A to Z of Things I Learned in 2014: Understanding

I've been trying to find a nice, upbeat everything-is-possible way of saying this, but I can't, so this post is short. (This post will be themed around Christianity, so feel free to not read on if you don't want to.)

Sometimes, things happen that we don't understand. Sometimes, those things change our lives. Sometimes they make our lives horrible. Sometimes they make us so happy and come so suddenly that we can't understand what the heck is going on.

Even if we see God in the equation, things are still so confusing. Is what I'm going through God's will? Really? If it is, why? 

Why? 
Why? 
Why? 

Our human characteristics make that we always want neat answers and to put everything, even our lives into a box. In doing so, we often want to submit God to the same treatment.

And it just doesn't work that way. God is infinite and all-knowing, and often the things He does defies our understanding. Even an explanation won't help, because our perspectives are so limited that even if He explained everything step by step, He'd lose us along the way.

So if we can't understand, what then?

Then we pray. Then we have faith. Then we trust. 

Goodness. It's so hard even to write. Because even now, things are going on in my life that I don't understand and can't control, and those three things aren't easy for me to do. Okay no praying is easy. The trust bit? Not so much.

Our faith falters and as I mentioned in last week's post, we often forget to trust. So it's a fortunate thing that God loves us anyway, and won't desert us. And no matter what, He'll give us a way to get through and/or over our difficulties.

But often the first step is to stop trying to understand and start having faith.

Are you struggling with anything at the moment? You don't have to specify what that thing is. Just let me know and I'll pray for you. In return, I hope you'll pray for me and my family too, because the spectre of 2014 just doesn't seem to want to stay dead and I'm so, so very tired of fighting its many forms.

The A to Z of Things I Learned Last Year: Trust

It's back. For those of you wondering what the heck this is: I didn't finish the A to Z Challenge back in April, but I thought that the series would be of some use to me and people reading them, so I've been courageously working my way through the alphabet.

I hit a bit of a snag when I had to publish two books, but now I'm back, which means we get to pick up where we left off. 

The theme is about the things I've learned in some very rough times in 2014 and part of 2015. Today's post will definitely be touching on God and Christianity, so if it isn't your cup of tea, please feel free to not read on. 

Maybe you'd like to see the new painting I'm working on? (It's a sketch, so squint your eyes and imagine awesomeness, please.) If so, all you need to do is click here. 

*Waits for those who want to leave to leave.*

Those of you who quickly snuck out to see the sketch might have seen this picture in the same post. I hung it on my bed because it looks pretty there, but there's a bit more to the story.

See I made this necklace, and the whole time I was working on it, I was talking to God about the state of my life at the time. I was in my third year of university and... well things were going badly. I didn't have a name for it at the time, but eventually I'd learn the name and it works. 

At the time I was making this necklace, I was smack bang in the middle of an existential crisis. You can see it unfolding in my first years of blogging, but I'm not going to go into too much detail here. Short version is that I no longer knew who I was, because the things I'd been taught to believe myself to be were all lies.

It's not a feeling I can easily describe, but I guess the best way to put it is to say that I was present, but internally there was nothing left. Terrifying. And not something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I turned to art at the time, which is what actually drove me to finish the books I published this year. Part of that was making this necklace. 

As I worked on it, God spoke to me and gave me a beautiful message: "I will always be here."

It was wonderful to hear. It didn't matter who I was. He'd be there for me anyway. It didn't matter what I was going through. He'd be there to either make it better or help me through it.

But to be aware of this, I needed to trust Him. To trust that He'd never desert me, that He'd help and guide me if I let Him.

I find, though, that I forget. No, I don't forget the great things He's done for me in the past. Or the fact that He gave me (and all of his children) this promise. No, I forget to make the choice to trust Him. Because yes, it is a choice. It's a centering of our thoughts on Him and His deep, unending love when so much is going on to distract us from it.

This little stone cross and its few stone beads are a visual reminder of this. So now it's hanging on my bed. That way, I remember to trust when I go to sleep and to trust as soon as I wake up. 

I just want to close this post with a quick prayer.

God, thank You that You're always there,

That You continue to love us no matter what we do,

Or what is done to us. 

