It's important for me to finish the series, though, because writing through all these things are part of my efforts to moving on with my life.
As such, I've decided to continue with this series until I've finished it. It's going to take me a bit, but I'll get through it eventually.
In the meantime: I'm on M at the moment.
The best word I could think of for M is Motion.
After 2014 went so spectacularly wrong, there needed to be a time for me to withdraw. To pull back and mourn all the damage that had been done. To come to terms. To just sit still and keep breathing through the pain.
This is natural. It's good for us.
See the thing is that sitting still and coming to terms means that we're stationary. And honestly, it means we're often sitting much too close to the negativity of the things we're mourning. For a while, this isn't bad. But indefinitely, sitting still like this allows negativity and bitterness to take hold. Those two paralyses us until we're basically just drifting along into more negativity and more bitterness.
I don't know if you'd be okay with that, but I'm not. One day I will tell you why I do this, but I measure my life according to one standard: When I'm at the end of my life and looking back, will I be pleased with the amount of living I did?
Honestly... I can say it's a good thing I didn't die at the end of last year. Because I would not have been pleased. No, I don't mean this in a "I'm beating myself up because I couldn't do anything about things that were completely out of my control" way. It's more that I got stuck in all this negativity and bitterness all year long until it was okay for me to just survive, but I didn't do nearly enough of anything else. I didn't live.
Since I'm still alive, though, I'm being a bit more forgiving, but I do realize the importance of getting back into the business of living. It's not always easy, but I'm slowly but surely getting it done.
In short: There's motion in my life again. Not always fast, and definitely not always forward (as the last week or so demonstrated), but I'm moving on into a better year. I'm learning and moving on, because I can't bear wallowing in a pit of despair any longer.
And I know I'm learning, because even though I indulged in some wallowing last week, I was in a hurry to be done with it again.
Which in itself is a good thing.
How are you doing? Is there motion in your life?