Perceptions

Recently, I started re-reading The Three Musketeers. The last time I read it, it was abridged and I was in grade 10. The other time I read it, I was... gosh I don't know... ten? And it was unabridged. 

This time, I'm reading it unabridged in French. 

It's slow going. (Because I have to stop frequently to check that I'm translating correctly, and the book is huge.) 

I'm now at the scene where D'Artagnan meets Rocheford. I stopped just after D'Artagnan challenged Rocheford. 

And you know what's the one thing that's still sticking in my mind two days later?

D'Artagnan is being a bit of an asshole. 

It's strange, because in neither of the two previous readings did I feel this way. In fact, he was always one of my favorite characters out there. (Although Athos beats him by a mile.) 

Part of me wonders if I was just so young the first time that I simply decided that he was older (at eighteen) and therefore had to be right and just in his outrage.

However, I have a very good memory for books I've read (so much so that I can translate most of what I've read so far simply because I remembered the English unabridged wording from the first time I read the book.) 

I don't remember this, though: 

Rocheford, when confronted for laughing at D'Artagnan's horse, pointing out that he doesn't laugh often, but that he does reserve the right to laugh when it pleases him. 

D'Artagnan says something along the lines of "Yes, but you should not laugh when it displeases me." (Which I took to mean: It's rude to laugh when it's upsetting to other people.)

Rocheford's response to the eighteen year old kid who already threatened him by pulling a foot-long section of his rapier out? "Truly sir? Okay. Fair enough." 

And then he walks away. 

D'Artagnan is the one who further instigates the fight between and Rocheford. 

I don't remember ever reading something like this. Or seeing some version of this in any of the (many) movie versions I've seen. So much so that I think that either something is lost in the translation to English, or the editors in English have left this scene out. (Although I could be wrong and I just missed this scene twice.) 

My point? 

I couldn't help thinking, as I mulled this difference over, that this beautifully illustrates how tricky perceptions can be. Not only in reading, but in life as well. We have our perceptions manipulated all the time. (Having more stuff will make us happy. This is what "beautiful" looks like. Oh, so this is the hero of the story, but we can't have the complexity of him being a bit of an asshole, so let's take this bit out.) 

Whether we like it or not, we make judgments (e.g. D'Artagnan = good, Rocheford = Bad) and those further form perceptions, not only in ourselves, but in the people who are being judged. 

Such as poor people who are judged for being poor, without us even knowing the people. And then they, believing these perceptions, act according to the roles we've given them. 

It's definitely something to be mindful of. 

Does it mean that D'Artagnan's douche move will mean I don't like him anymore? Well... no. I might actually like him a bit more for his imperfection. But it is nice to get a clear view of him now. 

The Thing About Wisdom and Voices Lost Through Censorship

It's actually Tuesday today. August 25, but something has been going on on my Facebook for the past two days that is bothering me so much that I decided to write about it. At the same time, I am not giving the person behind it the influence required to make me change my posting schedule in order to publish this and this is why this post is only going live today.

The truth is that I am furious, but I am trying to keep myself from ranting, because there's really no point. In fact, it would go exactly against the point I am trying to make. I am, however human, so if I come across as sharp in some way... Sorry. Kind of.

Yesterday, I got a status update on my Facebook that goes along the lines of the following:

"It scares me when people younger than the age of 30 gives lifecoaching and advice about living. And it's even worse because they try to be wise and then they're wiser-than-thou too. You only really know what life is about at 40, so before you try to give some advice, try living a little longer."

To which I responded, in short, that I am 26 and posting to this blog (and yes, I do give life dvice on it) and I think that it's wrong (specifically stereotyping) to assume that all people under (or over, for that matter) a certain age gives bad (or good) advice because of that.

The response:

"Blog or not, I won't fucking believe that anyone that hasn't lived 40+ years has enough life experience to advise anyone else on life. Once people reach that sort of age, they hang their head in shame for what they said in youth, because young people live in a bubble and believe it to be the whole world, and then they are arrogant and cocky too." 

I typed a long response to this, but ended up deleting most of it, because I knew that in the end, it would only waste my time to engage further than I have. And my long comment most certainly would have resulted in a longer and longer argument with someone who doesn't even respect my opinion. The point is, though, that this kind of thinking needs to be talked about. And it goes beyond age. It goes to any possible form of otherness that we can think of. (Color. Sexual Orientation. Where you're born. How you speak. What language is spoken. Beliefs.)

