Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A to Z Challenge: Victors and Victims

Once there was a lady who came to us asking for help. Actually... she didn't want help.

She wanted a crutch. She wanted someone who sympathized with her issues and who'd carry her through her life. 

My mother, being of a certain type of a personality, insisted on seeing proof that the lady would help herself before she'd chip in, saying that she helps people who help themselves. 

Which is fair. I mean to a very large extent, my mother lets her own children fight their own battles. Yes, she'll support us and help us, but she'll push us to do something before just handing over cash or whatever else it is that she requires. 

So... when this lady came asking for a crutch, my mother offered support. She offered guidance. She offered to let this woman take charge of her life. 

But the woman laughed a little laugh and said: "But not everyone can be dynamic like you." 
At which point I jumped in with one word. Sadly, it isn't very nice, but it's the best description. "Bullshit." 

Here's why. People make this unfounded assumption that dynamism is something that you're born with. It's not. It's something you choose. But you can't say, today I'm going to be dynamic.

No. It's about going into your heart and looking at how you think and feel. If your automatic reaction is: "Oh woe is me... this happened, and then happened... and my dog died..." you're making yourself a victim of your life. I'm not saying that people don't have to face huge challenges in their lives. Really. I know that everyone does. But if you let your challenges become insurmountable in your eyes, you'll find yourself facing a challenge that will bulldoze you time and time again until you make it stop. Your life will own you. 

You won't own your life. 

So if you're on the way to the bottom, or already hit it, you might want to ask yourself some questions. What does this mean? Why are all these things so big for me? How can I deal with them in a way that builds me up? 

From own experience I can tell you that nothing strips to the core like hitting the rock bottom of your life. In that dark hole, I saw who I was. I saw what I wanted. I went through a hugely uncomfortable experience of living without a measure of success and who I was. For months. But man did I learn about dynamism. 

I came to a point where I said: I CAN'T let my life rule me like this. I HAVE to own my life. AND I'M STARTING TODAY. 

After that, my obstacles became stepping stones. Guide in my life, even. Issues about feeling meaningless had me volunteering to help with my church youth. Frustration with my life had me picking up writing again. And each new step brought all my problems into perspective. Even the big ones. 

My: "I'll never do this in my life's" became "How am I going to do this?" and later "What am I going to do first to make this possible?" 

In short, I started thinking like a winner. Like someone who wanted to own her life again. Like someone who WOULD own her life again, given time. 

And from there, moving forward became a natural thing, which made me dynamic. 

One last thing before I go, sometimes being dynamic does take help. But the right sort of help. So if you realize that you do need help, find it. But decide what you need before you do? Otherwise you'll end up frustrated. 

If you haven't gotten to the point of taking charge of your life, what is your insurmountable obstacle? Would you be able to take a period of time to take a look at it from a distance and from different angles? Would you? And once you realized the solution you need, would you choose to address the problem and become the owner of your life? 


Claudia Moser said...

Great post Misha, you will succeed I am sure!

Devin Bond said...

What you said is so true. If you let yourself think like a victim, you will BE a victim. And that gets you absolutely nothing in life except ulcers.

Everyone has to go through something in their life to get that little switch turned. And I'm for really really glad that you made it through and are the person you are today! :)

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Excellent Post for V Misha.


Susan Kane said...

Having looked up from the bottom of that dark pit, the light I saw didn't come from within me. I had to accept help, and then move myself forward. God was all that kept pushing and sometimes pulling me forward.