Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Stepping back and being happy.

Hi all! I'm back from editing again. I'll take another day before dropping by and commenting, but in the meantime, I thought the blog needed some love. 

It's really amazing how easily discontent inches into our lives and takes it over. Sad thing is, often the very things you were excited about when you started them make you unhappy now.

Maybe the better word is unhappier. 

I'm still a happy person, but lately I've been having to work harder and harder to stay that way. It's not the way I want to live my life. 

Still, I felt like the things I'd volunteered for had become responsibilities. They became chores. Worse, they became tiresome chores. 

For me, 90% of my church activities are that way. Despite my initial optimism about the new youth pastor, things are returning to more of the same. Same with the choir. I quit it a year ago, but people begged me to return, saying things will change. It didn't. 

I've tried to change. I tried to look to myself and try to fix things through the way I react. But I can't stop the church choir sopranos from bitching and griping about me without becoming a worse singer I can. I can't do anything about the youth pastor NOT EVEN RESPONDING to submissions and suggestions I made. If people listen, I can't make them HEAR. I can't make the band leader realize that two griping teenage girls with maybe an eight note range between them doesn't make it a good idea to push me (plus superior skill, training and range) out of the band. 

I volunteered because they couldn't lead the youth in praise. I volunteered for youth because at the time, God wanted me to. I volunteered for choir because I love singing and because young voices lift the sound up. 

But if no one wants me there, why should I continue to put in hours on hours of unpaid time to no effect?  Seems I'm doing no one a favor. Not even myself. 

All I'm doing is tiring myself out without seeing any fruits of my labors. And damn it. Although I don't expect it, getting ONE freaking thank you would have been lovely. Then I would have known I at least helped. But need it or not, I've been wasting my time on people who don't want it. 

That is going to stop. I already quit the choir. Staying until the end of the year to help out the choir master (who does want me there). I'm quitting the youth tomorrow morning as soon as I've spoken to my friends in the leadership. 

Then I'm going to regroup and go back to moving between churches, learning what I can and just building my faith. 

This probably won't be forever, but right now, I need to rest. Then I'll look at it again. 

But I am NOT wasting my time a single second more. 

I. Am. Done. 

And you know what? I haven't felt this free or happy in ages.

Have you ever quit things you volunteered for because they made you unhappy?


Annalisa Crawford said...

Some decisions can feel so scary, but when you make them - and you get that sense of happiness and relief back - you know you're doing the right thing. Enjoy the path your faith takes you.

Misha Gericke said...

Thanks so much!