Monday, November 7, 2011

Still finding my stride...

I'm finally coming to that time when the rest of my life should be picking up, but it's not really working that way. 

See, when that economics test results came back, it hit me harder than I wanted to admit. I literally spent the weeks afterwards recovering. I'm finally coming to the point where I'm over the worst of it, but the sting still lingers. 

It's sticking around in the form that I'm not committing to anything until 23 November, just in case the people marking my exam decide that what I wrote was nonsense, whether they read it or not. I think I did really well, but I thought so with the test as well, so the truth is, I don't want to be optimistic, because the higher my hopes, the further they can fall. 

I know it's probably not the best way to think about this, but I don't think I could handle having my hopes dashed again. Because if I don't pass this exam, I REALLY don't know how to pass the subject. 

So because of that, I'm focusing on work and on NaNoWriMo, since these are my fall-back positions. Once I feel OK to venture out again, I will. I just need my battle scars to fade a little more or to get full closure, whichever comes first. 

Ever found yourself struggling to get back to the place you were before a big disappointment? How do you do it? 


Julie Musil said...

Ack, I know how you feel. But I think you're handling it well...focusing on something else that brings you joy. It seems that the passage of time is the best way for me to handle disappointments. Good luck!

Geoff Maritz said...

Perseverance, now there is a strange word, I think it means not giving up and refusing to let disappointments get you down or something like that. His mercies are new every morning so look forward to the dawn and thank God it didn't kill you.
My daughter is studying Accounting through Unisa and also struggles with economics but she's still trying and will eventually come through. She's going into her third year now even though it's taken her four years to get this far.
God bless you girl, I'll say a prayer for you, Geoff.

Joanne said...

I have had a lot of dissapointmet and yes it is so hard for me to just pick up and go on. I find that it's different for everyone. I allow myself that time to recoop then I do something completely different to get me out of the rut. whether it is painting for the first time in months or going back to write a manuscript that I let go years ago. Also Prayer works for me. But like I said everyone is different and so we all need to recover differently too. take your time and heal. I hope things get better for you and maybe it will make all the struggle worth while in the end... and sweeter too!
Blessings, Joanne