Funny how fast it happens.
One minute I'm at a high, seeing that opportunities are opening for me.
And then... fear hits. Not just something like being afraid of spiders or mice, but rather a fear of failure. A distant memory that becomes more real because I'm repeating exactly the same subject as the one that is without a doubt, the greatest failure in my life.
It takes hold and suddenly all of my thoughts turn in, focusing on the fear.
Then starts the whorl. My thoughts start to chase their tails, running around in circles about one axis: the fear.
It completely paralyses me, filling me with even more fears, because fear breads. Splits and multiplies like a cancerous cell.
I don't know where I would have ended up if not for a little voice. One that said:
"Misha! Quickly, think of a flower."
My reactions was identical yours now: Huh?!
And that was the point. God gave me the ammunition I needed to shoot fear down. Because He made me snap out of the destructive thinking pattern to something different. From there I could wrest control back over my thoughts and control how I would think about my worries.
Most of the original thoughts were valid, but the ones that came after weren't. Once I knew that, I could look at my situation and list solutions.
And you know what? The first solution was the best in the end.
Now I feel like I have a grip on one fifth of my Exam marks when I'm writing exams (one third during my test). I will gain the upper hand over this subject lecturer by lecturer. And I won't fail this again. I'll make it a massive success, smile at everyone who says that I should do honors, and walk away into the rest of my life.
Fear is not going to get a lasting grip on me now.
What about you? Ever got hit by fear? How did you deal with it?