It's important for me to finish the series, though, because writing through all these things are part of my efforts to moving on with my life.
As such, I've decided to continue with this series until I've finished it. It's going to take me a bit, but I'll get through it eventually.
In the meantime: I'm on M at the moment.
The best word I could think of for M is Motion.
After 2014 went so spectacularly wrong, there needed to be a time for me to withdraw. To pull back and mourn all the damage that had been done. To come to terms. To just sit still and keep breathing through the pain.
This is natural. It's good for us.
Within limits.
See the thing is that sitting still and coming to terms means that we're stationary. And honestly, it means we're often sitting much too close to the negativity of the things we're mourning. For a while, this isn't bad. But indefinitely, sitting still like this allows negativity and bitterness to take hold. Those two paralyses us until we're basically just drifting along into more negativity and more bitterness.
I don't know if you'd be okay with that, but I'm not. One day I will tell you why I do this, but I measure my life according to one standard: When I'm at the end of my life and looking back, will I be pleased with the amount of living I did?
Honestly... I can say it's a good thing I didn't die at the end of last year. Because I would not have been pleased. No, I don't mean this in a "I'm beating myself up because I couldn't do anything about things that were completely out of my control" way. It's more that I got stuck in all this negativity and bitterness all year long until it was okay for me to just survive, but I didn't do nearly enough of anything else. I didn't live.
Since I'm still alive, though, I'm being a bit more forgiving, but I do realize the importance of getting back into the business of living. It's not always easy, but I'm slowly but surely getting it done.
In short: There's motion in my life again. Not always fast, and definitely not always forward (as the last week or so demonstrated), but I'm moving on into a better year. I'm learning and moving on, because I can't bear wallowing in a pit of despair any longer.
And I know I'm learning, because even though I indulged in some wallowing last week, I was in a hurry to be done with it again.
Which in itself is a good thing.
How are you doing? Is there motion in your life?
8 comments:
Motion is so important because I have a bad habit of standing still until I'm too stuck to move. I did that a lot last year due to certain circumstances, but am trying to change things this year. This post really resonates with me, so thank you for that. Here's to the lessons we've learned and moving forward as part of the healing. Take care...:)
I'm glad you are continuing on with your A-Z posts and working through this stuff. Sometimes life does seem to pile the shit on us, but we grow stronger through it all. To me, it seems like you've done a lot this year. It's been an adventure, if nothing else. Good luck finishing the challenge. Looking forward to your posts.
Thanks for the visit, Misha, yes I was in Central Africa, and the word is used there too :0)
Last year was tough for me too, so I can relate. And despite a few pot holes in the road, this year has been better.
Remember it's not absolutely necessary to finish the series. Particularly if you got more exciting and wonderful things to do because LIFE should always be more important.
Very well said. Yes motion is important. I sometimes wish I had a bit less of it, as I like quiet time to think, balancing both is the trick. Hope you'll post pictures of the blanket you're working on, would love to see it. I find knitting and crocheting to be very helpful working through stress.
Sandy at Bridge and Beyond
I started a painting challenge last year...just paint a little bit every day. I barely even got started before I realized it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes the time just isn't right. Be gentle with yourself.
I'm proud of you for being so insightful! Sometimes you have to change courses to move forward. For me 2014 was not a winning year either. But I'm back in forward motion too. Happy 2015!
Popping back in to say hi, hope all is well and to thank you for your sweet supportive visits and comments.
Sandy at Bridge and Beyond
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