For simplicity (and because it was the discrimination I have just been exposed to), age will be my focus.

But the WHOLE TIME I AM WRITING THIS, 

I am aware of the fact that as discrimination goes, 

I got it easy.

Although I wrote a short comment to close out my part of that discussion and left it at there, I feel that this needs to be part of a larger discussion. The gist of my comment was this: 

I don't care what you think. 

I will speak out. 

I will share advice. 

I will share my (much larger than people would think) life experience with other people.

Because if doing so helps one person,

my goals in writing this blog has been achieved.

More importantly: 

Dismissing people's voices/advice

simply because of some otherness

creates a situation where all you ever hear

reinforces your own possibly narrow-minded world view. 

THIS IS HOW BUBBLES ARE CREATED.

And this is how wisdom is lost.

I might be 26. I might not know everything about life, but I am wise enough to know that I never will until the day I die. And I am open-minded enough to learn from people around me. Be they my age, younger, older, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, straight, trans, gay, Christian like me, Christian not like me, or any other faith. Or of no faith whatsoever. Or any number of other othernesses that I'm not naming because to name them all would take a book. 

Because being different from me

DOES NOT make your voice

have less value than mine.

AND IT DOES NOT!!!

GIVE ME THE RIGHT TO SILENCE YOU

Be it physically, or through ridicule,

or through trying to convince you

that somehow, 

YOU'RE NOT WORTHY OF YOUR VOICE.

Our opinions might be wrong,
but we deserve to have those opinions weighed by merit
instead of having them discounted simply because we're different.

And call me an idealist, but I expect similar treatment. Respect is a two-way road. Always. ALWAYS. 

The world would be a much better place if a lot of people

GREW UP AND REALIZED THIS.

And sadly, that's not an age thing. 

What exactly are we doing to ourselves?!

There, but for the grace of God, go I...

Although I'm just going to write this post stream-of-conscious-style and I really don't know where it's headed, it's probably going to feature God and Christianity in some way. So if that's not your thing, maybe you'd prefer to visit my writing blog? 

In my country, we have a rampant unemployment problem. I mean really. It's bad. Add to that the fact that pensions and welfare barely covers the cost of survival... and it gives you an idea of the absolute nightmare it is to be on the wrong side of the bread-line. (Especially when minimum wage comes into play, but I'm not going to debate the pros and cons of minimum wage.) 

The thing is that South Africa is generally seen as a place of opportunity. In a sense, it is. The problem is, however, that sometimes, this point of view leads to this idea that if somehow you're struggling, it's all your fault because opportunity is "ripe for the picking." This from the point of view of a lucky few who actually had access to these opportunities. 

And no, I'm not talking about race, either. This thinking goes everywhere. The result is that often, the suffering of the people around us go unnoticed. Of course, this isn't helped by the fact that there are people who cynically try and rip people off a la Thenardier from Les Mis. They do muddle things up way too much, and make people in general so cynical that they look over the people who are suffering. 

But last year, I've come to realize just how easy it is to lose everything due to things completely beyond our control. We lost last year due to a variety of factors - not limited to breaches of various contracts. We lost HUGE. Which is part of the reason why it's taking me six months to come to terms with last year. 

And yet, I feel so fortunate. 

Because we had those resources to lose. More than that, we're still in a state where we can bounce back.

A lot of people in my country would starve if a few elderly people didn't get their monthly state pensions to $120 per month. (Actually less, depending on the exchange rate.) 

There aren't enough jobs for the untrained. There aren't jobs for the school leavers. There aren't enough resources for most people to bounce back after a bad year. 

And that worries me. Because I've seen how fast and how far I fell this year alone. I've had a mere taste of the misery that cause, and I know that people are experiencing year after year of this. 

Last year truly has opened my eyes to the suffering of others, because I could so easily have ended up in the same place, if not for God's grace. 

The problem is...I don't know how to help anyone else. 

Not yet, anyway. I'm working on it.

A to Z of Lessons Learned in 2014: Ownership

This is a bit of a tricky subject for me to write about, so please bear with me.

