A to Z Challenge: Blessings

As I mentioned yesterday, 2014 was one of those years I'll happily never want to repeat again. It's now April, and my family and I are still dealing with ramifications of what had happened. So, in an effort to come to terms with everything, I'm writing about things I've learned in this period. This way, I at least have something positive to take away from all my experiences.

Just so you know, this post will have a Christian theme to it, so if you'd rather read something religion free, I have a blog about writing here. 

Let me tell you a simple truth. Watching your whole life sink down a drain without you being able to do anything about it is enough to drive one mad.

Again, I'm left struggling for words. I don't think I can make someone understand what the few months between December and March of this year was like. And that says a lot. I'm a writer. I should be able to make people understand anything.

The year 2014 was the worst year of my life so far, and December to March was when the full impact of everything that had happened hit at the same time. If you've read my pre-2014 posts on this blog, you'll know I'm a go-getter. So the worst of this period is this sense I had. That a damn wall had burst somewhere and flooded my life with so much negativity that I had no power to do anything but to let myself be washed along by the torrent.

This feeling, to say the least, is terrifying.

The powerlessness about it is worse.

Especially when you see your loved ones in the middle of the disaster right there with you.

A few blessings were all that stood between me and despair:

God staying with me and being with me. Even when I screamed at Him in anger and pain. 

Knowing (probably because of God's help) that no matter what had happened, none of it was a physical. Neither me, nor any members of my family, nor our employees or even our pets were seriously ill or passed away during this bleak period between December and March. My losses, although having an impact on my belief in humanity, never truly impacted my person or those of my loved ones.  

Knowing (definitely with God's help) that Romans 8:28 is true: 

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (More on this on U-Day)

As long as long as I kept those blessings in front of me, the events swirling around me weren't insurmountable. Because no matter how big those things are, my God is bigger, and I have Him on my side. 

Have you counted your blessings lately? 

Four lessons I'm taking into 2015...

So... I'm still stuck without reliable Internet access. Which is why I've been so very quiet lately.

Still alive. Quite well. And... camping. Yep. My family of five members, three dogs, six cats and a parrot are currently living in two caravans, since we're living on a farm now where we still need to build the house.

Add to that the fact that it was silly season (not sure if it's the same up north, but in South Africa, at least, EVERYTHING except retail closes or is reduced to skeleton staff at end November.) which meant that we couldn't submit the planning permission required to start building. (Nor, for that matter, could we even have the plans drawn.)

Anyway. As I mentioned quite a few times: last year sucked. And... well... things didn't simply snap back when January 1 dawned. I'm still carrying the wounds from last year and there are still a few things (like an announcement on Facebook by someone I thought I'd unfriended, but I forgot to unlike her page) that hit me like a punch to the gut.

At the same time, though, I am feeling better.

Because... for now at least, it's all over. By the end of last year, the things that went wrong, did so spectacularly. But the fireworks are over. Now all I have to deal with is the smoldering remains. Which is quite a nice change, frankly, after so much drama and explosions.

For one thing, it's so much more... peaceful, which means that I've written almost 70 thousand words since December started and I've read a third of the amount of books I read in 2014, in the first week of January.

I'm getting a lot done at the moment, and in doing so, I'm actually doing a lot of other things as well:

1) I'm trusting God. Honestly, last year was so hard towards the end that my trust had been shaken. But now that things are calming down again, I'm able to gain some perspective on 2014. And it's something I just do know: Even if I don't understand, God's still there, and He still has my back. Now that I remember that again, I'm peaceful, which I can't honestly say is a state I've been in since mmm...  I don't know... December 2013.

2) I'm working to forgive. This one is hard. This is the one where all nature of things remind me of what went wrong, who wronged me and how they did it. Once I used to be an angry and vindictive person, and it could be so easy to get back to that, but the truth is, no matter what, the one who gets the most damage from me not forgiving is me. So what's the point? These people hurt me. Quite a few of them cut to the quick. My automatic reaction to go cut even deeper than that, but in doing so, I would lose myself. Which hurts me even more. By acting on this desire for vengeance, I'd only be hurting myself in ways that no one else ever could. It's not worth it. They aren't worth my happiness. Besides, I happen to believe that people get what they deserve. If not now, then in the afterlife. God's job is to judge. Mine is to learn, let go and move on.

Neither are easy, but both are doable. It starts with a few prayers for help. It continues with listening to that soft, gentle voice inside. It finishes with taking the right actions. Like unfollowing/unliking someone rather than leaving a nasty comment. Like knowing that at least I can continue living my life without having compromised on who I am. And...

