A good reminder

So today is the day of the interview.

And I'm not nervous at all. On Saturday one of my friends said something that I always knew, but that I forget often.

God has my back. He has a plan. He has my perfect job. He's going to take care of me. My end of the deal is to keep my eyes and mind open for new opportunities.

So if I'm meant to get the job, I'll get the job. If I'm not, I won't. Simple as that.

All I know is that if I submit to God's will, He'll make sure that I get only the best.

Still, I want to ask that you please pray for me for this interview and for the wisdom make the right decisions for my future.

Do you have anything that needs prayer?

Just a quick newsflash

I got some good news today. Someone phoned me to invite me for an interview for a management job at a bookstore. 

It's going to happen on Monday, so I still have a bit of a wait, but I'm excited to know that my first round of job applications is already getting some nibbles. 

Otherwise, life is a bit quiet, since everything is winding down for the end of the year. 

What's news at your end? 

Something I realized about my Dream yesterday

Yesterday I worked as an extra again, this time for a movie. I'm really glad I did, because it made me realize something. Yes, I love drama and performing, but not for film.

From where I sat, there was something cold and clinical to the way that films are created, with scenes filmed according to where they happen, as puzzle pieces to the story. And then they do it again and again until they're just right.

As much as I love watching movies, I can't see myself making them. I love the warmth of living the characters for a time. The spontaneity of knowing that whatever happens on the stage will be seen and be seen immediately. I missed the energy that comes from  the audience.

So yeah. I'm not going to be aiming to get on t.v. If it's ever offered to me, I'll think about it, but it won't be what I'm hoping to achieve.

Got any interesting realizations about your life?

My first moves forward

Hmm... Today I might be able to get a full sized post out there. After my economics, I've been going through something between shell-shock and self-preservation mode, but now I'm done.

I'm free.

My world and future lies before me without any immediate obstacles.

Another reason why I have been pretty quiet is that I am still settling my plan of action.

And here it is: I'm applying for jobs both in my desired field and out of it with the plan that if I don't get my dream job now, I'll take a job that will tide me over until I can get my job. All my other preparations will continue.

Yes, I do technically have a job right now, but it's working for the family firm and I'd really like to spread my wings again.

After all, I don't want to sit with half a life while I work toward my dreams, because I have a sneaking suspicion that that will seriously damage the joy I will get from attaining them.

So that's me in the mean time.

Anything big happening in your life? What are your plans for next year?

Good news

So... I finally got my results back. I passed! You are now reading the blog of a Bachelor of Commerce graduate! ^_^ Have a great weekend!

And... two more days in limbo

Yep, turns out I got myself up in a tizzy about nothing.

The results will only be out at the earliest Wednesday afternoon.

In the mean time, I'm pretty much stuck between not wanting to get my hopes up and thinking positive thoughts.

And of course, there are two more days to pray, because pass or fail, I know that God's will must come first.

What about you? Anything I can pray for?

Two more seemingly constant things: fear and economics

I think my economics results are out.

And... I'm not looking.

Because I am terrified. The main source of this fear is the What If question. What if I failed again?

You can't even begin to imagine how much I want these results to tell me I passed. Which of course means that if I don't, the disappointment will be crushing.

So, since I don't want to take the risk of crying over the weekend, I decided to find out how I did on Monday. Only thing I regret about this is that it's eating at me. Constantly. What ifs buzz around my head, preventing any sort of creative output.

There's only one thing to do: Mentally prepare, because I have to get through this. I am not letting this subject define my character or put a limit on my life. I am not going to let this course scar me more than it already has.

I have a life to live and I refuse to let a subject like economics prevent me from doing exactly that.

Still finding my stride...

I'm finally coming to that time when the rest of my life should be picking up, but it's not really working that way. 

See, when that economics test results came back, it hit me harder than I wanted to admit. I literally spent the weeks afterwards recovering. I'm finally coming to the point where I'm over the worst of it, but the sting still lingers. 

It's sticking around in the form that I'm not committing to anything until 23 November, just in case the people marking my exam decide that what I wrote was nonsense, whether they read it or not. I think I did really well, but I thought so with the test as well, so the truth is, I don't want to be optimistic, because the higher my hopes, the further they can fall. 

I know it's probably not the best way to think about this, but I don't think I could handle having my hopes dashed again. Because if I don't pass this exam, I REALLY don't know how to pass the subject. 

So because of that, I'm focusing on work and on NaNoWriMo, since these are my fall-back positions. Once I feel OK to venture out again, I will. I just need my battle scars to fade a little more or to get full closure, whichever comes first. 

Ever found yourself struggling to get back to the place you were before a big disappointment? How do you do it? 

That 10% is heaven.

It feels so strange to be back on a regular sort of schedule for two blogs.

I must say I really missed TCoML, so I'm glad to be back.

Now that my exam is finished, there's nothing major going on, except that I decided to cut refined sugars our of my life as far as possible. Next week I'll be 90% sugar free for a month.

That 10%? I'm only human. Give me a break. ;-)

It's a lot less than I've eaten in a very very long time. And now I've found a new appreciation for chocolate, since it is now only something I eat when I REALLY REALLY REALLY feel like it. No longer do I munch on sweet things for no reason unless they're natural.

Current favorite healthy sweet things: Apples.

What interesting changes have happened in your life? Any interesting bits of news?

Exam is over. And now...

Hi all! I am finally back.

I think that exams went well. Only one smallish question had me stumped. But the rest of them was fine. I just hope that this time I answered the questions in a way that suited the tastes of the people doing the marking.

If I did, Monday was the last day of my old life. I'm now in my new life.

And it's terrifying.

Because you know those things I said about what I'll be doing after I finished this year? Well, I have to get to doing them. A scary concept, when you think about the fact that my goals are somewhat far from the beaten path.

Still, I'm super excited.

What about you? Are you also on the edge of taking some big steps in your life?