See, 2014 and about three months into 2015 have been the worst times I've experienced in years. Although it didn't touch my health and those of most of my loved ones (for which I remain thankful.) 

But to sum up 2014: I saw basically everything of meaning that me and my family had built up for years lost through no fault of our own. (And the fallout continued into this year too. Although now I can safely say that things are going much better.) 

The thing is that really, when nothing can be done, ownership hurts. Because it makes the loss so much more personal. I couldn't take complete ownership, though. I couldn't take ownership of other people's choices. Only my own. And their choices meant that there was nothing I could still do and still maintain my integrity. 

I can take ownership of my integrity, though. Of my dignity as I went through a rough year. 

I can still take ownership of things that I can control. 

And the one thing I could control other than my dignity and integrity was what I'd do next. This is where taking ownership is a good thing. 

Because when things go this badly, everything comes down to two options: 

Get back up or don't. 

I decided to get back onto my feet. 

What about you? What's your relationship with ownership like? 

A to Z Challenge: Learning

Sorry for falling behind again. Life got a bit hectic for me two days ago, so I haven't been able to write at all.

One of the big things I'm learning from 2014 and the subsequent fallout this year is... well, to learn from it.

Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but I can't really think of a better way to put it.

I mean, yes, I've always learned from my life. There are always mistakes made. Always things to learn.

Usually, though, it takes me a few months to gain the perspective needed for the process to happen automatically.

Waiting for the process to kick in didn't feel quite right this time, though. For one simple reason: I've spent a horrible year. I don't want to take months dwelling on it.

So this time I picked my theme so that I could purposefully look for those lessons and the positive aspects to what I've gone through. That way, I have to look at things from the right perspective.

Any you know what? It's really helping me. Writing about the things I've learned makes the things that have happened seem so much smaller in my mind. Yes, they're big. They had huge implications and ramifications in my life. But once the fallout is completely over (and I'm hoping that will be soon), the implications and ramifications that follow will be completely positive. And that positive effect on my life makes even the terrible year I've had worthwhile. It gives it meaning. A good meaning.That means I might one day look back on a year I would otherwise have written off, smiling.

Do you also sometimes push yourself to learn from your life? 

A to Z Challenge: Journey

Sometimes, I'm tempted to look back on this past year and wonder why any of it had happened. I mean, why go to the heights of excitement only to have the rug yanked out from under your feet more often than not?

That's a question I still don't really have an answer to. Yes, for some of it, I was stupid. Other times, I'd been careful. Life still went awry more often than not.

I do believe, though, that it's all part of the journey. No road is just a smooth, endless straight line to some destination. There will be ups and downs. And if I look up from those ups and downs and look around, I might actually see some beautiful scenery.

Like the way me and my family stood together through the harshest of times. And how we're continuing to do so while facing the fall-out.

Like those blessings I'd mentioned on the 2nd.

There is beauty all around, even in the darkest moments.

I have to look up from the road to see it, though.

Which is part of the reason why I'm continuing to write these posts even though some of them are very hard to do. There's beauty in learning too. And I'm hoping that these lessons are all part of preparing for the next leg of my journey.

A way to smooth the road just a little more.

Thoughts?

A to Z Challenge: Empathy

Sigh. My Internet failed me yet again, so I'll be posting twice today to catch up. Hopefully, I'll be around to visit everyone who's stopped by too. (If my connection holds.)

Since I'm posting twice today, I'm just going to jump right in with another thing I've learned in my tough times starting in 2014.

Empathy. 

I have, in this past year, seen people acting with absolutely no regard for the people around them. And I've seen how people can say they're putting themselves in my shoes, then turn around and prove that they simply don't care about my situation any more than to see in which way it will benefit them.

To those sorts of people, I can honestly say: "Get out of my shoes. You're soiling them and you're contaminating my life."

Harsh?

I don't think so. Honestly, I've been thinking about empathy for a while now, and I've realized that saying: "I put myself in your shoes" is nothing more than empty lip-service.

In fact, coming from the people I mentioned above, I realized that it can be down-right demeaning. Because have you ever noticed how people who are so proud of putting themselves in other's shoes, never really see the problem? Oh, they are so proud of seeing the problem. Of understanding why someone is hurt, or upset, or struggling.

But they never do. 

And insinuating that you can see my point of view simply by pretending to be me for a few moments... That's insulting.