Thank You that in the hardest times, You're still there to guide us through, 

And that You're there to celebrate with us when things take a turn for the better. 

I pray, Lord, that You bless us all, 

And that You make yourself felt, seen or heard by everyone who know that You're supposed to be there,

But who just can't be sure. 

I ask that You remind those of us who forget to trust in Your promise. 

I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son. 

Amen.

A to Z of Things I Learned in 2014: Reasons

Hi all. Just a heads up that my post will be dealing about my faith. So if you'd rather not read it, maybe you'd like to find out how my writing's going? 

If you are going to read on, I'm going to warn you that this subject is really tricky for me to write about, because I'm wrestling with my thoughts with it as I type. 

2014 and the first three months of 2015 were rough on me and my family. Without going into too much detail, I'm just going to say that those 15 months cost us a lot. And even today, we're having to deal with some of the results of things that happened in this time.

In April, I decided to start writing about the things I'd learned because I wanted something positive to come out of my time. So instead of focusing on all of the things that went wrong. 

Basically, what I'm doing is actively giving everything that's happened a reason. 

I know a lot of people say that "everything has a reason." In a sense, that's true and not quite true at the same time. 

Often, the simple reason behind something happening is really just that someone made a choice that has a terrible effect on other people's lives, unless the people who are affected in fact make a point to take something more from it somehow. 

Sorry. I'm finding this really hard to write today, because so much of today's post involves the way God works. And let's face it. We just don't know. I mean, I can reason that He wouldn't actively do things to hurt His children. But it could also be that sometimes He puts us through difficult times to make us better people. (I know a lot of people believe this.) 

I...think I fall somewhere in the middle of this. I think He does sometimes guide us into difficult places in life to teach us. Sometimes. There are some things that I just can't imagine Him doing, but then it could just be that my understanding is flawed. Most of the time, I just chalk it up as something I'll ask Him one day. 

The point is that regardless of the answer, that even if God wants us to learn from what happened, we won't unless we decide to learn. So if we want to believe that everything happens for a reason, it's up to us to make it true by finding that reason. 

Thoughts? 

Funny How God Works...

Please note that today's post will be faith-related, so if you don't want to read it, maybe you'd like to check out my other blog?

It's actually a strange thing, trusting God. For one thing, it's never all that easy. We're constantly struggling to hand over our worries, hopes and dreams. Often, because we're afraid that He won't do with them what we want done with them. 

Then, when we do finally realize that His will is so much better for us than our own, we start praying. And often, we start praying for something while keeping in mind how that thing will come about. 

Sometimes, things do happen the way we've envisaged. 

Other times... not so much. And I think that we often miss the fact that we've been blessed because we weren't blessed in the way we expected. 

This recently hit me. See, I've been wanting to self publish my books ever since I got the rights tot them back. Which means I've been wanting to self publish for over a year. The thing is, it's expensive and really hard to do in a way that's not expensive while still looking professional. 

On my other blog, I often talk about how self publishing makes more and more economic sense these days. However, I also know that self publishing is, at least for now, what God wants me to do. I can go into long explanations as to how I know, but let's just say that a lot of prayer has been going into this and it's the answer I kept getting all year. 

One problem: 

Money. 

As you might know, last year pretty much wiped the floor with my behind, and there simply wasn't money available for things like buying a cover or anything else related to publishing for myself. 

So I've been praying and praying and nothing really happens.

Or so I thought. Because although my financial position is improving thanks to my business picking up, there's so much that needs to be done with the money that I just can't comfortably spend it on luxuries. 

Then, at the beginning of this month, I got a surprise royalty payment from my former publishing house. One that I can easily call a windfall that I could spend on anything. Which automatically made me think of what I'd need to pay for to publish. 

Except... Once I thought about it, I realized that God had given me everything I needed for free. I've been blessed with amazing critique partners and an ability to edit without an editor. I then got a book with step by step instructions for formatting and cover design as a gift in return for a critique. And while following those instructions, I got the perfect images for the covers - that are in the creative commons. 

So even though I still didn't get a cent toward publishing my books, I'll still have a highly professional product without needing to actually pay for it.

