Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I have been so focused on everything else that I forgot one detail. A big one. So big that I can't believe I missed it.
My degree. I have one subject to do. The exams are in November. Should I win the role I mentioned, I'd be stuck on the other side of the country from my for most of the time from September. Not to mention that the show will be touring. The two are mutually exclusive.
Now, maybe I'm counting my chickens before they're hatched, but I can't, just can't spend another year with this freaking subject hanging over my head. I won't.
Nor am I willing to just let five years of studies go down the drain. The dream is sweet, but I'm talking about HUNDREDS of thousands of rands worth of tuition, textbooks, accommodation and living expenses that would amount to nothing. I could feed about five HUNDRED poor families with the money that would go to waste.
I just can't do it. As much as I want the role. As much as I want to get into my career of choice. I know that if I don't finish the subject, I will drag it with me for the rest of my life. My most expensive failure.
I can't do that.
So... Now I have to decide if I can cope with the demon of my degree, economics, while missing classes and having to study on my own AND rehearsals and performances.
Hell, I might not even get the role, but what if I do? What if I'm setting myself up for an even bigger disappointment?
Have you ever had to make a difficult decision? How did you decide? Am I being silly/premature with my concerns?