photo by Irina Patrascu

Today's post was a little difficult for me to write, because I'm worried that a lot of people (people that I adore), will be insulted by it or think differently about me.

But the fact is, I can't pray to God on the one hand and then try to hide Him with the other. So here goes.

The reason why I am bringing up God as a topic in the A to Z's of taking charge of my life is because He is so vitally important to the process.

He is my compass.

He is my advisor.

He is my (sometimes sole) companion.

He is my source of strength.

Nothing that I do in the process of taking charge of my life works if I'm trying to do it without Him. With Him, on the other hand, things are so much easier.

See... God has a plan. Not just for me. But for everyone. I just have a role to play in it. And He really wants me to. I believe that that's why we get our dreams and our drives to achieve them. God gave them to us for a reason.

Still, there's a difference between us and God when it comes to our lives. We see what's in front of us. God sees the big picture. That's why it's so vital to go to God for the smallest things, because in the long run, everything means something in the road that is your life. He knows where we're supposed to go. And He's waiting for us to navigate us on our way. Because many blessings await us on the right way.

Many of us try to grab the steering wheel of our lives, because lets face it, feeling even a little out of control is really scary. But the risks are huge. One wrong turn and we can do incredible damage to ourselves.

It's just not worth it. Trust me. I know.

So if you are serious about taking charge of your life, take it to God first. After all. Your life belongs to Him first.

Do you take everything to God? Sometimes I struggle with it, because my problems sometimes feel so insignificant... Any stories on how He helped and/blessed you in your every day life?

A to Z Challenge: Fear

Photo by Sabrina Campagna

So... those of the lucky few who realized the need to take charge of our lives, know to keep going through all the challenges thrown at us from outside. All the naysayers and dream-eaters in the world can't stop us. 

And then a different beast altogether crosses our paths. 

Fear. 

It comes in many shapes and sizes, but usually it comes at us with its best buddy doubt and takes two forms: 

1) What if I don't make it? 

2) What if I make it, and it isn't what I wanted after all? 

Since taking full charge of ones life is a bit of a daunting task, the first fear is probably the most immediate and real of the two. 

Take me, for example. I have three big dreams. One is to become an author, one is to become a stage performer and the third is to own my own designer clothing line. 

Easy, right? No. One involves me writing and editing, which tends to take over my life. The other involves maintaining a look, which means I have to maintain a healthy lifestyle and being fit. Not easy when you're nailed to a computer. The third involves getting training that is surprisingly expensive. So for me, making all three happen is incredibly difficult. 

The solution to this to make plans that fit in for as much as possible. For example, losing weight and keeping it off: If I look good, I feel good. So not only will it be easier for people to cast me, but I'll be able to write more. And so on. For more details on how I do this, come back on J-Day. 

For me, the second fear is the lurking killer of my motivation. Because the fact is, no one can assure me that I'm not looking at something from an idealistic perspective that will lead to disappointment when I see the real thing. Will it be worth it in the end? Really? 

I'm not sure about how it is for everyone else, but for me, the solution lies in trusting God and putting my faith in Him that He won't lead me astray. Because the whole reason why I'm even on this journey was because He pushed me to make changes. And He guided me to take on my dreams again. 

So when either of my fears hit me, I take it to my Father and talk to Him about it. He might not make it go away, but He will give me the strength I need to move through the fear and continue the journey. 

What fears hit you when you think about chasing your dreams? How do you deal with them? 

A to Z Challenge: Be Bold

Photo by Bl4d3RuNr

So after realizing that I could only get myself out of the hole I'd dug myself into if I followed God's plan, I started praying for guidance. This time, I changed my way of thinking about my dreams.

See, before I'd thought they were just girlish fantasies, but after hitting rock bottom, I realized that those were the only passions that stayed with me my whole life.

I realized that I couldn't just hide my dreams and try to dismiss them. I needed them in order to live a life that I'm happy with.

And let's face it all of us wants to maximize our happiness.

It was time for me to decide on my dreams. What did I want? And what did God want for me to do?

Here's the thing though. One of my good friends had recently said something very true and very important:

If you think small, you're limiting the scope of God's grace. 

So I decided to think big and to be bold. Because God didn't ever intend for me to fade into the background. 

What about you? That dream that you have lurking in the back of your mind, if you open it without trying to put limits on it, what would it be? 

Answered

It's something that I've said so many times before, but wow, you guys are awesome.

I mean, I had some problems for months and within a day of putting a post about it up onto this blog. I got a variety of perspectives and some great suggestions. 

I did take the time to get in touch with my feelings and thoughts. I also settled down to listen to what God had to say. 

And with the help of a good friend and my family, I now know that I'm supposed to stay where I am until further notice. Also, that it isn't about the people making me unhappy. It's about the kids that I'm supposed to be there for. 

It's about doing what God needs me to do. 

So for the first time in months, I'm really starting to feel at a true peace again. Just hoping that it stays that way. 

Anyone else find that blogging buddies make for excellent advisers?