3) I'm being grateful. Sometimes, this is all the perspective we need. Because throughout all the bad stuff that went wrong in 2014, there is much to be grateful for. Like... we're all healthy and alive. And we found the perfect place to stay (the fact that there's no house aside.).

Lastly:

4) I've regained hope. At some stage, I've given up hope that things would ever be okay again, but they are. And they will get better. I just need to keep going.

How was your year in 2014? Any lessons you're taking into 2015?

Refocusing Priorities

Have you ever noticed how you can set some amazing and sensible goals, only to discover a few weeks down the line that you didn't do a thing toward them?

Happens to me with amazing frequency. Like my drafting goals. In January and February, I got almost no writing done.

Here's the thing, though, if you really care about getting your goals done, you can't just mope and give up.

You need to re-focus your priorities.

For me, this means doing the following:

1) Putting more focus back on my faith. There's a really good reason for this, but I'll do another post on it in the very near future.

2) Getting back into a regular writing schedule. Right now I'm trying to write a thousand words every day for the month. That way when I tone back down, I'll be more than able to write five days a week or something along those lines.

3) Finding sporting activities that intrigue me. This means I will definitely be going back to fencing. Then there's probably pilates or yoga and  maybe capoeira to strengthen my core.

4) Learning Languages. Main clients in my company are now French and Dutch, so that'll be the ones I focus on. I have until May to be conversant....

5) Finally, I'm making a concerted effort to deal with stress. It's just so much better for my stress. Amazing thing is that a few hours after I came to this decision, I was offered a chance to test a social network focusing on the so-called Psychology of Happiness, called Happify. Basically they give users a few short exercises to do every day, helping us focus on the positive and to escape stress. It also shares some really interesting stats on what makes people happy/stressed etc. Interested in checking it out? I've been given five invitations, so if you want to test drive this Happify thing too, please let me know in the comments and leave me an e-mail address.

Which goals do you think you need to refocus on? Want a Happify invite?

The Bloghop of Joy

Today I'm taking part in two blogfests. The first is this, the Bloghop of Joy. One my other blog, I'm taking part in the Back From the Future blogfest.

But back to the Bloghop of Joy. This blogfest is intended to be a celebration of joy and what makes us joyful. Since I'm all for counting blessings, I'll list the top ten things (in no particular order) that give me joy. 

1) Creation. I just feel incredibly happy whenever I create. Usually it takes the form of writing, but on occasion I paint and explore other creative pursuits (like knitting) as well. 

2) Helping others. This sounds REALLY sappy. I know. But the fact is, I love helping people understand things. From critting a novel, to helping with queries, to helping someone new to the faith understand God a little better. In fact, I probably love doing the latter above all. 

3) A moment of kindness from others. Not necessarily towards me. 

4) Laughing children. 

5) A moment of surprising beauty. Especially captured on my camera. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but sometimes, it's not the planned shot that come out most beautiful. I adore those surprising photos that just come out of nowhere. Also, sometimes, something just changes in the light, or something else tiny changes that makes something you see astoundingly beautiful. Those moments always make me smile.

6) Having a good time with my family.

7) A dog's unconditional love. 

8) Walking into a church and feeling God's presence. 

9) Learning something new. 

10) Music. I love when a beautiful voice starts singing out of nowhere, but most of all, I love singing. 

What gives you joy? 

Tests and Blessings

Hey all! Before I start with today's post, I just want to let you know that I'm almost done with editing my Berlin pictures, so I should have them posted by Friday.

Also, I just want to state out of respect for my non-believing readers that this will be a faith centered post.

A conversation I had with a Christian lady in an Italian restaurant in Berlin (go figure) actually put my thoughts onto this topic.

For some reason, conversation had just turned to God and obedience to him. She said that she sometimes struggles with being obedient, especially when God seems to be rather obscure or even difficult in what He wants her to do.

And you know, I think she's far from being the only one. Hell, I think every man and woman of God in the history of mankind struggled with this. I mean, just off the top of my head, I think of Abraham and Job. Or even Noah.

Abraham, after receiving his promised child late in his life, was told by God to go sacrifice him. Job was a famous man of God who fell from the highest heights of God's blessing his life to nothing. He was put through test after test with no end in sight.

Noah was told to build a ship. Easy, right? Nope. From what I understand, no one in his time even knew what rain was. And he was building a ship in the middle of nowhere because God told him to.

So yeah... those examples always makes me feel a bit humbled. God tends to be a lot less extreme in what he wants me to do. (I.E. Writing this post, for example, but that's another story.)

Anyway. The answer I had for the lady must have come straight from God, so I want to share it with you too.

Tests make blessings possible.

If Abraham had put Isaac his son before God's will, God would never have made Abraham the father of a nation. 