The thing is, I've also done this. I think everyone does. It's this way our human culture has of trying to bridge the gap between people. But because of my last year, I'm working hard not to look at people from their shoes.

I don't fit in their shoes.
I can't wear their shoes. 
I can only wear  my own, look at the people around me and say:
I don't understand. 
Is there any way I can help? 

Because that, rather than passing judgement (good or bad), is empathy.

Have you ever been frustrated when someone acts like they understand you when they obviously don't? 

A to Z Challenge: Doing What I Can With What I Have

I didn't forget that I was supposed to post yesterday. Nor did I decide to just not post. Nor did I give up.

The truth is, I spent pretty much all day yesterday trying to get into blogger so that I can write my posts (yeah, I write them on the day). But alas, I was stuck without an internet connection until about an hour ago. 

So here I am, hoping that my connection doesn't fail me again before I get to post. 

It's fitting, though, because it corresponds with D-Day's lesson that I've learned from 2014.

As 2014 went on and more things kept going wrong, it was almost too easy to focus on what I didn't have than what I did have or was capable of doing. 

Luckily for me, though, I remembered this one thing that I've always believed in. 

No matter what, there's always something that we can do. No, the circumstances might not be ideal or there might be about a million things that might be beyond my reach. 

But there's always something within my reach and I can use that to the best of my ability. 

So when things were absolutely bleak and I had almost nothing else left, I turned back to my writing after almost a year of writing very little. You'd think that in those circumstances, I'd get very little writing done. 

You'd be wrong. 

I wrote 60k words in December alone. And I've been averaging 25k per month ever since. (Even though my return to internet and business means I have less writing time.) 

But that, my friends, is amateurish stuff. This guy's a master: 

Needless to say, yesterday, I was tempted to be annoyed when my internet connection went. But you know what? I'm blessed to have it on whichever days I do have it working. On other days, I'm just going to mess around with my shiny new ideas and add some words to my older ones. Because that I can do without being connected to the internet.

Do you have a fall-back when everything else goes wrong? Want to tell us about it? 

The Things We Say to Ourselves #OneBeautifulThought

Today, I saw an advert by Dove that really hit me. Before I share my thoughts, though, I thought you might want to watch the vid yourself. Even if you're a guy. It's worth thinking about so bear with me.

All done? Good. So obviously, Dove is all about making it's target audience (women) feel beautiful. But really, this message can be drawn much further than that.

It's something that crosses all boundaries of age, gender, personality, race... name it.

We talk ourselves down. I'm just a fake, pretending I can do this. I'm not a strong person. I've got so many issues that I don't know how to even start listing them. 

I'm never ever going to make it. 

The women in the video had to hear these insulting things they said to themselves just so they could realize how much they've been insulting themselves. Unfortunately, I don't have two actresses on hand to make my point, so I want you to try imagining what you'd do if you heard people tossing the insults you give yourselves at each other.

And then, if at all possible, I want you to stop.

Because when it comes to having a fulfilled, rich life, the only person who can truly stop you is:

You. 

And this, insulting yourself by telling yourself that you're weak, stupid, and powerless to do anything about yourself is precisely the way that you use to do it.

So now I'm going to say this:

You are an amazing person.
You can set out to do what you're meant to do.
You can find out what that is.
You are stronger than you imagine.
You are strong enough to overcome your obstacles. 

Now, YOU try telling yourself some nice things. 

I'd love to see them in the comments. 

Taking Charge of My Life... Again.

I'm finally back online. Actually, I have been since Friday, but in all the excitement, it wasn't easy to sit down and write this post.

Even now, while everything is relatively quiet. I'm struggling to find the words.

2014 did some serious damage, which led this blog to dwindling to almost nothing. I've written about the reasons for this before, but now I think there's another reason to it too.

See, this blog is about life in general and my life in particular. But for most of 2014, I didn't have a life. 2014 was a rapid succession of various disasters that left me reeling. And before I could recover enough to investigate/think about/write about any of it, the next disaster hit.

In other words, I didn't have a life to write about. It was all survival.

And really, there's nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes things happen in life that are completely beyond our control. Last year was a good example of it. It wasn't like I stopped trying to make things better, but instead that everything I tried made things worse.

