Wednesday, July 4, 2012

In Which I Lose It

Warning: Rant to follow. 

So. Interesting questions. 

When you're unhappy because of the way that EVERYONE treats you. Have you thought about changing the way you act towards people in the first place? 

I'm not talking about abusive husbands and the like. 

I'm talking about the fact that you feel lonely because no one says more than a few words to you. 

You're miserable because people shut down the moment you speak. 

Do you think that it's a conspiracy aimed at making you miserable? 

Or at what stage do you think: "mmm... EVERYONE acts this way towards me. Doesn't that make me the common factor to all this? Doesn't that mean that I'm the agent of my own misery?" 

Because hell. I've had more than one person telling me that I'm the problem that I've been trying to change. I've tried to improve. I take all this advice and criticism and try to make something positive of it by trying to be a better person. 

But the first time these same people get pointed out once that they're also adding to some issues, they throw up their hands and say they're not even trying any more. 

Well I'm sorry. But if a person isn't even trying in the first place, what right have they to try to tell me how I should live my life? 

How dare anyone criticize me for reacting strongly to certain things that I'm perfectly within my rights to be upset about, but they get to sulk and punish and mope and be sullen with impunity. 

I know that I'm not an angel. But I'm not with everyone every time something is said or done to make someone miserable. So they should really stop trying to blame me and take a hard look at what they've been doing to provoke certain reactions. 

Because if someone shuts conversation down and complain about people not talking to them.

Or sit to one side and expect people to come after them for conversation. 

Or crack highly inappropriate jokes or make little comments "in jest" and then get angry because people don't "get it". 

Or snap at people and get mad because they snap back. 

Well then, those people have a huge problem, wouldn't you say? And it isn't me. I had nothing to do with it except maybe get caught in the wrong conversation at the wrong time. And yes, I said caught. Because when those people are "not talking to me" because they feel slighted, odds are that I don't want to talk to you either. 

And fact is: No one can blame me. 

Even if they do. 

Okay. Rant over. What are your thoughts? I promise I won't launch a massive attack or anything. This post was a LOOOOOOOONG time in coming. 


Susan Kane said...

I understand. On different issues, but still the same undercurrent.

Deniz Bevan said...

Sounds entirely familiar to me! Sometimes I give in and shut up for long stretches of time. But then when I comment on things people end up saying "why are you so upset about this?" and I realise that they don't realise that I've been holding back. So then I resolve to comment on things that upset me as they happen. But I don't want to be snarky and upset all the time, so I end up putting the best face on things. And the whole cycle repeats...

Patricia Stoltey said...

I think I'll just take to rolling my eyes and saying "Whatever," like a teenager. It's so much easier. :D

anthony stemke said...

You can't control other people; don't let them live in your head. Extend a hand, be a friend. Don't hang around with they who bring you down. I used to work with a jerk who was very very negative. Just for fun I went out of my way to be very positive, smiley and friendly. He didn't change but I kept my balance.
Try to laugh whenever you can.

Christine Rains said...

I understand being stuck in the wrong conversation at the wrong time. Everyone is looking for someone else to blame. Don't feel bad for ranting. I can sympathize.

Em-Musing said...

First, they're 'your' feelings and all of your feelings are valid. I don't know why some people love to criticize, but at your age...I think you know how to live your life. Those people just won't let you. There are two kinds of people in this life, those who raise you up, and those who put you down. Eliminate the latter from your life as much as you can.