Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Back to basics

Funny how it happens. At one stage, I was running through my hours at 160 miles an hour.

Now I've slowed down, and I'm still struggling to get everything down.

I'm guessing that it's just me catching my breath for the first time in a long while. So I'm not going to feel bad about it. All that I'm going to do is pick up some reading again. Maybe watch some t.v. Spend time with the family. And with God.

Basically, rebuild my daily routine from the ground up in order to fit more in.

Because I couldn't go on like I was. It was just too much of one thing and too little of the others.

Now my body and mind made the decision for me.

So I'm going to relax for a few days. And then I'm taking charge of my life again.

Who's with me?

Monday, February 20, 2012


It's something that I've said so many times before, but wow, you guys are awesome.

I mean, I had some problems for months and within a day of putting a post about it up onto this blog. I got a variety of perspectives and some great suggestions. 

I did take the time to get in touch with my feelings and thoughts. I also settled down to listen to what God had to say. 

And with the help of a good friend and my family, I now know that I'm supposed to stay where I am until further notice. Also, that it isn't about the people making me unhappy. It's about the kids that I'm supposed to be there for. 

It's about doing what God needs me to do. 

So for the first time in months, I'm really starting to feel at a true peace again. Just hoping that it stays that way. 

Anyone else find that blogging buddies make for excellent advisers? 

Friday, February 17, 2012

I need some ideas...

As I've mentioned more than a few times before, I sometimes struggle with balancing the rest of my life with writing. 

One of the things that suffers most is my reading. 

Anything else that I do involve me leaving the house, so there's a certain routine involved with it, but with reading, I use the exact same spaces as my writing. And sadly, if it comes down to a choice between the two, I'll pick writing every time. 

At the same time, I know that reading is very good for me and my writing. In fact, it's so important to me that I put it as one of my goals for 2012. I want to read more. 

And I have at least twenty books waiting for me. 

So... I'm thinking I should do something on this blog that will motivate me to read more.

Anyone have any suggestions? 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Another difficult question.

Sorry about missing Monday's post yet again. I thought I'd put one up after I came back from my choir practice. *snort* Yeah. Right. I dragged my exhausted body straight to bed and slept for ten hours before I remembered my good intentions.

But... before I have another three hours lost because I overestimated my energy levels, I shall ask another thorny question.

When does one move on?

I'm not talking about death or break-ups. I'm talking about life in general.

If there's one word that sums up how I've lived my life thus far, nomadic would be it. I went to five primary schools. Three high schools. We've moved house about fifteen times. And if I've spent more than two years in one place, I'd burn.

My skin would start crawling and I would feel the air being choked out of me. And for some reason, we've always managed to move just as the situation got to be at its worst.

I never looked back. Still don't.

Then came University. I changed courses half-way through my second year, so instead of three, I spent four years in the campus town. By the third term of year three, I wanted out. OK, it was more than just my nomadic tendencies talking, but they certainly did make themselves heard. I even signed up for combat duty in the navy in a desperate attempt to escape. Got reaaaaally close to getting accepted, but then someone lost my medical exam and I was asked to reapply the following year.

I did. And some racist recruitment officers "lost" my application. So I applied to go air stewardessing. No go. Despite the fact that I was fit, and spoke four languages. Hmm.

At some point, God and I had some heart to hearts and He made me realize that I couldn't run away every time something got difficult. Especially when those challenges are to teach me how to become who I'm supposed to be.

So I stuck out my degree. And I got more involved in my local church than I've ever been.

And I dove into following my dream.

And for a long time everything went well.

Except... now it isn't. I'm not happy. Although I love singing and praising God and doing His work, something's not right. Not because something is being a challenge, but rather because it isn't.

Things are stalling.

My services are offered and promptly disregarded or underutilized. I make sacrifices and only get aggravation back - except I hardly care any more. A year's worth of Fridays seem to have gone wasted. As did my emotional involvement.

Fact is, I'm working harder to keep my emotional bond to my church and community than I am to form relationships.

And now I'm starting to wonder. Is God, after a year of telling me to stay put, telling me it's time to go? Or is He going to push me a little further? Because I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm alone. And feeling lost. And feeling a painter without brushes and paint.

Do I sit still and wait? Or do I go back to my old roaming ways? Because one thing can be said: My faith was a lot stronger when I wasn't committed to a single church. I learnt a lot more. Because I could go to places that were the right depth for me.

Now I'm a fish floundering on drying sand.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Why my voice is freaking...

I've just come back from solo singing class, so I'm a bit tired. My voice (which can't really decide if it's an alto a mezzo or a lyrical soprano) is freaking out a bit because my instructor is giving me a wide variety of stuff to sing.

Last week, it was this:

 This week it was this

and this

 So my voice is sort of going... uhm... what?

Done anything interesting recently? What are you planning to do this weekend?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Got Advice?

Oh my word I've been bad about blogging here. I feel positively terrible about it. I just completely forgot.

So here I am on a Tuesday.

Which is interesting, because that's when my church choir practice takes place. And it's something I've been thinking needs some other view points.

See. I actually quit this choir last year. Because there was only so much nonsense that I could handle and still tolerate the amount of time required to do that. It's only one hour a week, but it's one hour I could use for something else.

The reason why I'm going back, is that everyone insisted that if I stayed away, the people that made the choir a miserable experience would continue. Also, I was assured that things would change this year and, since I used to enjoy singing for my church, I thought it might be a good idea to give it another chance. I even sacrificed time with my small group in order to go back.

And... I don't know if that was the right decision. The damage was done. I'm not the same as I was then. I can't just be naturally friendly to them. I can be friendly, but it's not sincere. Because although most of them didn't so anything to hurt me, they didn't do anything to protect me, which is something I would have done for them before.

Now I don't care. And since I don't care, should I even be there?

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I love it when my life gets busy.

I must say that there is a noticeable improvement in my general state of well-being now that I'm getting out more. 

I went to a new choir on Monday to try it out and I can safely say that I love it. Then, I decided to give my church choir one more chance before I finally quit it, but more on that later. Finally, I'm going to go for Solo classes again from tomorrow. So yes, that adds up to three days (about five hours) with singing, so I am a very happy camper. 

Also, I'll finally be able to discuss the musical with my singing instructor (who asked me to rewrite the whole thing) so hopefully I'll be able to start working on it soon. 

Also, because of the good feeling I got from rowing on Sunday, I got right back onto my healthy living kick, so I'm making a point of being more active, which is making me feel even better. Tonight I'm going to go rowing again, because I really don't want to lose momentum now. 

What about you? Anyone else starting to do more exercise? Start anything new recently that you're enjoying?