Nowadays, it feels like there's a bit of a reprieve. I'm hoping that it's a sign that things are really settling down again. In the meantime, I'm doing all I can to recharge and regain perspective.

I'm not just staying here, though. Now's not the time to sit on my backside and bemoan my fate. I have to fix everything again. Or replace things. It won't be the exact same as before, but that's okay.

It does feel, though, as if now's the time where I have to regain the upper hand over my circumstances once more. I'll be writing about it here.


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On trolls

It's been a long time since I last shared a though-provoking video on this blog, but when I saw this tonight, I knew I had to share.

Especially since trolls seem to be so prevalent these days...

A change in perspective...

I was staring at this blank page for a moment when an interesting thing occurred to me.

I mentioned in April or March that I realized that I was stuck in a rut. And at the same time, I spent a nice amount of time before that complaining on both this and my writing blog that I've been struggling to get things done. 

It felt at the time like I was spinning my wheels with no real hope of getting anywhere. 

Once I started working on getting out of my rut, I started moving. Yep. Doing other things like meeting new people, driving around, reading etc. all helped me get through my edits, and much faster than I thought possible. 

I did a huge revision to my book, and it didn't take me a month to finish, and the book is 300 pages long. 

So how is it possible that I finished my revisions faster by not focusing on them? 

Well. The book I needed to revise is The Heir's Choice. And if you've kept track of my going's on since about December, you'll know that I was supposed to edit this book last year already. Except things went south with my publisher. 

The thing is that my emotions and thoughts came so entangled in the souring relationship with my publisher that no matter how long I focused on editing, no editing could be done. Not for as long as my concentration kept going to the crap going on around the book.  

The lucky thing for me was that I spotted that I was in a rut around the same time as I got the rights to my book back from my publisher. 

Once I decided to get out the rut, I could change my perspective. 

I'd been looking at the bad stuff associated with the book so much that I couldn't even think of making the book itself better. It took me doing all sorts of other things in order to pull back enough and see the good things as well. 

And when I did, I could actually function the way I'm supposed to. 

So if you're stuck and can't seem to do what you know you should, maybe all you need to do is do something new instead. Just to get that much needed change in perspective. 

Anyone else find that doing completely unrelated things helps you do things you're struggling with?

Oh yeah! Before I go:

Weight: 91.5kg (201lb 11.6oz)
Total lost: 14.2kg (31lb 4.9oz)
BMI: 31.66

A further thought on getting out of the rut.

As you might know, I've become aware of a rut that I've been living in, and am now working on getting out of it. Today I came across this video, and I think it dovetails quite nicely into this theme...

 

Needless to say, I'll be turning off the internet when I'm outside my home.

Weight: 102.1 kg (225lb 1.5oz)
Total Lost: 3.6 kg (8lb)
BMI: 35.33

Reflection on 9/11

It's strange, really. The passage of time relentlessly dulls down our pain and bad memories.

Today is the twelfth anniversary of 9/11. Granted, the real anniversary will start an hour or so after this post goes live.

But right now, I'm sort of wondering, because it's 10 hours and 30 minutes into my day and I've come across only a single mention of it. There wasn't even mention of it on the news.

Maybe the US is still sleeping. I'm not sure how the time zones work at the moment. But the rest of the world isn't talking about it. Up until last year, 9/11 took over the Twitter trends. Everyone posted memorials and thoughts on it. Maybe there are many posts up that I just haven't seen.

It's just... I don't know. Quieter. Less raw. As if the gaping open wound has finally scarred over.

And although I feel sad for the people who lost loved ones on that day, I think this change is a good thing.

The scars remain, but the pain isn't as intense.

We've wept. We've grieved. We've mourned. We've learnt.

We've all been irrecoverably changed by the attacks.

But we didn't lose. 

We didn't bend under the immense damage a few insane people wrought.

We're getting back on our feet.

In a quiet way, I'm actually very proud of us.

Still, I just want to remember those who lost their lives and loved ones on 9/11. May you never be forgotten.

A confession

I went to a new church today after a almost a year of taking a break from the church I’d belonged to. The break had been necessitated by my becoming involved with said church’s activities. I had joined up with the youth and music ministries in good faith, thinking that I could really help and make a difference, but ended up three years later, angry and embittered because of being ignored despite the fact that the current methods being employed helped absolutely no one.

