Friday, May 27, 2011

A wrinkle in the plan.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I have been so focused on everything else that I forgot one detail. A big one. So big that I can't believe I missed it.

My degree. I have one subject to do. The exams are in November. Should I win the role I mentioned, I'd be stuck on the other side of the country from my for most of the time from September. Not to mention that the show will be touring. The two are mutually exclusive.

Now, maybe I'm counting my chickens before they're hatched, but I can't, just can't spend another year with this freaking subject hanging over my head. I won't.

Nor am I willing to just let five years of studies go down the drain. The dream is sweet, but I'm talking about HUNDREDS of thousands of rands worth of tuition, textbooks, accommodation and living expenses that would amount to nothing. I could feed about five HUNDRED poor families with the money that would go to waste.

I just can't do it. As much as I want the role. As much as I want to get into my career of choice. I know that if I don't finish the subject, I will drag it with me for the rest of my life. My most expensive failure.

I can't do that.

So... Now I have to decide if I can cope with the demon of my degree, economics, while missing classes and having to study on my own AND rehearsals and performances.

Hell, I might not even get the role, but what if I do? What if I'm setting myself up for an even bigger disappointment?

Have you ever had to make a difficult decision? How did you decide? Am I being silly/premature with my concerns?

5 comments:

Suze said...

What do you really want? Take 'should' out of the equation and sit with what's left.

Gregg said...

I have had to make a major decision in the last couple of weeks. I prayed about it, looked at my hearts desire, got counsel from over a dozen mature spiritual believers and made a decision trusting God to give me direction.

You are right, we spend way to much money on things that will have no meaning in eternity when we could spread the gospel, feed/clothe, and minister to people.

SunnyToast said...

Goodluck with your decision:)

Bethe77 said...

Go with what gives you the greatest peace. The peace that surpasses all your understanding.
Decissions are never easy but I say if you go with the peace that is the one that will give you the greatest pleasure and will be the one the Lord is leading you on.
Misha thank you for stopping by my blog
Many Blessings

Misha said...

Suze, that is so true. It is something that I will have to sit with when the time comes.

Gregg, that's so true. I ended up giving over the decision to God and leaving the decision until it's actually time to make it.

Thanks, Sunny!

Bethe, that's so true. Thank you so much for your sound advice. :-)