A few years ago, I hit rock bottom. I never used, never got drunk, never got addicted to anything, except to escaping. But when I hit the bottom, there was no escape. Things that usually gave me a few hours of comparative freedom felt like they were mere distractions.
In truth, they felt meaningless.
Sad thing is, this was a downward road that I had chosen. I thought, why would it be a bad idea to study for something that would make me a lot of money? After I retire at thirty-five, I'd do whatever I want. Except it was. It went against my personality, my passions, my interests. Everything. For eighteen months I paid for my test scores with little bits of my soul until I finally convinced my parents to let me switch.
|Photo by Reckless Dream Photography|
But they wouldn't let me pick my passion, because it was different from what people expect from a brain like mine. I can't even begin to describe how much I resented my mind by the time I was in my third year. Because it was my mind that had locked me into my downward death spin.
And then... I realized I couldn't go any further without my life being in danger. And it was the best thing that could happen to me, because for the first time in THREE YEARS, I had a really honest talk with God.
When I was supposed to pick the courses I wanted to take, I prayed he'd guide me in my choice between three, pushing the fourth and correct option far back to the back of my mind. At rock bottom, there's actually a lot of light. Stark stark light. It brings out everything, every choice I made. It put things into the right perspective.
There I sat, alone, picking up my old dreams and inspecting them. They were battered and hurt, but still salvageable.
"These are what I want for you, kiddo," God said.
And I clutched them to my heart ever since. Knowing that they were my goals, I finished my nightmare degree and I truly escaped that part of my life forever.
Do you sometimes feel as if you're alone, lost and in a dark place? Do you also have some battered dreams lurking in the dark places of your mind, waiting for a chance to be revived? Ever thought of positive ways to revive them?