The experiences brought along by my involvement exhausted me emotionally and spiritually to the point where I withdrew from church entirely. I didn’t feel like being friendly and civil to anyone in church. I didn’t feel like doing anything for anyone, since no one there appreciated it anyway. No. Correction. No one even wanted me to do it.

So I shook the proverbial dust from my ankles and walked away.

But the damage had been done. Because although I didn’t know at the time, the experience did much more than just tire me out. It planted a seed of bitterness. Or maybe poured water and fertilizer onto it so that the bitterness could once again take root in my life and infect every aspect of it. The big thing is, though, that I'd allowed this to happen. In fact, I didn't even see it happen. 

The only reason why I do now is that I went to the new church and spoke to the pastor there. He told me that once there’s bitterness in my heart, it’ll deliver fruit according to the tree that’s there. So anger, resentment, impatience, frustration with my life and so on will all be there. They’re bringing my life to a standstill. Which actually makes things even worse. Because nothing adds to my frustration, impatience etc like not moving forward in my life.

It stops now. I’m going to address this bitterness with prayer. I’ve forgiven the people who’ve embittered me, but I know I’ll need to do it again and again and again. For as long and as often as it needs to be done until this anger and resentment I have is rooted out of my heart and get replaced by something healing.

I know it won’t be easy, because it’s been a fall back position to me for so long. But I have to start. And by the grace of God, I know I’ll succeed with His help. 

Do you have bitterness rooted in your heart? Do you want to get rid of it?

10 Things I Learnt in 2012

Since Wednesday's 10 things post went over so well, I thought I'd do another, more in line with what TCoML is about. 

Therefore: I present to you the 10 big lessons I learnt last year. (In no particular order.)

1. Changing the wording in my mind changed the game. Instead of "I have to do this..." I tried saying "I want to do this." It really makes a difference. 
2. Not to put limits on the size of God's grace. When I decide what He won't do for me, He more often than not doesn't. But when I keep faith that ANYTHING is possible through him, everything became possible. 
3. Sometimes, doing a good thing, isn't necessarily right. Confusing, I know, but once you'd spent an amount of time serving a church, you might know what I mean. 
4. Commitment isn't always about who gets an advantage, but neither is it intended to be a punishment. 
5. Committing to my happiness is a 24/7 job, because no one else will do it for me. 
6. No one can fully support anyone, even if they love that person. It's impossible to fully support something you know nothing about. 
7. Fighting and screaming is miles better than silence and toxic atmospheres. As long as fighting is done while keeping things clean and in order to make something better.  
8. I can do much more than I think. 
9. Sometimes taking deep breaths are better than to say or write something. 
10. Being Christian and living as one can be very hard, but satisfying at the same time. 

So that's my lessons from last year. What did you learn?  

How to achieve resolutions: It's a mind-set thing.

Before I start, I just want to clarify the following: Although this post was written with New Year's resolutions in mind, it applies to goals in general, so please bear with me.

Every year, January is filled with people on two ends of the same spectrum. There are those who have a million and one things they are "resolved" to do in the new year. Usually it involves losing weight, or publishing that book they never finished, or any of the many other noble resolutions.

Then there are the others. You know, those who are resolved not to set any resolutions, cause hey, they're doomed to fail anyway, aren't they?

Most of them end up not really getting things done that they want to get done. Interestingly, the reason for their failure is identical.

They gave up too soon.

How many people do you know who wanted to give up smoking? They did well for the first few weeks, but the first time they stumble, they give up. Or maybe the second time.

And the non-resolutioners. They're always so happy to tell you they're not setting goals. Oh good. But... isn't that giving up before trying? Because deep down, most of them were devout resolution-setters who met with failure again and again and now just don't bother any more.

In the middle of the spectrum, there are a few people who work differently. They set goals and chase after them with abandon. Once they achieve their goals, they set more and go chasing again. It might not be for everybody. I sort of realized that this way of living makes me quite highly strung. I always have something to do. Somewhere to be. Something that needs to be improved. On the other hand, I VASTLY prefer it to being passive. I've been wondering why we few, we band of brothers (sorry... just HAD to), are able to function in such a high octane situation, so I started listening to when people in this area of the spectrum spoke.