And if it wasn't for a $22 royalty check that's still waiting to be used, I would never have noticed. 

What about you? Have you ever almost missed the opportunity God gave you because it didn't look like your expectations? 

A to Z Challenge: Blessings

As I mentioned yesterday, 2014 was one of those years I'll happily never want to repeat again. It's now April, and my family and I are still dealing with ramifications of what had happened. So, in an effort to come to terms with everything, I'm writing about things I've learned in this period. This way, I at least have something positive to take away from all my experiences.

Just so you know, this post will have a Christian theme to it, so if you'd rather read something religion free, I have a blog about writing here. 

Let me tell you a simple truth. Watching your whole life sink down a drain without you being able to do anything about it is enough to drive one mad.

Again, I'm left struggling for words. I don't think I can make someone understand what the few months between December and March of this year was like. And that says a lot. I'm a writer. I should be able to make people understand anything.

The year 2014 was the worst year of my life so far, and December to March was when the full impact of everything that had happened hit at the same time. If you've read my pre-2014 posts on this blog, you'll know I'm a go-getter. So the worst of this period is this sense I had. That a damn wall had burst somewhere and flooded my life with so much negativity that I had no power to do anything but to let myself be washed along by the torrent.

This feeling, to say the least, is terrifying.

The powerlessness about it is worse.

Especially when you see your loved ones in the middle of the disaster right there with you.

A few blessings were all that stood between me and despair:

God staying with me and being with me. Even when I screamed at Him in anger and pain. 

Knowing (probably because of God's help) that no matter what had happened, none of it was a physical. Neither me, nor any members of my family, nor our employees or even our pets were seriously ill or passed away during this bleak period between December and March. My losses, although having an impact on my belief in humanity, never truly impacted my person or those of my loved ones.  

Knowing (definitely with God's help) that Romans 8:28 is true: 

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (More on this on U-Day)

As long as long as I kept those blessings in front of me, the events swirling around me weren't insurmountable. Because no matter how big those things are, my God is bigger, and I have Him on my side. 

Have you counted your blessings lately? 

An Update and Shoes

Wow. I can't believe two months have passed since last posting. I definitely didn't think it'd be so long before returning to this blog.

Still, some pretty huge things have happened in my life, which has mostly been taking up my time. But before I get to that, I want to thank everyone who shared about my prayer request.

Right now, there's not really news on that front. We're now sitting tight and waiting until April 2015, during which parliament will decide whether or not they're going to pass the law granting 50% ownership to people who haven't paid for it.

So please, do continue praying for this, for the farm, for my family... Please don't stop praying.

Now, on to the good news:

About two weeks after my previous post, my mom/business partner signed the sole distribution for these shoes and others like them:



Since then, we've been on a roller coaster ride like none other because it seems like every second lady who sees the pictures wants to buy a pair. Or five.

This is amazing, of course. A complete blessing that fell out of the sky when I had started to think that all hope was lost. I thank God for this, because I truly don't think things would have gone this well without His help.

Without a doubt, this is a gift straight from His hands. It came completely unexpectedly, without us even really looking at shoes before the day my mom paid attention to them.

So yeah, if you think hope is lost, just keep praying. I'm pretty sure God has a solution around the corner just when you think there's nowhere left to go.

How are you doing? Anything you need prayers for?

Moments: A Message from Above.

This morning, me and my mom were talking while prepping the next guest house room to be painted.

As the hours went by, we went into talking about some serious stuff, and we ended up talking about God's will.

Basically, what I'd said was that once we're following God's will, and sticking to it, we can always count on Him to provide what we need, or a method to get it.

My mom then asked if I thought that us being on this farm was His will. I said I thought it was, just for the miraculous way it fell into our hands in the first place. Still, the situation is scary. The farm is HUGE and has been neglected for seven years. And putting it into a state where it can bring in money for us is taking everything we've managed to put together in the past two years.

This is our do or die moment. Either we tuck tail and run, or we knuckle down and trust that God will provide the means with which we can make the farm succeed.

Sometimes, life is that simple and that difficult.

Point is, this is terrifying. Waiting on God and not knowing where to expect help to come from.

