I really don't.
And even when I know that I'm not supposed to, but somehow I really am struggling.
In fact, my hard-fought peace of mind is now pretty much gone.
With all my heart, I wish my last thought before I went to bed last night occurred to me tomorrow. Really I do.
My concert went very well. So well, in fact, that if the fall was physical, I'd probably be dead.
All because I had this spark fire in my mind that my test scores should be out. The test that I'd written that had gone so smoothly that I was actually optimistic about it.
So optimistic that I skipped right over my score because my mind refused to acknowledge what my eyes had seen.
I failed my test. In fact... I've missed my predicate. Five weeks of studying.
For... diddly squat.
Fortunately, I should get predicate for as long as I get above 50% on this upcoming project, but in the scope of things, I hardly care.
Because the stats are stacked against me.
1) Last year I got a big fat 0% for economics because I'd blanked.
2) This year I spent 5 weeks on three sections.
3) I was supposed to have four weeks for the extra three.
4) Now I have to spend four weeks on SEVEN sections.
5) Not that it matters, because I wrote well, remember? I KNEW everything I wrote about. And I still got half marks on every. single. question. (or the equivalent).
So... the basic inference I can draw from this is that unless I can take telepathy 101 in these coming weeks, I'm pretty much screwed. Because it's not as if I can study more than I've already learnt before.
But you know what's the worst? Year from now, 1st October will never again be the night of my first concert. It will be the night I failed.