The moment Job broke through the doubts and self-pity prevailing because of being tested, and prayed for other people's blessings instead, an amazing thing happened. Not only did the tests stop, but God blessed him even more than he had been blessed to start with. 

And Noah... I doubt he could swim for the duration of the flood and the time until the water dried away again. So because of his obedience, he saved not only himself, but his family as well. 

I know that sometimes we have NO idea why God lets difficult/terrible things happen to us. Or why He wants us to do something random or obscure or weird. But He ALWAYS has a reason. 

And more often than not, these tests are a chance for Him to bless you and/or those you love. 

Have you ever thought back to a difficult time in your life that you came through, and saw the blessings that came from that time? You'd be surprised, I think. 

Anyone want to share a testimony? Or facing a difficult test and needing a prayer from your brothers and sisters in God? 

10 Things I Learnt in 2012

Since Wednesday's 10 things post went over so well, I thought I'd do another, more in line with what TCoML is about. 

Therefore: I present to you the 10 big lessons I learnt last year. (In no particular order.)

1. Changing the wording in my mind changed the game. Instead of "I have to do this..." I tried saying "I want to do this." It really makes a difference. 
2. Not to put limits on the size of God's grace. When I decide what He won't do for me, He more often than not doesn't. But when I keep faith that ANYTHING is possible through him, everything became possible. 
3. Sometimes, doing a good thing, isn't necessarily right. Confusing, I know, but once you'd spent an amount of time serving a church, you might know what I mean. 
4. Commitment isn't always about who gets an advantage, but neither is it intended to be a punishment. 
5. Committing to my happiness is a 24/7 job, because no one else will do it for me. 
6. No one can fully support anyone, even if they love that person. It's impossible to fully support something you know nothing about. 
7. Fighting and screaming is miles better than silence and toxic atmospheres. As long as fighting is done while keeping things clean and in order to make something better.  
8. I can do much more than I think. 
9. Sometimes taking deep breaths are better than to say or write something. 
10. Being Christian and living as one can be very hard, but satisfying at the same time. 

So that's my lessons from last year. What did you learn?  

How I did in 2012

Hi all! We've all come to the end of another year. Overall, 2012 was a really good one for me and my family. We were so blessed. For that, I just want to thank God and ask that the blessings keep on coming. 

In the mean time, here's one last look at how I did this year with my goals. If you want to know my goals for 2013, you'll need to go to MFB. 

Writing:

I want to finish Doorways before 30 June. 

Finished, but a bit late. 

I will query Doorways on 1 July.
Queried, but closer to September because of the above. 

I want to finish the WiP2 rewrite by 30 September.
I decided not to, since I no longer felt a spark. 

I want to finish the Don't Look Back draft by 31 December.
I finished it, although the ending left me dissatisfied. Luckily, I managed to work out what went wrong and what I want to do for the rewrite. 

I want to finish at least one draft of the musical libretto by 31 December.
This one was unrealistic from the start. Both me and my writing partner got stuck in other projects and activities. 

I might want to look at Guardian again.
This I did. It's currently an active draft. 

Reading:

I want to read more (crit partners' manuscripts don't count).
I think I read more than last year. 

I want to read Shakespeare, Austen and Martin.
No Shakespeare or Martin, but I read most of Austen. I only have Emma left.

Life:

Auditions, auditions, auditions. 

Went to one acting audition in the area. Musical ones will wait until my voice settles down completely. I did, however, take part in my first concert as a soloist this year. 

I want to master at least intermediate cooking.
I'd like to think I managed this one. 

I want to spend more time designing.
This is one of a few activities that I didn't get time for. 

I want to brush up on my French and Mandarin (at least one of the two) and take another language.
This was another.

I want to take classes in a musical instrument. Either piano or guitar.
I started taking guitar. Stopped when the year grew too busy, but I might continue next year, especially now that I don't have as many activities on weeknights. 

I also want to get out more next year. Cabin fever never did suit me.
This I did, sometimes to my detriment. 

Since I achieved four goals in 2011, I want to achieve six in 2012.

Achieved eight, six of which were unconditional. :-D

Yay! It's a great feeling to see how much I got done. 

How did you do? 

Counting Our Blessings

This will be just a short post, since I'd like you all to rather watch the video I included and take some inspiration from it.

Today is a day I want to count my blessings and the first one is that I reached my 200th post today. 

I truly hope that I managed to touch your hearts and lives in the same way that you have mine. You are yet another blessing to me. Thank you. 

I'm not going to go into more blessings on here, but I'd love it if you'd share some of the blessings in your life that you can think about. 

In the mean time, here's the video. 

Have a blessed weekend!