And then when we finished prepping, I went to my room and found a little card on my bed. It was the one I got when I had my first official communion.

It's basically a thing with spaces to fill in, like the date and my name and a Bible verse that our preacher picked.

I kind of rolled me eyes, because I remembered back to that day and how I thought: "Well this isn't what I need to read." I didn't even remember what verse it was.

But as I was putting the card away, I just got a feeling I should open it and see what the verse was.

And it says this:

"Laat jou lewe aan die Here oor en vertrou op Hom: Hy sal sorg" 

It's Psalm 37:5. I tried to find an English translation of the verse, but you know how translations go. None of them say exactly the same thing as the other. So. Here's the most direct translation I give you for the Afrikaans:

Leave your life to the Lord and trust him: He Will Provide. 

In case you missed it: 

HE 

WILL 

PROVIDE!!!

My mind is blown. The day my mom and I have a worry party about provisions, is the same day my grandmother found a card I'd shoved into obscurity basically from the day I'd received it. In... Get this: 

In 2005. 

Coincidence? 

I think:

NOT.

Moments like these humble me. They remind me the God truly is in control. So much so that He kept that little note back through a lot of times I might have needed it, but already had confirmation, until the day I needed it most. 

Anyone else get messages like these from time to time? 

Not my will, but Yours.

Please Note: Today's post is about God and being a Christian, so for those of you who aren't interested in reading, please feel free to check out my writer's blog instead. 

Lately, I've been noticing something about the people coming to this blog to read posts. Almost none of them comment, so I only hope that the post I'd written fulfills their needs.

You see, the number 1 search topic bringing people to my blog is this: "Not my will, but yours." I know it goes to one of my posts from early from when this blog was still young. Sadly, I can't seem to find it, but I decided to write this anyway.

Because this is something I know people struggle with. Heck, I spent about half my life as a Christian (which is about eight years short of my whole life) struggling with it.

There's you. And stuff you want to do. And things you worry about.

And then there's God. Who sometimes lets things happen that we don't want to see happening.

So we (being delusional) have this tendency to think that we can do better at making sure our lives go well.

We believe in God. We're pretty sure He loves us, but we have this sneaking suspicion that if we let Him, He'll do a Jonah with us and force us to do stuff we absolutely refuse to do.

And since we're not all that thrilled at being swallowed by whales and prophesying (because that means standing up in front of people you don't know and who might ridicule you), we cling to the steering wheel in our lives with all we're worth.

Or maybe, something bad happened to you and you don't want to get hurt again.

Everyone has his or her reason to want to follow their will and not God's. All of them seem to be some form of self-preservation.

But letting God lead us is the best form of protection we have:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

He’s the one who will keep you on track.

Don’t assume that you know it all.

Run to God! Run from evil!

Your body will glow with health,

your very bones will vibrate with life!

Honor God with everything you own;

give Him the first and the best.

Your barns will burst,

your wine vats will brim over.

But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;

don’t sulk under his loving correction.

It’s the child he loves that God corrects;

a father’s delight is behind all this.

Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)

The bits I made bigger are promises.They don't say He might keep us on track. Or that He'll think about blessing you sometime. It says that if we let God take the lead in our lives, He'll never lead us in the wrong direction. We'll never be brought to face something that we aren't prepared for.

It also doesn't mean that we won't lose loved ones, or that we'll grow rich.

But it does mean that if we follow God's will, and are willing to be a blessing to people He guides you to bless, He will bestow blessing upon blessing on you. The more you do, the more He gives with which you can do things.

Best. Rewards Plan. EVER.

So in the smallest thing, in the biggest thing, in that thing that's been niggling you but that you think is too silly to ask Him about. EVERYTHING. Talk to Him. Refuse to make a decision until you're certain that it's what God wants. (And believe me, it's usually not a long time to wait.) Always be willing to embrace challenges. He won't ever lead you astray, even if you have to go through some troubling times first. Even if you disagree with the decision. Because if nothing else, He knows what's going on much better than you do.

I wish I could give you an easy way to do this, but I can't. It's a choice you make. Every single time something comes up. Only you can do it.

And I pray God blesses the socks of you if you do!