I read and listened to interviews with entrepreneurs and people who changed the world by going after what they wanted. This is what I learnt:

1) Almost none of them fell into success by accident.
2) None of them believe that circumstances are unchangeable.
3) NONE OF THEM SEE FAILURE.

Let me repeat that.

None.

Of.

Them.

See.

FAILURE.

It does not exist. Yes. There are things that didn't work. It might cost a lot of blood, sweat, tears and (let's face it) money. But it's not failure. These things other people see as failed, they see as one possibility for success ruled out. 

Then they dust themselves off and start again, using what they've learnt.

They might even change the goal. See point 2 above for the reason why this is okay.

The point is this: When there isn't such a thing as failure, going after big goals aren't that scary. Taking risks aren't all that bad (as long as you're not being stupid). Most importantly: Everything you set out to do becomes that much more possible, because no set-back is going to make you give up.

On the contrary. It will strengthen you. Give you knowledge you didn't have but might need to achieve your goal.

So you wanted to quit smoking but failed when sitting in the smoking section of a restaurant? Start again, and this time, sit in non-smoking. Wanted to lose weight, but refined sugar got you again and again. Don't let sugar into your house. And no, it isn't punishing your loved ones. They can buy their own (crappy) refined sugar as long as they keep it out of your sight.

Get up. Adapt. Keep going.

Failure. Doesn't. Exist.

God speed!

In which revenge could be sweet, but poisonous.

Sometimes, being a better person is such a lot of work.

Take me, for example. There's this person I'm having to deal with on a monthly basis. Who's for all intents and purposes abusing the credit laws in order to commit extortion and blackmail against me and my mother.

I know this. I'm pretty sure he knows it too, because when I pointed it out, he threatened me again.

Thing is... there's nothing I can do about it except wait. And even then, God keeps telling me to let it go.

Which is hard. Really hard. This guy is threatening things I worked really hard to achieve and I know that getting my own back against him is well within my means. All I have to do is to wait until the loan he's threatening me about is paid in full.

Once that's done, he's lunch meat for me. Because he did the threatening in written form.

But God says... no.

Honestly, this is pretty hard to swallow. I mean, what he's doing is wrong. Very wrong. It's only fair that he gets what's coming to him.

But... the answer stays no.

At which point I just want to rage and go nuts, because this guy is practically begging to be disbarred.

But then God said something, which I'm pretty sure is a saying I know, but forgot:

Those who always chase others, never stand still themselves. 

Then I remembered the bible story (1 Samuel 25) where David wanted to kill someone for slighting him, but this man's wife, Abigail, rode out to meet him and begged him not to kill her husband. Abigail asked David to let God do justice and not him.

David agreed.

And God did.

The best thing is, David didn't end up with blood on his hands, doing something that displeased his Lord. The man who's insulted him was taken by God.

And that's the thing that gave me hold. Like David's army, my taking action against man wouldn't only affect him. It would affect those close to him. Those he probably has to provide for. In a sense, I'd have their blood on their hands.

And although I feel really annoyed to let the bad person win, I know I have to spare the innocent people around him who I would have hurt if I didn't.

Besides, it's incredibly foolish of me to want to take matters into my own hands because I'm afraid I might not like how God handles the situation. In fact, it's... sinfully proud of me.

So I beg His forgiveness and give over this matter to Him in it's entirety. Only God, in His infinite wisdom, will know how to deal with this man in a way that's just and pleasing to Him at the same time.

Have you ever wanted so bad to get your own back against someone who hurt you, but ended up turning the other cheek and handed the matter over to God? How did you come to the decision to do so? And how did you feel afterwards?

Me? Although I'm still annoyed with that guy, I actually feel at complete peace with my decision. And I know that now, the wound he inflicted will heal and I'll one day get to forget about it and him. A much better solution than having it fester for the rest of my life.

Counting Our Blessings

This will be just a short post, since I'd like you all to rather watch the video I included and take some inspiration from it.

Today is a day I want to count my blessings and the first one is that I reached my 200th post today. 

I truly hope that I managed to touch your hearts and lives in the same way that you have mine. You are yet another blessing to me. Thank you. 

I'm not going to go into more blessings on here, but I'd love it if you'd share some of the blessings in your life that you can think about. 

In the mean time, here's the video. 

Have a blessed weekend!